A Broken Heart
by pixdog
Summary: What happens when Alice doesn't see Bella jump off the cliff in New Moon?M for later chapters.R&R.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.

This is my version of what would have happened if Alice hadn't seen Bella jump off of the cliff.

**Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair. If I turned my head to the side----if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder. I knew without any doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. But could I?  
S. Meyer  
**

He could never replace what I had lost but maybe, just maybe, he could patch the hole in my heart. I would never be the same person that I was but hopefully I could be the person that he would need me to be. I would never be whole but part of something was better than nothing. Right? Slowly, timidly, I placed my hand on his bare chest. I tilted my head up and lightly brushed my lips against his. Hope flashed in his eyes and he deepened the kiss. He placed one hand in my hair, pulling my face closer, and tried to coax my lips apart with his tongue. I froze, my body stiffened.

"Sorry," Jacob gasped, pulling away.

We sat there for a minute, trying to slow our ragged breathing. My heart was screaming as it started tearing in two. Half was crying out to keep going and let Jacob be happy. But could I make him happy? With my heart and soul ripped to shreds, did I still have the ability to love him the way that he deserved to be loved? I wasn't completely sure. He loved me and I knew that it didn't matter to him. Jacob knew how much pain I was I but he didn't care, he wanted me broken and all. He wanted me more than _he_ did.

The other half of my heart reared its ugly head, shouting, "TRAITOR." I cringed internally. How could I be a traitor? _He_ left me, _he _didn't want me anymore. I couldn't betray something that wasn't there. A part of me would always belong to him but I had to get on with my life just like he did. Maybe it was easier for his kind to be "distracted". Maybe that's what I had to do.

Jacob placed his warm hand on my cheek, brushing away a tear. I realized that I was still stiff as a board so I took a deep breath to steady myself.

"I can do this, would do this," I told myself.

I gave him a slight smile and leaned into his hand, it felt so good, so warm on my cold face.

"It's okay, Bella. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he apologized.

"No, it wasn't you. It's just hard for me. I still don't know if I can..."

"Bella, it's okay. If it's still too soon, then I can wait," he whispered, brushing my hair behind my ear.

I smiled timidly, sighed, and reached for the door.

"Bella, wait."

I turned and looked into his dark brown eyes.

"Look, I know this is hard for you but I love you and no matter what happens, nothing will ever change that," he promised.

"I know that Jacob. You are too good to me. You don't know how much I have relied on you to get me through these past few months. I don't deserve a friend like you," He started to interrupt me but I put up one hand to stop him.

"Listen Jake, I don't know if I can do this. You deserve so much better than me. I just want you to be happy and I don't know if I can do that. I mean, my heart is broken, I am broken, and I don't believe that I will ever be whole again. If we did do this and something happened, I don't know..."

He interrupted me this time, reaching for my arms that had wrapped around my torso, trying to hold myself together.

"Bella, I would never hurt you like that, ever" he exclaimed.

"I'm not worried about you hurting me. I'm more worried about me hurting you," I gave him a weak smile.

He placed his warm hand on my face again and ran his thumb over my cheek

"It hurts me to see you in so much pain. I can see that you're unhappy and I want to make it better. I know I can if you just let go of him and try. That's all I'm asking, for you to just try." He smiled but the pain in his eyes was overwhelming.

I had to make it better, no matter what it cost me; I would try to make him happy. I would just have to bury all of my other feelings when I was with him so that I could be what he needed me to be.

"I can try," I smiled, leaning in and brushing my lips against his quickly.

"I have to go," I told him, turning and hopping out of the truck.

I had to get away from him before I totally broke down. But he was out of the truck and by my side in an instant, intertwining my icy fingers with his warm ones. They felt like they were on fire. He walked me to the door, handed me my truck keys, and placed a light kiss on top of my head.

"I love you Bella," he whispered in my hair.

"I know," was all I could say as I unlocked the door and stepped inside.

I turned to look into his eyes; I no longer saw the pain that was there only a few moments before. Now they looked happier, somewhat.

"Goodnight," he smiled and turned to the forest.

"Night," I replied as I closed the door.

No longer able to hold myself together, I ran to the kitchen sink and vomited noisily into tears started streaming down my face, I couldn't breathe. I wrenched open a drawer and jerked out a paper and pen. Quickly, I scribbled a note to Charlie telling him that I wasn't feeling well and I was going to bed early. I stuck it to the refrigerator with a magnet and ran upstairs to my room, locking the door.

I stood there for a moment, gasping for air. How could I be so selfish? I wasn't good enough for _him._ What made me think that I would be good enough for Jacob?_ Him_..._Him_... I looked at my bed and recalled all the nights I had slept there, wrapped in _his_ arms. I sank to my knees, the room spinning. I wasn't able to slow my breathing, I was hyperventilating. The last thing that I remember was the darkness surrounding me, slowly engulfing me until I felt no more.

**Well I hope you liked it. Please read and review. The next chapter is short but it is from Edwards point of view.**


	2. My Beloved

**I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.**

This is short I know but Edward really isn't doing much. :) Please Read and Review.

EPOV

I was running as fast as my vampire body would allow. I had lost Victoria's scent and was searching desperately to pick it up again. Unfortunately the moisture in the rain forest washed most of the trail away quickly. The only good part was that I had to use all of my concentration on detecting even the slightest hint of her. This kept my mind from wandering back to the much colder town to the north. Back to the warmth, the beauty, the smell of my beloved. Back to my Bella.

"STOP," I yelled at myself.

I couldn't allow myself to think of her. The ache in my chest was too mush to bear. I had to keep my mind on the task at hand. But how could I not think of her?

Ever since I had met her, all I could ever think about was her. She was in every though that I had. Firstly, I was just drawn in by the luscious smell of hr blood but after that was curiosity. Curiosity because she was the only person that I was unable to hear in my mind. I was in a constant state of wonder. Wondering what she was thinking, what every expression, every motion meant.

Then absolute love. After almost a hundred years, I never imagined having a feeling so strong, so all consuming as love. The love I felt for her was incomprehensible. Her sweet smell, her warm touch, her soft hair, her beautiful deep brown eyes. I longed to look into those eyes again. . My running slowed and I stopped beside a large tree. I leaned against it, looking up, as the raindrops that had leaked through the canopy hit my face. My breath hitched as I started crying, my tearless sobs, once again. I sank to the forest floor, pulling my knees up to my chest.

My silent heart was ripping apart more and more as I thought of her. There was no point in existing without her, she was my life. She was everything to me. I can't survive without her but I knew why I had to end it. I knew it was safer for her if I was not in her life but it was too painful to not have her in mine. I could just go back and watch her from a distance, never letting her know that I was there.

It wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be with her forever but part of something was better than nothing. Right? Yes, it would be. I made up my mind. I would get on a plane and go see my family first. I had had to turn off my cell phone because of the constant calls from them, mostly from Alice. It would ease their minds if they could see that I was okay, well relatively okay.

Then I would make my way back to Forks, "Just to make sure that she was safe and happy," I told myself. I would not interfere with her life again. I would just keep watch over her, keep her safe. My stomach did a little flip. I would be seeing my love in just a few short days.

I heaved myself off of the ground and started running again. I had not forgotten about Victoria but Bella was more important than my petty revenge. The sooner I got to my Bella, the sooner that I would feel almost complete. I pushed myself to run faster than I ever had before.


	3. Suffering

**I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.**

**CHAPTER 3 Suffering  
**

**BPOV**

Knock, Knock, Knock, "Bella, are you okay?" Charlie called anxiously through the door.

I was lying on the cold wood floor in my room when his knocking woke me. I didn't know how long I had been there but my face was stuck to the wood with dried up tears. My cheek stung as I pulled it form the floorboard.

"Bella, open this door," Charlie yelled.

I got to my feet and unlocked the door. As soon as the lock clicked, Charlie rushed in.

"Why didn't you answer the door? And why was it locked in the first place? What's wrong with you?" His questions came at me so fast that I was surprised that I caught it all.

"Dad, calm down. I was changing clothes and I lay down. I must have fallen asleep," I lied quickly.

"Your note said that you were sick. What's wrong? You look terrible," he eyed me carefully.

"Don't worry; it must have been something I ate. I feel better now," I lied again.

He narrowed his eyes and looked intently at my face. I knew what he was probably seeing so I tried to readjust my features and gave him a slight smile.

"Okay, if you're sure you're alright. Do you want something to eat? I could order pizza," he suggested.

I knew that he had read more on my face he had let on but apparently he was going to just let it go.

"No thanks. I think I'm just going to take a shower and go to bed," I replied. Suddenly I remembered Harry.

"Oh dad, I am so sorry about Harry. Are you okay or do you need me to stay up with you?" I felt terrible for forgetting about Harry Clearwater.

I had been so wrapped up in my own pathetic life. I was a horrible person. I didn't deserve happiness, my pain, my suffering, that is what I deserved. How could I even entertain the thought of forcing that upon Jake? Once again, this wasn't about me. This was about Jacob and his happiness not mine.

My dad was still staring at me, watching my emotions flick back and forth across my face. I refocused my attention and straightened out my face.

"If you are sure you don't need me, I'm going to take a shower," I said, turning to my dresser to get my clothes.

"No, no, you go ahead," he conceded.

He knew something was going on but he wasn't going to push the subject. We both left my room, he went downstairs and I headed to the bathroom. I sat down in the shower and let the steaming water roll down my back. My stomach was in knots, the hole on my chest was aching like someone was holding fire to the serrated edges.

Tears started running freely as I thought about my life. It had been so normal until I had moved to Forks. Soon after moving, my life had become extraordinary. Way too soon after that, my world had come crashing down around me. I had been sucked into a bottomless black hole with no hope of coming out. Then there was a flicker of light, Jacob had reentered my life.

It was nowhere near enough to save my life but it was just enough to bring part of me back. I would never be the same, never be able to love the way that I knew I was capable of loving. I had to force myself to do everything I could for Charlie, for Jacob. I would have to be what they needed me to be. For me, there was no hope. I was lost.

Other thoughts started running through my mind, dark thoughts, thoughts that both comforted and terrified at the same time. I could sneak out and try to find Victoria myself. The little bit of pain that she would cause me was nothing compared to the pain that I was going through right now. No, that wouldn't work. I was sure that at least on of the werewolves was keeping watch over my house right now so there would be no sneaking out. Well, maybe, I could just plug the bathtub and let it fill with water. I had just drowned, pretty much, and it really wasn't that bad, not much pain. I had also gotten to see my beloved in my mind. If Jacob wouldn't have pulled me out, I would be in another place. Heaven, Hell did it really matter?

"STOP IT!" I shouted at myself, "Charlie, Jacob, you can't do that to them."

I sighed and turned off the water. If I was being honest, I knew that I didn't have the guts to do away with myself. I got out and started drying off when I heard my dad talking to someone. I didn't hear a response so he was probably on the phone. I usually didn't care about his phone calls but something caught my attention. I thought I herd him say, 'Jacob' so I quietly cracked the bathroom door so I could listen in.

"Hey, I was just calling to tell your dad that I was going to go to sues first thing in the morning if he wanted a ride." Oh okay, he was just calling to talk to Billy.

"No, no, actually I wanted to talk to you Jake. I was wondering if you would mind coming over tomorrow to stay with Bella?"

"Great," I sighed. I knew he had seen more in my face that I had wanted him to.

"When I got home, she was locked in her room. She said that she had eaten something that didn't agree with her but I think that it's something else. I just don't want her sitting here alone all day while I'm gone," he explained.

"No," I groaned. Now Jacob was going to know something was up and I was pretty sure he was going to give me the third degree until he got an answer.

"Thanks Jake, you are a good friend to her."

"Okay, bye." Charlie hung up the phone, went to the living room and turned on the TV.

I finished drying off, ran the towel through my hair, and put on my old t-shirt and a pair of shorts. I tiptoed into my room and closed the door quietly. Curling up on my bed, I pulled the quilt up to my neck.

I had to figure out what I was going to tell Jacob tomorrow. Unfortunately he was always so good at reading my face. This was going to be a problem but what part of my life wasn't?

With my door closed, I barely heard the phone ring. Charlie answered it but I couldn't make out what he was saying. A second later, I heard him coming up the stairs. He opened my door and I rolled over to look at him.

"Sorry Bells. Jacob's on the phone. He said he needs to talk to you," Charlie explained.

"Tell him that I will call him in the morning," I gargled, trying to sound half asleep and pretending that I hadn't heard his earlier conversation.

Charlie nodded, closed my door and went back downstairs.

Perfect, Jacob was worrying about me now. Ugh, why did life have to be so complicated? How am I going to explain this to him?

I hadn't been lying there long before I heard a tap on my window. "Bella?" a husky voice whispered. I should have known if Charlie was worried and I wouldn't take his call that Jacob would come over and check on me. I sighed and went to my window, sliding it open.

I moved back to my bed as Jacob leapt lightly from the tree outside my window, landing with small thud. I sat down on the side of my bed and looked up at his silhouette in the dim light. He walked over, sat down beside me, and took my hand in his.

"Bella, what's wrong? Why wouldn't you come to the phone?" he asked, pushing my still damp hair behind my ear.

"Nothing, I'm fine. I was just tired and wanted to sleep. With everything that went on today; I just wanted to rest," I whispered.

"What do you mean?" he questioned.

I knew he was thinking about what happened in the truck, which was most of it, but I wasn't going to tell him that.

"You know, almost drowning and Victoria and Harry. It just all came crashing down on me at once. I was having a hard time dealing with it," I sighed.

Hopefully he would accept this explanation. It wasn't totally a lie. I was just leaving out a few main points.

"Oh, that's all?" he said, relieved.

I had to admit that it was nice having him here comforting me.

He let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling to into his bare chest. His warmth and the sound of his heartbeat made me feel a little better. Since I was going to do this, now seemed as good a time as any to start. Knowing that this was going to be hard but remembering that I was doing it for Jacob's happiness; I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him closer. I heard a rumble of contentment come from deep within his chest as he wrapped his other arm around me.

I sighed internally 'I can do this' I told myself. I tilted my head up and brushed his jaw line with my lips. It felt right and wrong at the same time. How was that possible?

I heard his breathing accelerate as he felt my lips against his jaw. He turned his head and kissed me on my lips, stroking my cheek with his thumb. This wasn't so bad, I could handle this. I remembered parts of it as I placed my hand in his hair and pulled my body closer, melding it to his. I could feel the heat burning right through my thin shirt.

His flaming hot tongue traced my lower lip, asking for entrance. I rejected it and pulled away, quickly moving to his neck, placing light kisses up to his ear. He let out a low growl and turned his head to kiss my neck.

He moved up to the hollow behind my ear and whispered, "I love you."

"Mmm..." was all I could coax out of myself.

He placed his hand on my ribs and started to slide it up. I shoved him away, which was a new experience for me. I was always the one that had to be stopped before. It was odd.

"Whoa, Jake, slow down," I gasped.

He jumped up and turned away from me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that," he mumbled, embarrassed.

"Awe, Jake," I started as I reached for him.

"No, stay there Bella," he urged.

"What? Why Jake, what's wrong?" I asked anxiously. What had I done? Had I pushed him away one too many times?

"Just give me a minute, please," he begged.

"Oh,_ oh_," I whispered.

My common sense came back to me and I realized what his problem was. His unyielding teenage hormones had kicked in and he didn't want me to see the arousal in his cut off sweat pants.

I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach. This one was different than the one I had before. I felt a kind of pleasure. Pleasure knowing that I could do that to him. He wanted me, I was actually wanted. But this was wrong. I had caused his state but I was unwilling to relieve it. I was disgusted with myself. The war inside my head continued to rage on.

Jacob took a deep breath and finally turned around to face me.

"I'm on patrol tonight but if you need me, I can call one of the others to cover for me," he offered, trying to shake the awkward moment.

"No, Jake, I'm fine. I'm just going to be anyway," I replied.

"Okay, if you're sure?" he whispered.

"I'm sure. I'm just going to get some sleep. You don't need to stay for that," I assured him.

He leaned down and I knew he was trying to read my face. With his werewolf senses he was sure to see my bloodshot eyes. I smiled at him, hopping to ease some of his worry.

"Okay, I guess I'll see you in the morning," he sighed.

"Awe, Jake, you don't have to come over in the morning. You need to get some sleep, especially if you running patrol all night," I moaned.

"Bella," he laughed, "I'll be here first thing in the morning."

He kissed me briefly and turned, jumping out the window. I closed it and retreated to my bed, crying myself into a restless slumber.

**Hope you enjoyed it. Please review I would love to know what everyone thinks so far.**~Pixdog~


	4. Her Pain My Pain

I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.

Okay so Alice did see Bella jump off the cliff. ;) Short chapter.

**EPOV**

The flight to Anchorage was long which was a bad thing. It meant that I had way too much time on my hands. No matter how hard I tried, my mind always drifted back to Bella. I was empty without her, an empty shell. My only comfort was that soon I would be able to see the love of my existence.

First I had to deal with my family and then I would be on my way to the place that I yearned to be. I walked through the airport and was not surprised to see my entire family there waiting for me. Alice would have seen me coming and informed the others of my return. I sighed and went to meet them. Esme pulled me into a tight embrace and Carlisle patted my shoulder.

"Welcome back, we have m missed you," he grinned.

"I have missed you also," I replied, half heartedly.

I tried to block out their thoughts because all of them were worrying about me, especially Esme.

I wish that I could convince her not to worry but it was her nature. My brow furrowed as Alice's thoughts crept into my mind. She was doing extremely complicated math problems in her head trying to block me.

"Okay, what are you trying to hide form me Alice?" I sighed.

"Nothing," she lied.

I could see it on her small pixie face that something was bothering her.

"Just spit it out Alice. You know you can't keep this up forever," I grumbled.

I caught a glimpse of something when she went from one math problem to the next.

"Alice, I told you not to be looking into Bella's future," I scolded her.

When I had said Bella's name, a floodgate opened and images started rushing into my head.

_Bella jumping off a cliff and then darkness._

_Sitting on her bed, crying and then darkness._

_Stepping out of her truck and then darkness._

_Answering the door and then darkness._

She looked terrible, looked sick. Dark shadows under her eyes, her skin paler than its usual looked thinner too, her bones protruding from her delicate hands as she wrapped them around her chest. _Agony. _What was wrong with my beautiful Bella?

"Alice, what does it mean?" I demanded.

"I don't know. Every time I get a glimpse of her everything goes black and her future seems to just disappear. Then I'll get another one and the same thing happens. I wasn't looking for her, I swear, Edward. I couldn't stop it. And then after everything went black I started to try because I had to know that she was okay. I had to know, especially after I saw her jump off the cliff and didn't see her come up. I have been trying to call you but you didn't answer your phone. I told you something like this was going to happen," she explained.

"Alice, she's fine. You saw her after she jumped," I cringed, "I mean I know you didn't see her come up but you saw her later in her room."

"She is _not_ fine. Did you see how she looked? Did you see how thin she was, how she looked like she hadn't slept in months? She looks like Hell Edward, did you see _that_?" she exploded.

I cringed in agony as she replayed her vision of Bella back to me again. "Alice, please, stop," I begged, placing my head in my hands.

I started to sob, my Bella was suffering and it was my fault. She was not moving on with her life as I hoped that she would.

An arm wrapped around my shoulder, "I think that we should take this conversation to a less public place," Carlisle suggested.

My family had remained quiet through Alice's and my heated discussion. I glanced up and people in the airport were staring at us with fearful expressions. I nodded in agreement and we walked to the cars parked out front. My knees were weak, I could barely walk. All I could think about was Bella.

She looked so weak, so frail. My silent heart wept for her pain; pain that I had caused her. Most humans would get better with time but not Bella. She had never been like most humans; she had always surprised me and this time was no different.

I was sitting in the back of Carlisle's car with my legs pulled u to my chest, weeping into my knees. Her pain was my pain because I had done this to her.

"Edward, you have to fix this," Alice's voice came from the front seat; I hadn't even noticed her there.

"Alice, I cant. It's too dangerous for her, she was almost killed twice because of me," I sobbed, I couldn't endanger her anymore.

"She's dying, can't you see that? She's letting herself waste away. Edward, you leaving her is killing her. You have to do _something_!" she shouted.

"What am I supposed to do? Walk up to her and say sorry, just kidding? I've done enough damage already. I can't just walk back into her life, not after what I did to her. She probably hates me for putting her through everthing that I have," I shouted back.

She had to understand, she had to know that it was impossible for me to intrude on Bella's life again. As much as I wanted my Bella, I couldn't do that to her.

"Edward, I love her too! If you're not going to do something about it then I am," she huffed.

"No, Alice, you can't," I pleaded.

"Oh yes I can and you can't stop me. I won't stand by and watch her kill slowly kill herself."

I groaned knowing that there was no way to stop Alice when she set her mind to do something. So now I wasn't going back to Forks alone. There was a small comfort in knowing that my favorite little sister would be with me. He visions could be a great help in knowing exactly how my decisions and actions would affect Bella. She was right, I had to do something. I didn't know what but I had to ease my Bella's suffering somehow.

**Well i hope you like it. Edwards point of view is short but the next time we see him it will be longer, promise. Slight lemon in the next chapter so stay tuned. ~**pixdog~


	5. How far am I willing to go?

**I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.**

**Slight Lemon you have been warned.**

**BPOV**

I sighed and decided that I might as well get out of bed. I had barely gotten any sleep all night long. All I did was toss and turn, unable to stop the nightmares that kept creeping in every time I dozed off. My dreams kept replaying that day in the forest when _he _left me. I knew that when I saw him in my head, when I was drowning, it would set off a chain reaction.

I had been so careful not to think of him, not to feel. But now I was feeling it all. It washed through me with a vengeance. The loss was unbearable. My stomach tightened and I bolted to the bathroom. I threw up, mostly stomach acid, in the toilet. I was gasping for air as I sank to the cold floor. That's where Charlie found me a few minutes later.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to brush my teeth," I replied, getting to my feet.

"Do you need to go to the doctor?"

"No, I'll be fine. Must just be food poisoning," I lied.

"Well, okay. I gotta go but if you need me I'll be at the Clearwater's," he said.

"Alright," I told him, clearly out of his element when it came to taking care of a sick person.

He left the room and I reached for my toothbrush. Maybe a clean mouth would help my outlook but I doubted it . As I brushed I heard Charlie say ' Take care of her' and he closed the front door.

Oh great, that meant that Jacob was already here. This has got to get easier. I would just have to not think about anything but Jacob and what he needed for his happiness.

I rinsed my mouth and looked in the mirror. Crap, I looked like the walking dead. I gasped, I can't believe I just thought that. With the dark circles under my eyes and my way too pale skin, I looked like one of them. I quickly looked away. That had been my dream, to become one of them and stay with _him _forever. I felt nauseas again. I ran my brush through my hair and headed downstairs.

As I expected, Jacob was sitting on the couch waiting for me. He looked just as tired as I was. Despite that, he gave me a warm smile and motioned for me to come and sit beside him. I smiled back and sat down, trying to control my emotions and the expressions on my face. I was determined to do this right. I wrapped both arms around his body. He wrapped both of his arms around me in response and let out a contented sigh.

"Are you feeling better," he asked.

"Mmm..." that worked, he couldn't make out anything from that.

"Do you want breakfast? I'm not a very good cook but I can make a mean scrambled egg," he chuckled.

"No, I don't want to move just yet," I answered. _I would probably just throw it up any way _I thought to myself.

I was trying to think about the way it used to be with me and Jake, before it had gotten complicated. How he had felt like my own personal sun. All the other feelings I had, I could shove in the back of my head and deal with them later when I was alone.

Following my natural instincts, I leaned up and kissed his neck, this was all about him. He sucked in a deep breath. Apparently he liked it when I did that, so I did it again. Moving slowly up to the hollow under his ear, I heard a low growl from deep within his chest. The sound made my heartbeat accelerate but not from the reason that it should be from.

He placed one hand on the small of my back, pulling me closer. The other hand cupped my chin, drawing me to his lips. I knew that I couldn't keep pushing him away, I had to do this right. I opened my mouth and traced the curve of his lower lip with my tongue. I could feel the excitement radiating off of him as he opened his mouth and started massaging my tongue with his. The heat coming off of him was starting to make me sweat.

I felt his hand slip under my shirt and touch the bare skin on the small of my back. I had to fight the impulse to push him away. If I kept rejecting him I knew that, eventually, he would not come back so I allowed this contact reluctantly. I felt his hand rubbing up and down my back, trembling slightly.

I placed my hand on his chest and felt his heart's rapid pace. My heart was hammering too but I didn't think that it was for the same reason. He broke the kiss, trying to regulate his breathing, but never leaving my skin. My breathing was heavier but nowhere near as bad as his. I wasn't feeling the same emotions as he was but this wasn't about me.

He turned my head to the side and kissed along my jaw line and down my neck. I felt his hand on my back slowly slide to my stomach, resting there for a moment. This made my breathing accelerate. How far was I willing to let this go? I felt him kiss the edge of my collar bone as his hand started inching its way up. I placed my hand under my breast and stopped him. I wasn't comfortable with that. If I was honest with myself, I wasn't comfortable with any of this.

My heart, my soul craved another set of hands roaming over me, a much colder set. _Stop _I told myself, _this is not what you need to be thinking about right now_.

He slid his hand around to my back again, leaning into me. I leaned back so that eventually he was lying on top of me on the couch. I felt his arousal pressing against my pelvic bone. I was in shock, I felt numb. I didn't know what to do. Never in my eighteen years had I been in this position. What was I doing?

He started thrusting his hips into mine. The heat from his body and the friction from our clothes was making me uncomfortably warm. He pressed harder, moving faster till it started to hurt my pubic bone. I heard a low growl escape his lips as he sucked my earlobe into his flaming hot mouth.

My mind started racing, I couldn't believe that I was letting Jacob hump me. The thought made my stomach turn but I wasn't sure why. Was it because this was wrong, repulsive? Or was it because I was enjoying it, it made me feel wanted? Maybe a mixture of the two. I don't know, I am so confused.

Jacob grunted and thrust one last time. He lay there for a minute, catching his breath, and I felt moisture leaking from his sweatpants into my shorts. He got up off of the couch and looked at himself, embarrassment covering his face. I could see the blood in his cheeks, even through his russet skin. I also saw the darkened wet spot on the front of his gray sweatpants.

"Umm, I need to go home and get a change of clothes," he said sheepishly.

"Right," I pulled myself off the couch, "I think I need another shower."

"Bella," he started but I ignored him and went upstairs to the bathroom.

I closed and locked the door, walking to the mirror over the sink. The heat that should have risen to my cheeks was not there. Would I never blush again? My face was pale, ghostly. I heaved into the sink but my stomach was empty so there was nothing to expel.

I tore my clothes off and jumped into the scalding hot shower. I was disgusted with myself. I scrubbed my entire body as hard as I could, especially my stomach between my hips. What kind of girl was I ?

To go that far with a boy that technically I had only been with for less than twenty four hours. Yes, I had known him for much longer but we had only started to get serious last night. What was I thinking? I had let it get way out of hand, I should have stopped it sooner. Ugh, I hated myself. I should just do what I was thinking last night and drown myself now before I could do anymore damage. I sighed, turned off the shower and started drying myself off. I jumped when I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Bella?" Jake spoke through the door.

Wow he was fast. I wrapped my towel around me and opened the door. He was standing there in clean shorts, no shirt, with a mixture of remorse and sadness on his face. I walked past him ,without speaking, into my room and he followed. I went to my dresser, turned, and circled my finger in the air, instructing him to turn away from me. He did and I started pulling my clothes out of the drawers.

"Bella, I'm so sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have done that," he apologized to the wall.

"No, Jake, it was my fault. I should have stopped us before we got that far," I said as I pulled my clothes on.

"Bells, stop trying to take all the blame for this. I was there too you know. I should have controlled myself better. I knew I needed to stop but I couldn't. I just got carried away. I am sorry," he apologized again.

I reached for his arm and turned him around. I buried my face in his bare chest and sighed. He wound his arms around me, resting his cheek in my hair.

"I really am sorry," he whispered.

"Me too," I sighed.

We stood there for a moment forgiving each other and ourselves. Suddenly his stomach growled audibly. I snickered and we headed down to the kitchen.

**I hope you liked it. Edward is next. R&R please.**


	6. My Love

**I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters. **

**EPOV**

We left most of my family in Denali but Jasper had insisted on coming with us. He didn't like being separated from Alice, especially since her visions were so erratic. She hadn't been able to see much that would happen to us in Forks. Mostly she just saw us watching Bella's house from the forest, but sometimes her visions would just turn black again without warning which made us all uncomfortable.

Now it wasn't just Bella's future disappearing, it was ours too. None of us knew what this meant. My future no longer had any meaning for me but Bella's; she had to have a future. If she didn't, it would be the end of me. I would find a way to end my loathsome existence. I would not live in a world that she was no longer a part of.

"Edward," Jasper scolded, "I can sense what you are feeling. We are going to get to Bella in time so just stop."

I was curled up in the back seat of my Volvo and I looked up to see his eyes glaring at me in the rear view mirror. Alice looked at him questioningly and then at me. I just sighed. My mind had been in such an irrational state that Jasper had insisted on driving. I didn't complain, I would have probably pushed my car to hard and just blown the engine.

I just sat quietly, going over my options. If I found Bella the way Alice had seen her, what would I do? Would I wait to see if she got even a little bit better over time or would I crawl back on my hands and knees and ask her to forgive me? Beg her to take me back?

Yes, that's what I'd do.

I couldn't live without her, so I would beg. Beg her for her forgiveness; beg her to let me back into her life. But would she let me? Maybe I'd hurt her too much and she would reject me.

Another vision flashed in Alice's mind.

_Bella was standing at her bathroom sink, looking into the mirror. Her face was so white, the dark circles under her eyes more pronounced. Her cheek bones protruding even more. She leaned into the sink and tried to throw up but nothing came out._

What was wrong with her? Was she sick? What illness could be affecting her this way? I was in agony as fear ripped through my being. Whatever the illness, I would find the best doctors to care for her, no matter what the cost.

She pulled her clothes off aggressively and jumped in the shower. The gentleman in me told me to look away but the less noble side had to see the beautiful naked goddess that was my Bella. Her body was indescribable, she was perfect. Shock hit me like a boulder as I looked closer.

Her collar bone was sticking out much too far. I could see the outline of every one of her ribs, she was so thin. She was washing her body very hard; her translucent skin was turning an angry pink.

Why?

She took extra time scrubbing her stomach between her hips till it turned bright red.

What was going on? Why was she acting so strangely? What had happened to her?

Anger coursed through my body. If someone had hurt her, I would rip them limb from limb. I clenched my teeth together with and audible snap. I should have never left her. I was furious with myself.

"EDWARD" Jasper exhaled through clenched teeth.

I knew that he was picking up on my anger but that could not be helped. If he was seeing the same thing that Alice and I were, he would be feeling the same thing.

Her breathing was rapid as she continued her vision. I could hear the concern in her thoughts. She loved Bella like a sister and it was affecting her almost as much as me.

_Bella turned off the shower and reached for her towel. Suddenly everything went dark again._

"Oh my god, Edward, what's wrong with her? She looks worse," Alice gasped.

"I don't know," I hissed through my clenched teeth. If I wasn't a vampire, they probably would have shattered by now.

We sped down the highway as Alice explained her vision to Jasper. I didn't listen; I didn't want to go through that again. My emotions were chaotic. Anger, remorse, fear, hurt, every emotion that there was a name for ran through me at once. I felt like I was going to explode.

Another vision flashed in Alice's mind, "Road check," she sighed and Jasper slowed the car to a legal speed.

Ugh, this meant a longer wait before I could get to Bella. The waiting was intolerable, torture.

Relief washed over me as we crossed the outskirts of town. Dawn was just breaking over the horizon as we pulled into the garage of our former home. The three of us jumped from the car and ran into the forest. I was elated when we reached Bella's house. Her truck was in the driveway, good she was home. The knot in my stomach was starting to loosen now that I was finally where I wanted to be. Charlie's cruiser was gone so I concentrated on my extra hearing rather than my mind.

"Bella?" I heard a husky male voice say.

I didn't hear a response. Instead I heard light footsteps climbing the stairs and then a door closing. A moment later the rather large, dark skinned boy walked out her front door and jumped into a late model Volkswagen on the street that I hadn't noticed before.

Who was this boy? Jealousy and anger rocked me to my core. Irrationally I started towards the older car. I felt two hands grip my shoulders, restraining me.

"Edward, NO," jasper pleaded.

"What's going on? I can't see anything!" Alice complained.

I caught a strange scent as a light breeze blew past us.

"Blech, do you smell that?" Alice asked wrinkling her nose.

"Yeah, smells like a wet dog but worse," Jasper answered.

I sniffed the air again, wrinkling my nose to the smell. It was strange yet familiar but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I was too distracted by the boy that was now speeding down the road away from us. Fury hit me again.

"Edward, calm down," Jasper urged.

He was right,I couldn't be angry with the boy. How could anyone not want Bella? She was smart, beautiful, and perfect in every way. Sorrow engulfed me, maybe she had moved on as I meant for her to. I sank to my knees, I was empty.

"Oh, Edward, cheer up. Maybe he's just a friend," Alice tried to comfort me.

Hope swelled up inside of me, maybe he was just a friend, if so, I still might have a shot at winning her back.

"Damn, Edward, your emotions are all over the place. I can't keep up with you. You need to calm down and get a grip," Jasper complained.

I glared at him and settled into listen to Bella again. I heard water running, she was in the shower.

Wait, she always took her showers at night. Well there was no rule that said that someone can't take a shower in the morning. I must be getting paranoid. Oh how I longed to run inside her house and embrace her, never letting go. To kiss her luscious full lips, to smell her intoxicating scent, to feel her soft warm skin against mine...

"Edward, stop, please," Jasper groaned.

"Sorry, Jazz," I apologized.

Alice looked at us questioningly and Jasper just shook his head.

"Hey, there's that smell again," Alice gasped, "Look."

I followed her gaze to the forest across the road just in time to see the same dark skinned boy emerging from the trees, shirtless. How strange. I watched him cross the road and walk straight into Bella's house without even knocking first. I ground my teeth together, something's not right, I could feel it.

I listened intently. Bella had turned off her shower. I heard him knock on a door and call her name. A door opened but she didn't answer him. I was dying (figuratively) to know what was going on inside the house.

I heard a sliding of drawers and the strange boy spoke, "Bella, I'm so sorry about earlier, I shouldn't have done that."

What had he done? Had he hurt my Bella? My rage was rising again. I would kill him.

And then I heard the most beautiful sound, the voice of an angel.

"No, Jake, it was my fault. I should have stopped it before it got that far."

Wait, stopped what? Before what got too far? Had he taken advantage of her in her weakened state? I would torture him slowly before I killed him. Make him suffer for what he did. But what did he do? How far did he go?

"Bella, stop trying to take all the blame on yourself, I was there too you know. I should have controlled myself better," _I growled_, "I knew I needed to stop but I just got carried away,"_ my eyes were glazing over with a red fog. _

I could taste the venom flowing in my mouth. He would die for this. I got to my feet, my hands curled into fists. Jasper grabbed me from behind as I fought to shake him off.

Alice grabbed me around my waist pleading with me, "Edward you can't. Think of Bella, of what it would do to her if you suddenly burst into her house after all these months and attack this Jake right in front of her. Think, Edward, think of Bella!"

I looked at her small face as she clung to my torso. The fear and the pain in her eyes shocked me. I shocked me. What was I doing, what was wrong with me? I could never do that to Bella.

My emotions were from pure jealousy, envy of the boy who was with my love. But she wasn't mine anymore, she was his. This is what I had wanted her to do, to find someone to make her happy. My selfishness is what drove me to want to kill the boy. I had given her up so I had no right to interfere with her relationship with him.

Of course, he could always be the "Rebound" as they called it. A small glimmer of hope. I would stay; I would keep her safe and make sure she got better. I wished that I could read her mind to know what was wrong but alas, I couldn't. I would just have to wait for the opportune moment to sneak into her house and search for any medication that she might be taking; any indication of what was ailing her.

They moved to the kitchen and I heard someone rummaging through the refrigerator.

"Jacob, we don't have anything to eat. I haven't been to the store," my love spoke. Her voice had a subdued tone, weaker somehow.

"Well we could go to my house if you want. We got plenty," Jacob replied.

"Okay," Bella said but I could hear the reluctance in her voice.

I was torn as I watched them exit the house and get in her truck. I wanted to stay with Bella but I needed to look in her house too. Ugh, this was frustrating. I couldn't be in two places at once.

"Alice, you and Jasper follow Bella. I am going to search her house to try and figure out what is wrong with her."

She nodded in agreement and she and Jasper took off after Bella.

With Vampire speed, I ran to the door, grabbed the key from the eave and entered her house. The stench that we had smelled earlier hit me like a boulder as I closed the door. It was so much more concentrated in the house. It must be this boy Jacob that smelled so bad. How can Bella stand it?

I started searching in her bedroom first; the dog smell was here too. Jealousy hit me again; he had been in her room. What were they doing in here? I caught the most mouthwatering scent mixed in with the repulsive stink. I grabbed Bella's pillow and pulled it to my face. I inhaled deeply, reveling in the delicious scent of my angel. My memory hadn't done it justice.

Venom flowed freely in my mouth as I inhaled over and over again. I had missed it so. I placed her pillow back on her bed; I had a job to do. I searched her room, her night table, her dresser, her closet and found nothing. I went to the bathroom and searched the medicine cabinet and noting again. I moved to the kitchen, not a likely place to keep medication but I had to be thorough. I heard movement upstairs and I turned to see Alice coming down the stairs with a sorrowful look upon her face.

"Alice, what are you doing here? You were supposed to be following Bella," I demanded.

"I know, we were following her but then she crossed the Quileute treaty line so we had to stop," she explained in a remorseful tone.

My stomach dropped and I gasped, "NO!"

When Alice mentioned the treaty, it all clicked into place. The boy coming out of the forest, the smell emanating from him...

Realization hit me, I remembered him. He looked much different now, taller more muscular. His name was Jacob, Jacob Black!

"No," I gasped again.

"What? What is it Edward?" Alice came to my side.

"No, it can't be, it's not possible," I hissed.

"What's not possible? Edward tell me what's going on," Alice pleaded, shaking me.

"They've come back!" I whispered.

"Who? Who's come back? Edward, please tell me what's wrong," I looked into her eyes and saw the same emotions that were in mine.

"The werewolves, they're back."

"What?" she gasped.

"The smell coming from the boy, him coming from the woods, that's the only explanation. Jacob Black is a werewolf," I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"How can that be?" she asked.

"I don't know. I thought they had all died out but apparently not. Something has brought them back and B-Bella," I stammered.

Bella was friends, maybe even more, with a werewolf. My mind was reeling. The werewolves were back and Bella was spending time in close proximity to one. My beautiful, delicate, fragile Bella was in more danger than she had ever been in. People close to werewolves often got hurt or even killed when they lost control.

"We have to go and get her," I growled. If any harm came to her because of him; I would rip his mongrel ass apart.

"No we can't; we can't break the treaty,"

"Alice, Bella is in grave danger. Werewolves are volatile, unstable monsters. If they lose control, they can kill anyone who is near them," I tried to explain.

"I don't think we should break the treaty. I know you're worried about her and I am too but we need to think about this. I mean I can't see this Jacob, maybe it's because he's a werewolf, I don't know but we cant go starting a war not knowing how many there are or anything. We _can't_ go in there blind," she emphasized.

I knew she was right but Bella was in danger, she needed me. I always knew that Bella was a danger magnet but this was getting ridiculous. When we left I thought that she would be safe, as safe as Bella ever was. But somehow she had found a werewolf and then befriended it. How does she do it?

"Someone's coming," Jasper called from outside where he was keeping watch.

Alice grabbed my arm and started pulling me up the stairs.

"Come on, we have to go," she urged.

I resisted, I had to protect my love.

"Edward, she'll be fine; we will stay in the woods and watch them. If something happens, we are right here to stop it but we can't be here when they come in," she insisted.

I conceded and we ran upstairs and exited quietly through Bella's window, running into the tree line.

That is where I would stay and watch.

**Well that was a little longer. Hope you enjoyed it. Review please.** **Bella POV next.**


	7. Escape

I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.

BPOV

I was sitting at Jacobs' kitchen table picking apart the sandwich that he had made for me. I had been so wrapped up in my own personal hell that I'd forgotten to go to the store so we had no food at my house. Jacob sat beside me devouring the four sandwiches that he had made for himself; it was mildly amusing to watch. After finishing off his second one he looked at mine.

"Bella, are you going to eat that or just play with it?" he asked.

"I'm not really hungry," I replied.

It was true; I had not been hungry for months now. I ate of course but more often than not I would end up in the bathroom throwing it all back up. And for the last few days it had gotten worse. Everything I ate just came right back out so why even try.

"Bells, honey, you have to eat. You are getting so thin. I can see how your clothes are hanging off of you," he voiced his concern.

Like I didn't know that already, I _am_ the one who dresses me.

"Fine," I huffed a little irritated and took a bite of my sandwich.

I knew what would happen. I would end up in the bathroom throwing up, it was inevitable. I hated doing it because it was very unpleasant and sometimes painful but I had to make him happy. We finished our food in silence. Jake picked up our empty plates, placed them in the sink and sat back down beside me.

"You look so tired, what's wrong?" he questioned, his eyes boring into mine.

He cupped my cheek in his large hand and ran his thumb across the dark circle under my right eye. I just shrugged. I couldn't tell him the reasons for my sleepless nights and I couldn't lie to him either. I was a terrible liar and he could always tell.

"Look, I'm your boyfriend now, you're supposed to talk to me when something is bothering you," he insisted.

"Jake, I..." before I could finish the nausea set in. I clamped my hand over my mouth and ran to his bathroom. It usually didn't come on this fast, most of the time I had about thirty minutes before my stomach rejected anything.

"Bella, are you okay? Do you need a doctor?" Jake worried through the door.

I rinsed my mouth and looked in the mirror. Ugh, I looked terrible. I turned and opened the door; Jake's massive form was standing there eying me carefully. I stepped towards him and swayed. The room began to spin and I couldn't feel my legs. All the sleepless nights and the lack of food crashed down on me and I collapsed. Jacob's warm arms caught me before my face hit the floor.

"Bella! BELLA!" was the last thing I heard before the darkness enveloped me.

I woke up to the sounds of beeping and frantic whispers coming from beside me. My eyelids were too heavy for me to open but I could see the red tint behind them. Wherever I was it was bright. Since my eyes refused to open I concentrated on the sounds I heard.

"What's wrong with her Doc?" I heard Charlie's anxious voice say. Ugh, I was at the doctor.

"She's extremely dehydrated and exhausted. She's also lost a lot of weight. You should have brought her in sooner," the doctor reprimanded.

"She said she was fine and refused to come in when I asked her," Charlie defended himself.

"Well she'll have to remain here for a few days so we can monitor her progress. Well give her fluids and something to help her sleep. She should be fine in a couple of days," the doctor assured him.

I felt a warm hand brush my hair from my face and soft lips kiss my forehead. From the excessive heat it must be Jacob.

"Jake, what's going on with her? Your her best friend, you spend all of your time with her, you must know what's wrong," Charlie demanded.

"I don't really know. I know that she's not sleeping but I don't know why. She won't tell me," Jacob muttered.

"I know... I hear her crying at night and sometimes screaming. It all started when the Cullen's left but it seemed like it was getting better lately and now this," my dad sighed.

Oh my god, he said their name. He knew better than that. My heart broke in half exposing the anguish within. I started crying, not opening my eyes. I felt another hand grasp my fingers, a cooler one than before, "Bella?" it was Charlie. I rolled away from him and hysterical sobs came out of me. I didn't know the sound, it was unfamiliar to me. Most of the time when I cried, I tried to keep it to a minimum so that I wouldn't scare my Dad but now I just couldn't control it. Another much warmer hand touched my face. I swung my arm up to knock it away. I felt a pulling, tearing and stabbing pain on the back of my hand.

"STOP HER, she's going to rip the IV out," I felt the same warm hand grasp my wrist, holding it still. I didn't want this; I didn't want to be touched. I just wanted them to leave me alone and let me die. I couldn't take this life anymore. The pain, the agony was too much for me to bear. I twisted my arm, trying to escape the iron grip on my wrist, to no avail. I started kicking and flailing my other arm.

"Bella stop!" Jacob's voice was strained as he placed his other hand on my chest, pinning me to the bed.

I finally opened my eyes and stared directly into his. His face was contorted in pain, I had hurt him again. I had hurt so many people, my friends, my family, I had caused so much suffering. I was a monster. I shouldn't be allowed to even walk among normal people. I was a disease; I was cancer eating away at everyone that came into contact with me. My life was an endless abyss of pain and suffering. How can I keep inflicting myself on others? I looked deep into Jacob's eyes.

"Just let me go," I whispered, beseeching him to just let me die, to end my suffering.

He shook his head no and I saw a tear escape his eye. I closed my eyes and started fighting again. I wanted this purgatory to end and just go straight to Hell where I deserved to be.

"Doctor, we need a doctor in here!" Charlie shouted from the other side of the room.

I heard feet scuffling and someone say, "Sedate her," before I felt a sharp prick in my upper arm. Quickly, I felt my body stop moving. I hadn't even realized how many hands were holding me down until my limbs went limp. My mind was being overtaken by a fog. I heard the fast pace of the beeping monitor slow and the hands started releasing me. I tried to fight it but I could not.

"She'll be out for about eight hours now. You two should go home and get some rest before we end up with two more casualties," I heard a gruff voice say but I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not because it sounded like it was coming from a long rubber hose. My breath hitched one last time and I was out.

My dreams came sporadically.

_I was in the forest running as fast as I could, being chased by a giant russet brown wolf. I didn't know why or where I was running but I just kept going, pushing myself harder than I ever had before._

I knew I was dreaming because I ducked and dodged every branch and jumped every root without falling_. _

_I broke through the trees and was in a meadow, our meadow. I suddenly saw what I had been running to. I saw a fan of fiery red hair blowing like flames in a stiff breeze. I ran straight for her, the russet wolf on my heels, growling. Victoria's face lit up and she came for me with vampire speed and grabbed me by the shoulders with her stone hands. I leaned my head back to give her easier access as she delicately brushed her teeth across my neck, severing my head in one fluid movement. _

_I could still see and hear as my head rolled across the grass. The giant wolf that had been chasing me stopped and howled in agony, a baseball sized tear rolled down his muzzle._

Even in my dreams I was causing him pain_._

I stirred groggily as the hospital bed sank behind me. I was lying on my side and I couldn't make out whether I was awake or still dreaming.

A body pressed against my back as a pair of ice cold arms wrapped around my waist. Well, still dreaming.

Since I was dreaming, I might as well enjoy it.

I lifted my heavy arm and reached for the cold hand. I pulled it up to where its' forearm rested between my breasts and curled my hand and the cold one under my chin. I let out a contented sigh; I knew this arm, this hand. I guess my dreams were less guarded when I was all drugged up. I didn't care, this is what I'd been yearning for for months. I leaned my head down and inhaled the scent. Yep, it was him, his scent was heavenly.

The fog was rolling in again. My dream must be changing but I had one more thing I had to do.

"Edward, I love you, I'm sorry I wasn't enough," and my dream vanished.

I woke up minutes, hours, days later I couldn't tell. I felt a warm hand intertwined with mine. Jacob was back and he was griping my hand uncomfortably tight. I whimpered and tried to pull my hand free but couldn't. I opened my eyes and looked at him groggily.

He was sitting in a vinyl chair beside my bed. His head resting on the mattress beside my stomach. He was asleep, snoring lightly. He looked so troubled. Even in his sleep he was in pain. His face contorted, forehead wrinkled and brow furrowed. My heart ached for him. I was the source of his suffering yet again.

Carefully, I pried his fingers from mine, ignoring all the wires and tubes coming from my hand. I had to get out of here. I had to run as far away from people as possible.

My heart was somewhere else; it had always and will always belong to Edward. At the thought of his name my heart sank. He must have known what a deplorable person I was, that's why he left me, so I couldn't hurt him like I was hurting everyone else around me. I had to escape, I had to get out of this hospital, I had to end it.

I looked at my hand again, I had one of those heart beat monitor things clipped to my finger. I had watched enough medical shows to know that if I just pulled it off, all kinds of alarms would start going off.

_Think, Bella, think._

Jacobs hand was still lying on my bed, inspiration struck. I picked up his finger as gently as I could and quickly pulled the finger clip off of mine and slipped it on his. His heart rate was a little faster than mine but no alarms had gone off so maybe no one would notice. Just one obstacle remained, the IV. I pulled one side of the tape up that was securing it to my hand and then the other. I held my breath, knowing that blood was coming, and pulled the needle out.

I clamped the palm of my hand over the top of the bleeding one and slid very easily off the bed. I had to brace myself on the wall because my legs were weak. My whole body was weak, from the drugs or my health, I didn't know.

I cracked the door to my room and peered out into the hall. There were a few people wandering the halls in hospital gowns so maybe I would not draw too much attention to myself. I opened the door just enough for me to squeeze through. I glanced back a Jacob, he was still sleeping, and I closed the door gently. I walked down the hall, steadying myself with the wall.

I peeked into a door and to my luck found shelves full of light blue scrubs. I grabbed a pair and pulled them on over my gown. I left the room and peeked around the corner. A nurse was standing behind the nurses station counter and on the other side was the elevator. I watched carefully as she grabbed a folder and turned away from where I was to place it in a pile behind her. I squatted down on my hands and feet and shuffled to the other side of the counter.

Problem, how was I going to push the button to bring the elevator without being seen? I had to hurry, Jacob could wake up and notice that I was gone any second. I looked from my right to my left.

Aha, the stairwell. I peeked around the corner of the desk and the nurse was on the phone with her back to me. I crawled quickly past her, stood up and ran lightly to the stairs, careful not to make my bare feet slap on the floor.

My heart was racing, adrenaline pumping as I grabbed the railing on the stairs. I stumbled my way down four flights of steps, still weak. I had to use all the strength I had left to stand up straight and walk normal. People walked past me not paying any attention to my clothes or my wobble or my bare feet.

I spotted an EXIT sign and followed it to a door. I flung it open and the sunless day still half blinded me I covered my eyes and looked around. I crossed the lawn and disappeared into the trees. The ground was soft beneath my feet as I ran through the forest. I felt a few rocks or branches, I didn't know which, gouge the soles of my feet.

I had escaped the hospital undetected but where was I going now? I didn't even know what direction I was headed. I was gasping for air as I ran. Limbs were whipping my face, my arms, my neck but it doesn't matter.

The adrenaline started to wear off and I suddenly felt like my arms and legs had turned to mush. I staggered and caught myself on a large tree, scrapping my palm. My head started to swim, I sank to the soggy ground, I couldn't move anymore.

I was bleeding from my hand and all the scratches on my face, neck and arms. My only hope was that the scent of my blood would carry on the breeze to Victoria. If she wasn't too far away, maybe she would find me and finally end my pathetic life. The trees started spinning and darkness encompassed me once again.

**Well what do you think? Next is EPOV but I am knida stuck about who finds Bella. Any suggestions? Please R&R I need input please please please. And thanks to all those who have Reviewed and put me on their Author/ Story/ Favorites Alert. I love you guys**. ~Pixdog~


	8. Visions

I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.

EPOV

We waited an excruciatingly long amount of time. The car that Jasper had heard was Charlie's cruiser but he didn't stop at the house. He flew by his house with amazing speed with the lights flashing. I wondered why but I was more worried about Bella. I hadn't found anything inside the house that would give me a clue to what was making her so sick. My mind was racing, going over all the medical training that I had form working with Carlisle, there were too many possibilities.

Alice patted me on the shoulder, "It's going to be okay," she soothed.

"You don't know that Alice. You can't see that," I argued.

She dropped her hand, turned and buried her face in Jasper's chest. I could hear her crying as Jasper wrapped his arms around her and gave me the most menacing look that I had ever seen on his face. He leaned his cheek on top of her head. I suddenly felt a wave of calm wash over me and this time I didn't object.

I needed a few moments of calm to figure out my next move. I needed to think rationally. First I need to figure out what's wrong with Bella and get her the help she needs. I need to find out how involved she is with Jacob. Even in my mind his name comes out as a snarl.

Is he her boyfriend or just a friend? If he was her boyfriend then I would wait and watch. Make sure he doesn't hurt her and hope that one day they would drift apart and maybe I could try to win my way back into her heart. If he was just a friend then I would plead with her to take me back even though I didn't deserve it, not after what I had done to her.

And my final option, if she refuses to take me back, _I winced at the thought_, I would stay out of sight and watch her and keep her safe like a guardian angel, for the rest of her life. And when she dies,_ I winced again,_ I will follow her in death as soon as I can mange it. Those were my plans no matter which way she went.

Alice's head snapped up and her eyes became blank. Her vision flashed in my head. Bella was in the hospital. I gasped out loud. I started running as fast as I could, leaving the others behind me. There was only one hospital close by so I ran in that direction, hoping that's where she would be. I heard Jasper and Alice behind me but I didn't slow.

We were almost at the edge of the forest at the hospital when Alice yelled at me in her mind, _"Edward Stop! You can't just go barging in there,_" I stopped before I exited the trees.

"Alice, I have to know. I have to help somehow. No one will see me, I promise," I assured her.

"You two keep watch out here, I'll be back soon," I turned and walked a human speed into the Hospital.

I scanned the thoughts around me so I could know when to run or when to hide behind a door or in a utility closet or wherever. I smelled a trace of the dogs scent with a hint of Bella's mingled in. I followed it up the elevator, stopping on every floor until I picked it up again. I followed the scent and Bella's got stronger. I found the door that her floral smell was seeping through. I listened carefully and heard her light snores. She was sleeping so I quietly entered.

A lump caught in my throat as I realized that this was the closest I have been to her in months. I swallowed the venom in my mouth and ignored the burn in my throat as I breathed in her luscious scent. She was so beautiful in every way. I shook my head to clear it and stepped to the foot of her bed.

I picked up the chart that hung there and flipped through it. Dehydration, Exhaustion and Malnutrition. So she was ill but not from a disease or virus. What had caused her to get this way?

I saw a small note scribbled at the bottom of the page. Patient had a bout of hysteria and had to be sedated. Oh my poor Bella. My silent heart ripped apart. The pain, the anguish was more potent than anything I had ever felt.

I looked at my lovely sleeping beauty. An uncontrollable urge drew me to her side. I knew I shouldn't do it but I couldn't resist. I climbed on the bed next to her and softly placed my arm over her waist.

It felt right, this is where I was meant to be, where I belonged. My face was in her hair and I inhaled deeply.

_Oh my god she smells like an angel's beauty._

I froze as she weakly moved her hand to mine. Had I woken her? She pulled my hand up, resting my forearm between her gorgeous full breasts; I felt a twinge in my pants.

_What was wrong with me? That should not be happening right now._

I breathed deeply trying to control myself but he smell had the opposite affect. I made myself sick.

She curled her hand and mine under her chin. Her skin was so soft but not as warm as it used to be. Why?

She sighed and tilted her head towards out hand and inhaled deeply.

"Edward I love you. I'm sorry I wasn't enough," she whispered in her sleep.

My heart screamed, torn again. She still loved me. She_ loves_ me, even after everything, she _still_ loves me. Wait, what did she mean by 'I'm sorry I wasn't enough'?

Did she honestly believe what I had told her in the forest? How could I ever make this up to her?

Now that I knew she still loved me I was filled with hope. I would spend the rest of my existence making it up to her, showing her how much she meant to me, how much I loved her.

I was content for the moment just having her in my arms. Smelling her, having her warmth against my body, I could stay here forever.

I laid there for a while until I heard Alice's thoughts enter my mind.

_The werewolf is coming._

I slid away from my Bella with a heavy heart but smiled as she frowned from the loss of contact. I scanned the thoughts around me and made my escape. Most thoughts were about medical issues but as I reached the trees one thought caught my attention.

_Stupid bloodsuckers at her house and now here. They better stay away from her. _

I found Alice and Jasper waiting just out of sight.

"He knows we're here," I breathed.

"How?" Jasper gasped.

"He smelled me. He knows that I was in Bella's house too. I think that he is going to come find us after he checks on Bella," _good now maybe I can find out what kind of feelings she has for him. And maybe how she came to be in the state she is in._

"I think we should leave," Alice suggested.

I glared at her and shook my head. I was not leaving until I got some answers. She didn't like it, not seeing what would happen.

I saw Jacob leave the hospital and sniff the air. He turned in our direction and headed towards us.

"Get ready, here he comes," I warned.

Jasper came to stand beside me, pulling Alice behind him. As Jacob got closer he started shaking violently and his smell slapped us all in the face, _repulsive._

He came to a stop about twenty feet away from us. His eyes narrow, his nose wrinkled and fury emanating off of him.

"What the _Hell _are you doing back?" he growled.

"We came back to check on Bella," I tried to control my voice.

"She doesn't need you to check on her. Haven't you done enough damage?"

"What do you mean? What's wrong with her?" Alice squeaked behind Jasper.

"She can't eat, she can't sleep and it's all your fault. Like you care," he scoffed.

"We love her, of course we care," Alice responded angrily.

"Yeah right, like your kind is even capable of love," he huffed.

Alice started to move from behind Jasper but I held up my hand to stop her.

"We are not here to fight with you wolf,"_ even though I would love to rip his throat out and watch him bleed, "_We are here to help Bella," I insisted.

"She doesn't need your help. I'm her boyfriend now;_ I_ will take care of her."

"Looks like your doing a fantastic job," I motioned to the hospital just out of view.

"That's your fault not mine," he hissed.

"How so?" I asked.

"You did this to her when you abandoned her in the woods," I saw a flash in his mind and I cringed.

_Bella lying on the forest floor, curled up in a ball crying, "He's gone!" _

I shook my head back and forth trying not to see the pain I had caused her. Tears would have leaked from my eyes if that were possible.

"You've done enough damage so just keep away from her," he growled.

His tone was possessive, like he owned her.

"She's not your property, you can't dictate who she is friends with," Alice piped up.

Jacob snarled at her and turned back to me. "She doesn't want you anymore. She is with me now and you can just go back to whatever coffin you came out of," a smirk played across his face and I saw a memory in his mind.

_He was lying on top of Bella on the couch in her living room. He was kissing her neck, her jaw, her lips_.

All the things that I used to do to her and some things I never did. I growled deep in my chest.

_He was rubbing himself on her and I could sense his excitement._

It made me sick. His eyes flashed to her face for an instant and that was all it took. I saw the look in her eyes. They were dead, emotionless. It seemed like she wasn't even there in her mind. How could he not sense that she was motionless, not moving, not responding to his touch. I know how enthusiastic she can be. The way she was with me.

I just smiled at him.

He grimaced and hissed, "I don't want you within a hundred miles of her, _any_ of you!"

"I will come as close to her as I like. The treaty only covers your land and unless you have acquired Forks in the past few months, you have no say as to where we go, dog," I replied politely.

"She is _mine_! You will stay away from her," he roared.

"Hmph, and who's going to stop us, you?" I was trying to antagonize him. I would like nothing more than to tear him to shreds for just thinking about my Bella much less touching her.

"You wouldn't be the first leech I took care of," he glared at me.

_Bella was on the ground I our meadow, Laurent standing over her. He crouched, ready to assault his prey._ I gasped. _The wolves attacked him, I only_ saw _four including Jacob, and saved Bella._

"Laurent," I hissed.

"Yeah, we killed that leach without a problem and we'll get the redhead soon so I think we can handle you," he boasted.

"Redhead?" I inquired and I saw her in his mind.

"Victoria is here? In Forks?"

"Yeah and..." he started but I looked at Alice.

"Look for her, Alice. Can you see if she is coming for Bella?" I urged.

Alice nodded and here eyes glazed over as she looked into the future. I concentrated on her visions and watched them with her. They were erratic, jumping in flashes and disappearing all together sometimes. Mostly she was in a forest, running through the trees but there was one instantaneous flash that made Alice and I both gasp.

_Victoria was standing in the woods outside Bella's house._

"What is it Alice?" Jasper asked, wrapping his arms over her shoulders. He could feel our anxiety over what we had just seen.

"Alice, look for Bella's, maybe we can pinpoint something more definite," I instructed.

She gazed into the future again.

_Bella was running through the woods in light blue scrubs, bleeding from cuts on hr face and neck. She stopped by a large tree, gasping for air and she collapsed._

"When!?" I shouted.

"I don't know, that's all I'm getting." she shook her head.

"Look harder, there must be something else," I was panicking.

"That's it, there is no more," she insisted.

Okay I had to think. First we had to stop Victoria, she wasn't coming to the hospital but maybe she was going to Bella's house. Even if Bella wasn't there Charlie might be and if anything happened to him, it would destroy Bella. So we would go after Victoria and kill her before she could harm either of them.

But what about Bella? I didn't want to leave her. I started pacing back and forth playing different scenarios out in my head. I didn't want Alice and Jasper hunting Victoria alone. Yes they could take care of themselves but I wanted to be there. I wanted to kill her myself for what she has done to Bella. Kill her for sending Laurent after Bella for hunting her coursed trough my veins at the thought of turning her into a pile of ashes.

But what about Bella? Alice saw her in light blue scrubs, the kinds this hospital used. So most likely she had gotten them from here and ran into this forest. Again, I couldn't be in two places at once and we didn't know when Bella would be doing this. I ran my hand through my hair, frustrated, as a breeze blew that disgusting mongrels scent to me.

I stopped my pacing and looked up at Jacob. I didn't like the idea but I didn't have much choice.

"Jacob, we need your help," I said through clenched teeth. Alice and Jasper gasped.

"No!" Jacob responded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You have to help us," I hissed.

"The Hell I do! I don't have to do anything for you," He shouted.

"Look, it's not for us it's for Bella," I changed tactics.

Even though the thought of asking for a werewolves help made my stomach turn, I had to make sure Bella stayed in the hospital.

"Listen, Alice can see the future..."

"I know, Bella told me," he interrupted.

"Well she just saw Victoria at Bella's house and we have to go stop her..."

"I can take care of that bloodsucker," he interrupted again.

"No! You have to stay here. Alice also saw Bella running away from the hospital and collapsing somewhere in these woods. So you need to stay here and make sure that doesn't happen," Ugh, I hated having to rely on a dog.

"Fine but I'm not doing it for you," he huffed.

"Just keep her here," and he turned and headed for the hospital as Alice, Jasper and I ran to meet Victoria for the last time.

* * *

**Okay so what do you think? I havent gotten the next chapter in my head yet so it might be a little longer for me to post it. I still havent decided who or if anyone will find Bella in the woods so any ideas? Please Review. I need input. ~pixdog~**


	9. The Prize

I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.

BPOV

I woke up to the smell of wet dirt in my nose. My body was hurting and opened my eyes. I didn't understand why I was looking at the trunk of a tree. I sat up and brushed the dirt off of my cheek and looked around. I took me a minute to remember what was going on.

I used the trunk for support and got to my feet, brushing myself off. I didn't think that I had been lying there long because the scrape on my hand was still moist with blood. I looked around, making sure that no one was following me, and started making my way through the forest.

Hopefully no one had noticed that I was missing yet. But they could at any minute so I quickened my pace, using the trees to keep my balance. My head was still spinning slightly but I ignored it. I had to hurry, Jacob could wake up any second and I knew that as soon as he noticed me missing that he would start searching.

When he realizes that I went into the woods then he would change into a wolf and I would have no chance of out running him. Some how I had to get to my house, grab some clothes and my secret stash of money, get my truck and drive as far away from here as possible.

Ugh, how was I going to manage that though? I didn't even know where I was or what direction I was headed in. I looked around again and I saw nothing but trees so I tried to listen. All I could hear was my feet breaking sticks and making a kind of squishing sound on the wet ground. I stopped, closed my eyes, held my breath and listened as hard as I could. Nothing but birds and the trees rustling in the breeze.

My lungs started to ache so I breathed again and started running for a little while longer before I stopped and tried again. I did this about three times before I heard a familiar sound. It was faint but I could hear the sound of tires rolling on wet pavement to my right. I adjusted my direction and ran as fast as my weakened body would allow.

Before I knew it, I broke through the trees on the edge of a highway. I looked both ways and saw nothing. I sighed; I guess that's what happens when you live in a place that is so sparsely populated. I picked a direction and started jogging down the road. I couldn't have been going for no more than five minutes before I saw a red car coming towards me. I knew that I shouldn't do it but I stuck out the thumb of my right hand.

Ever since I could remember my parents have always told me not to take rides from strangers.

"You never know, it could be a murderer," my mom would always say.

_Hmm... if I could only be that lucky._

The red car slowed and pulled up beside me. A kind faced woman leaned over the seat and smiled at me.

"Are you alright honey?"

I bent down and smiled back, it took a lot of effort.

"No, my car broke down a ways back and my cell phone didn't get service so I couldn't call for help. Would it be possible for me to get a ride from you?" I lied.

"Sure hop in."

I opened the door and jumped in the passenger side.

"Where are you headed?" she asked looking at my clothes and then to my bare feet. I had to come up with a believable explanation.

"Well, I just got off work at the hospital and I was heading home to Forks when my stupid car just quit on me. Then my phone wouldn't work so I started walking and I stepped into a deep mud hole and lost my shoes. It's been a really bad day so far," I sighed.

Hopefully this would explain everything good enough to keep her from getting suspicious. She made a u-turn in the road and headed down the highway. Well at least I was headed in the right direction anyway.

"You look too young to be working at a hospital," she replied, not in a suspicious way but in complimentary way.

"Well, actually I am. I'm in college and we have to complete so many hours in a hospital setting to get the credits," Wow I was getting better at this lying thing.

"Oh, I hope you do well. Do you like it?" she asked.

"Yes Ma'am but its hard work," I replied.

"Oh my, how rude of me. My name is Dawn."

"Heather," I smiled, it was the first thing that came to mind. I couldn't tell her my real name because I knew that my dad would be posting it on every radio show, all over the papers and on every news broadcast.

We drove through the outskirts of town and Dawn asked, "Where to?"

I gave her directions to my house and had her stop a few houses down in case my dad was home. She pulled the car to the curb and stopped.

"Thank you so much. If you wait here I'm sure my dad will give you gas money for you trouble," I knew she wouldn't accept it, she was too nice.

"No, no dear, this was my good deed for the day," she smiled.

I jumped out of the car, smiled and waved at her as she drove away. I waited till she was out of sight and started towards my house. I looked at my driveway and it was empty.

Oh_ no_, my truck must still be at Jacobs house. Now what was I going to do?

I grabbed the key from under the eave and ran up to my room. I pulled my duffle bag out of my closet and threw it on my bed. I walked over to my dresser and started grabbing whatever I could get my hands on, making sure that I grabbed the rolled up sock with all of my secret money stash.

I returned to my bed and started shoving things in my bag. I knew that I didn't have much time so I just shoved everything in as fast as I could. I pulled my money out of the sock and started counting it. I hope I had enough for a cab and maybe a bus ticket. I couldn't just go to La Push and get my truck because I was sure to get caught then.

"Going somewhere?" a husky voice called form behind me.

I jumped and turned to see Jacob leaning against my door. His arms were folded across his bare chest, hands shaking and his face... I had never seen his face like that. His eyes were narrowed, almost closed, his lips pressed tight together, brow furrowed. I almost didn't recognize him, he scared me.

"J-Jacob," I squeaked.

"Bella, what the hell do you think you are doing?" he asked, his voice shaking with anger.

"Umm..." I didn't know what to say.

I started trembling, my heart pounded in my chest. I had never been afraid of Jacob before but now I was suddenly terrified.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I have to go..." he came towards me in such a way that I put my arms up defensively.

He jerked the money out of my hand and grabbed my wrist roughly.

"Give that back!" I winced as he tightened his grip on my wrist.

"Bella, why are you doing this? We were finally going to be happy and now your just going to run away? It's because of him isn't it? You were going to run to him," he growled.

"Ow, Jake, let go your hurting me," I whimpered.

"I won't let you, your mine now not his. He lost any claim he had on you when he left you in the woods to die." he shoved my money in the pocket of his cut off jeans and grabbed my other wrist. I struggled to pull away but I was no match for his strength.

"Jake, what are you doing? Let go of me! I don't know what your talking about," I tried to twist loose, my hands going numb.

I looked into his eyes, I didn't recognize them. This wasn't the Jacob I knew, these were the eyes of a monster. I started shaking violently, because of his shaking or my fear, I didn't know.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. He can't have you, you're mine now. I'll make you forget him one way or the other. I have been patient, played the very nice understanding guy but my patients has run out. I can't pretend anymore, I can't be something I'm not. I won this game and now your mine," he growled.

"What are you talking about? What's wrong with you?" I couldn't understand what he was saying.

My best friend, my own personal sun, my Jacob was a lie, an act? What? That can't be. I always had a feeling deep down that Jacob was keeping something from me but I never thought anything of it. I mean, I was keeping things from him too so I never really paid any attention.

_Why_ is my life like this? People say when life gives you lemons make lemonade but what do you do when it gives you rotten potatoes?

I pulled and twisted in his iron grip to no avail.

"Jacob, just let me go and I'll leave," I stammered.

"No, I won this game, now I want to enjoy my prize," he pulled me to his chest wrapping one arm around my shoulders and grabbing the back of my neck with the other hand.

I put my hands up against his chest and tried to push him away but he just dug his fingers into my neck, the pain was excruciating, and pulled me to his lips. I tried to say 'Stop' but it was muffled by his lips. He pushed me up against the wall with such force that it knocked the breath out of me.

I tried to pull my knee up to hit him in the groin but he blocked it with his leg. He just smiled at me, "I like it better when you fight."

He grabbed my shoulders and threw me on my bed. He was on top of me in an instant, straddling my hips. He placed one large hand over my mouth and gathered my hands in his other, pulling them over my head.

He leaned down and whispered in my ear, "You don't know how long I've wanted to do this. The other day, on the couch, I didn't lose control, I knew exactly what I was doing. I heard him coming, running through the woods. I knew that he could hear us, I wanted him to. I wanted him to smell me, to know that I had more of you than he did. I knew he was listening to our conversation afterwards because I heard the female telling him that he couldn't come in and kill me. Ha, like he could. I wish he would have though. I'd love to do nothing more than to kill him, well except for maybe to do you," he looked me up and down.

My eyes had widened and I stared at him. What was he saying? Who was he talking about? He couldn't be talking about Edward, could he? NO, it wasn't possible, he wouldn't have a reason to come back.

Jacob turned and bit my earlobe hard. I felt his teeth pierce my skin. I cried out in pain but his hand silenced it.

He moved to my neck and started kissing and sucking on it hard. I struggled against him but it just excited him more. He replaced his hand over my mouth with his lips, kissing me aggressively.

How was I supposed to fight him off? He had me pinned, I couldn't move. He leaned slightly to one side and brought his free hand to my breast, squeezing it so hard I thought I would burst. I screamed into his lips but again it was silenced. I was panicking, how could I stop this?

I couldn't, I was only a weak human after all. My only hope was that my dad would come home but I didn't know if that would happen. My mind started to shut down, it couldn't handle any more suffering.

I felt Jacobs hand slide down my stomach and start to pull on the waistband of my pants. At the same time, his lips pushed mine apart as he forced his tongue in my mouth. I felt my pants rip and my teeth clamped down as hard as I could make them. He yelped and pulled back, I tasted blood.

I took a quick deep breath and screamed as load as I could, "Jacob Black, get off me!" if anyone heard me at least they would know his name.

He slapped me in the mouth and I felt my skin split. He started to remove his shorts, my mind went blank. My eyes went dark, I couldn't see, I shut down. The last thing I remember was Jacobs' weight lifting off of me and then I was gone.

* * *

**Well what do you think? Ooo Jacob was just posing LOL. Like most men just palying a part until they get what they want. Anyway it may take me a little while to post that next chapter for 1 I havent written it yet 2 Dont know what's going to happen myself & 3 gotta work all weekend so dont know when I'll have the time but I promise that I will get to it. Please R&R. ~Pixdog~**


	10. Savior

I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.

**Sorry this took so long but I just finished most of it and decided to put the rest in the next chapter so you guys could get your fix. Off to see the midnight showing of Half Blood Prince tonight so be out for a while. I will try to finish the next chapter as soon as possible.  
**

**EPOV**

We ran away from the Hospital at full speed. My heart was aching, it felt like I was leaving it behind. I had just gotten to see my angel for the first time in months and now I was leaving her again. I now know that she still loves me so my mind was racing. How was I going to convince her to let me back in?

Even though she still loved me, would she take me back? I know that I am no where near good enough for such a beautiful being but I was going to try. She was my love, my life, the reason that I exists and I needed to be with her, to love her the way that I knew she should be loved. First though I had to make her safe. Safe from Victoria, safe from the wolves.

"Alice, can you see where Victoria is?" I asked as the wind blew through my hair.

"Yes, she is near the school, heading in the direction of Bellas' house," she replied.

"Is Charlie home?"

"No, he is at work for the moment but he will be arriving shortly so we need to get this finished quickly," she told us.

"We will need to surround her and take her from all sides at once. She will probably try to run but if we position ourselves around her she will not be able to escape," Jasper instructed.

I was glad that he had all his years of military training to fall back on. We needed his strategic ability to make this end quickly. I needed to get back to Bella and get that dog away from her.

"So did you find out what was wrong with Bella? Is it serious?" Alice asked, worry in her voice.

"Yes, she is exhausted and undernourished but she should recover fully." my voice broke at the last part.

She heard the hesitation in my voice, "And?"

"Well I am worried about one thing. She had to be sedated because she was hysterical and I don't know what to think about that. I mean, what could that be from? What caused her to do that bad enough to have to be sedated?" I wondered, was her mental state so bad that she was going crazy or was it because of her physical health?

Alice just looked pointedly at me.

_Edward what do you think it is from? Her heart was broken and she just wasn't able to get over it. I knew something like this would happen and I told you but you are just too stubborn to see it. I wouldn't blame her one bit if she just drove her truck right over your sorry ass._

"Alice, please, I know that but I had to try and protect her, to do what was best for her not me," I retorted but I knew she was right and my heart broke again.

_Well that didn't work out so well though. She loves you and would do anything for you. You should have let her make up her own mind and not tried to force your selfishness on her._

"My selfishness? What do you mean?" I was not being selfish, I had to give up the love of my existence just to try and keep her safe. How could Alice even think that it was my selfishness. I had suffered unbearably for what I had to do. I didn't do that for me, I did it for Bella, and she was the only thing that I had on my mind when I left. The only thing I had on my mind ever.

_You only think of what you want. You want her to stay human but at the same time stay with you even though you know that it is not what she wants. She wants to be one of us, she doesn't want to get old and die. She wants to be with you for the rest of eternity and all you do is deny her that. Why? _

"I don't want to destroy her life," I growled.

_Why would it destroy her life when she knows what it entails? She knows what happens, she knows that her life will change but she doesn't care. She wants to be with us and you are keeping her from that because of your stupid morality. Let her be the judge of what she wants her life to be._

"Alice, I cant. She doesn't realize everything that she would lose, her friends, her family, the ability to have children and grandchildren. I can't take that from her, I wont," if I could shed tears they would be streaming down my face.

_Well Edward that is not your choice to make. If you don't think that she knows then talk to her and tell her your fears. Let her decide what is important to her. Let her make an informed decision on her own but don't force your version of right and wrong on her._

"I'll think about it but I'm not going to make any decisions right now. We have to take care of the business at hand first," I wanted this conversation to end, I couldn't think about that right now.

_Fine but remember that this is not always about you._

I nodded.

"Alice, call Carlisle and tell him that we might need them to come here. If something is seriously wrong with Bella, we could use his expertise. I need to make sure that she has the best care possible and also tell him about the wolves. We might need him here if something happens with them." I instructed.

Jacob didn't seem the type to just let go of Bella. Something in his mind was eluding me but I couldn't figure it out. He was hiding something from me and I didn't like that way his mind felt when we talked about Bella. It was too possessive and it felt wrong somehow, sinister. If we had to confront the wolves then I would like to have my whole family here for backup. We hadn't broken the treaty but I didn't know how strongly these new wolves regarded it.

Alice did as I requested and called the family. I didn't listen to her conversation because we were getting close to the school and I had to concentrate on listening with my mind to try and locate Victoria.

Alice closed her phone and said, "They are on their way. They should be here in a couple of hours."

I nodded again and kept scanning the surrounding forest. We ran through Victorias' scent and stopped. My head snapped to the left and I heard her mind.

_Stupid humans always trying to run from me. They can't escape no matter how hard they try. But this one has eluded me for far too long. She will pay for her stupidity. She will pay for what her little coven did to James. _He_ will pay. I will make sure she suffers for what he did. I will break every bone in her body and make her writhe in pain for days before I kill her. Make her regret the day she ever came across our kind. But first I think I will kill her father in front of her and make her beg for me to stop torturing him. His fragile little body will be the perfect snack before the main course._

Fury boiled over in me and I let out a guttural snarl. I could feel the venom flowing freely in my mouth.

"She is planning on killing Charlie and making Bella watch. She is almost at their house," I hissed.

Alice, Jasper and I turned and ran to Bella's house.

About a mile away we caught up to Victoria. She stopped dead in her tracks and spun around to face us. She sunk into a defensive crouch and her lips curled up over her teeth as she snarled at us. The three of us separated as we circled and surrounded her. Her eyes darted form face to face as she contemplated a way to escape.

"There is no use in trying it. We will stop you. You will hunt Bella no more," I stated matter-of-factly.

She snapped her gaze to me with narrowed eyes. I returned it with a smile, flashing my teeth. She growled and lunged at me. I dodged her easily, grabbed a handful of her hair and swung her into the nearest tree, snapping it.

She jumped to her feet and flew at Alice. Jasper hit her from the side as a metallic screeching sound ripped through the trees. Victoria bounded back screaming in pain. Part of her left arm, below the elbow, was missing due to Jaspers lethal teeth.

She let out a roar of fury and launched herself at him. He grabbed her by the shoulders as she turned and sank her teeth into his forearm.

I saw a vision flash in Alice's mind. Bella had escaped the hospital and the worthless werewolf. Her eyes flashed at me and then back to Jasper as he screamed.

Victoria had wrenched her head back, ripping a chunk out of his arm. Alice's eyes glazed over and a blood curdling screech escaped her mouth. She came up behind Victoria and landed a fist on the side of her head, sending her into another tree.

I was shocked. In all my time with her I had never seen her lose control like this. She was full of fury at the sight Jasper being harmed. She jumped and landed on victories back, biting into her left shoulder and tearing it off. Alice leaped off and landed beside Jasper. Victoria let out another scream and a snarl as she started to back away, her eyes darting back and forth, looking for a way out.

I heard another scream that ripped through my entire body. It was not Victoria's but another more familiar voice.

"Jacob Black, get off of me!" my stomach turned as I heard my Bella in trouble. My head snapped up to the direction of her house.

"Edward, GO!" Jasper yelled but I was already on my way.

I ran through the forest, dodging trees and leaping rocks. My focus was only on getting to her in time. Please, please, please don't let anything happen to her. I couldn't bear it.

I reached her house and was hit by the fowl dog smell. I scaled the side of her house and smashed through her window.

I found them on the bed. The dog had her pinned down with one hand over her mouth and the other between them, removing his shorts.

I roared and slammed my shoulder into his side, sending him soaring across her room and into the door jam. I heard wood splintering and bones cracking. He lay motionless on the floor unconscious. I wanted to kill him but I had to make sure Bella was not hurt.

She lay there on the bed not moving. I knelt down beside her and took her face in my hands. Her lip was split wide, I smelled her blood. Her mouth was swelling up, a bruise developing under her translucent skin. It resembled a hand print.

I brushed a few strands of hair from her face and looked into her eyes. I have never been so scared in my life _or death. _The look in her eyes sent a chill down my spine. The light in them was gone, they were dead. Staring straight ahead but not seeing, they were flat, she was gone.

"Bella?" I whispered softly, stroking her cheek with my fingertips but she didn't respond.

Her usual response to my touch was accelerated breathing, heart rate spiking, but not this time. This time nothing happened. I panicked, what do I do?

I heard movement coming up the stairs.

"What the Hell is going on?" came Charlie's exasperated voice form the door.

I looked up to see him look from the crumpled heap of Jacob on the floor to me perched over Bella on the bed. His eyes widened as he pulled his gun and pointed it at me. In any other situation that would have been fairly humorous.

"GET AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!" he shouted.

"Chief Swan, this is not what it appears to be," I could see what it looked like to him in his mind.

"I SAID GET AWAY FROM HER," he kept his gun pointed at me.

"Sir, please, I came here to talk to Bella. When I arrived I heard her scream so I rushed inside and found Jacob on top of her. I knocked him out but I don't know if Bella is injured. She won't speak," I quickly explained. I looked back at Bella, her eyes still locked, staring into nothingness.

"H-how far did he..." he stammered, lowering his gun.

"I think I got here before that," I knew the rest of his question and I cringed.

What if I had been just a minute or two later? I leaned in and placed my forehead against Bella's.

"I'm so sorry, I should have been here," I whispered.

I heard a metallic clicking sound and turned to see Charlie placing handcuffs on Jacobs limp wrists. He stood and walked over to place his hand on Bella's cheek. I backed away as he rubbed her face gently.

"Bells, honey are you okay?" she didn't respond. He looked over at me, "What's wrong with her? What did he do to her?" he asked anxious and full of concern.

I just shook my head. I didn't have an answer but I knew someone who might. I flipped my phone open and called my father.

**Well Edward did come in to save her but ooh can he save her from her own mind? Stay tuned and see in the next episode of A Broken Heart**. **LOL please review and thank you to all who put me and my story on their alerts. ~pixdog~**


	11. Comatose

I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.

**EPOV**

The phone rang once and Carlisle picked up

"Edward is everything alright?" he asked, worry saturating his tone.

"No, Bella's been attacked," I hurried.

"How bad?"

"I don't know. She was assaulted by Jacob Black and he tried to rape her," my voice cracked at the end.

I heard him gasp at my last words but I went on.

"I got there in time to stop him but something is wrong with her. Her eyes are open but she wont speak, she wont move, I think that maybe she is in shock. The only physical injury that I can see is her lip is cut. I don't know what is wrong. How far away are you?" I asked as my world started to fall apart.

"About thirty minutes from Forks. Where is she?"

"We are at her house with Charlie," I murmured the last part so low that Charlie couldn't hear it.

"Very well, I'll come by car then. Just put a blanket over her and your probably right about the shock so don't worry. I'll be there soon."

I closed my phone and turned to Charlie, "My father is on his way. He thinks that it's probably just shock but he will check her out thoroughly when he arrives," I assured him.

I lifted Bella's legs, pulled the quilt out from under her and placed it snugly around her. She slowly rolled to her side and curled up into a ball. Her face still showed no emotion, her eyes never seeing. I ran my hand down the side of her arm gently. Goose bumps appeared on her skin but her breathing and heart rate stayed the same, not her usual response to my touch. Her skin must just be reacting to the frigid temperature of my hand.

"Edward, thank you for saving her," Charlie choked out.

I could sense the silent war raging inside of his mind. He was grateful that I had saved Bella but he also felt hatred towards me for what I had done to her. He couldn't hate me more than I hated myself. I was a loathsome creature, not worthy of such a gift as Bella. She was wonderful, beautiful inside and out, and I hurt her time and time again. She meant everything to me and all I have done I cause her pain. What is wrong with me? How can I possibly redeem myself?

My head snapped up as I heard the sound of metal stretching and breaking. Jacob had broken the chain on his handcuffs and was shaking violently.

"Get Bella out of here!" I screamed at Charlie.

I launched myself across the room and slammed into Jacob just as he transformed into a wolf. We crashed right through the wall and tumbled down the stairs. I landed a quick fist to his muzzle and heard a crunch.

He yelped, turned and clamped his teeth down on my hand. His mouth found no substance due to the fact that my punch had broken his upper jaw. When he put force on my hand, his mouth, just behind his nose, bent upward causing him to whimper and release me. I grabbed his tail and swung him around, slamming him into the wall.

As he scrambled to his feet I heard two gunshots. One bullet hit the wall just over his back but the other one caught him in the left hind quarter. He yelped in pain, turned and broke through the door. He ran to the woods and out of sight.

I turned and saw Charlie standing at the top of the stairs with his gun in his hands. His face was chalk white and his thoughts were chaos. I had had no choice but to use my full strength and speed in front of him. He was in shock over what he had just witnessed. I started moving slowly towards him and he lowered his gun, pointing it at me.

"What are you?" his voice shook with fear.

I put my hands up, "Charlie, its okay. I won't hurt you."

"Stop right there. Don't come any closer," he stuttered, taking a step back.

I heard a car pull up.

"It's okay Charlie, my father is here. After he checks on Bella we will explain as much as we can but first we have to make sure that Bella is going to be alright."

"Edward?" my father asked from behind me. He looked from Charlie and back to me questioningly.

"Jacob came to and transformed into a wolf in front of him. I had no choice but to protect him and Bella," I explained knowing that he would understand what I meant by that last sentence.

"I see," he nodded.

"She's upstairs," I gestured to her room.

Carlisle started up the stairs but Charlie stopped him.

"Stay right there. Don't come any closer," he said, his voice still shaking as he trained his gun on Carlisle.

"Charlie, that won't do you any good, when I am done tending to Bella I will return and speak with you but right now her health is more important," Carlisle spoke softly as he continued forward and stepped around Charlie. I followed, leaving Charlie frozen in disbelief.

Carlisle walked to the side of Bella's bed and started examining her. He checked her pulse, her temperature and started feeling around her head. Even though I could read his mind I still waited anxiously.

"If you two don't mind, I need to check for other injuries under her clothing,"

I turned to see that Charlie had dislodged himself from his spot at the top of the stairs and was standing in the doorway. I grabbed the door handle and pulled it closed as much as it would go with the door jam broken. Charlie backed up against the wall away from me. I leaned against the small piece of drywall that was left between the door and the hole that Jacob and I made when we smashed through it. I closed my eyes and concentrated on Carlisle's mind.

"Bella I'm going to need to look at your body to make sure that there are no hidden injuries," he told her softly. He didn't want to scare her any more than she already was. I just hoped that she could hear and understand him.

He pulled down the blanket that was covering her and started looking at her arms. He looked both of them over and moved up to her neck. He pulled her hair out of the way and I saw five distinct circles, four on one side and one on the other, the whole area was turning blue. I cursed myself for not protecting her.

He pulled up her shirt checking her abdomen; luckily there was no discoloration there. He ran his fingers over each rib and her collar bone, no breaks. His eyes moved downward and saw an inch wide line on top of her left breast. Gently he unclasped her bra and lifted it. If I could have thrown up I would. Her whole breast was black, the shape of a large hand. The force that it would have taken to make such a mark was unfathomable to me. How could anyone feel the need to exude so much power on someone so delicate?

I was seething, my vision clouding over with blood lust. A growl escaped my mouth and I heard Charlie's heart rate jump.

_Calm down _Carlisle thought in his mind.

I took a deep breath but it didn't help so I focused on Carlisle thoughts again. He felt around the injured area and replaced her bra and shirt. I felt a ping of jealousy for a split second but I knew that he was being completely professional so I buried it. He moved down to her pants and carefully slid them down. Thankfully her legs seemed uninjured. He replaced her pants, pulled the blanket back over her and came out to talk to Charlie.

"Well, she has deep bruising on her neck and left breast," Charlie cringed as did I, "She has a bump on the head and her lip is cut but I didn't find any broken bones and I don't believe that there is any internal damage," he assured Charlie which relaxed him just a little.

"So she's going to be okay? I mean he didn't get _that_ far did he?" Charlie hesitated, not being able to say the word.

"No he didn't rape her. She will make a full physical recovery."

"What do you mean 'physical'?" I interjected.

"Well physically she will heal but mentally her mind has closed in on itself. It's a natural defense mechanism when confronted by so much stress," Carlisle explained glumly.

"What does that mean? How long before she gets better?" Charlie asked.

"I don't know. It could be a few days or months but you need to know that sometimes people in her condition never recover," he gave me a remorseful look.

I sank to the floor placing my face in my hands. I broke down into tearless sobs. She just had to get better; I could not go on without her. Carlisle placed a soothing hand on my shoulder.

"Go to her Edward, she needs you. I am going to talk to Charlie and try to explain a few things," he spoke softly to me.

I got to my feet and inhaled deeply, steadying myself. Charlie and Carlisle went downstairs and I went to Bella's side.

She was curled in on herself again with her arms wrapped tightly around her chest. I knelt down on the floor so that my face was on the same level as hers. I looked into her eyes and ran my fingertips along her cheek.

"Bella my love, come back to me. Please, please come back," I pleaded.

She didn't respond, didn't even blink when my hand grazed beside her eye. I sighed and kissed her forehead. I held my lips there for a moment trying to contain my grief before I moved to lay down behind her. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my chest. I could hear her heartbeat, feel it through her skin and it comforted me a little. Even now, just having her in my arms made me feel whole again. I wished I knew how to help her. I want to take her pain away and make her forget everything that has happened in the past few months. I placed my face in her hair and inhaled her wonderful scent.

"I love you," I whispered to her over and over. I will never leave her side again; I am where I was meant to be.

"_Edward" _Carlisle thought.

"Yes," I said softly, knowing that he would hear me.

_I have convinced Charlie to allow us to take Bella to our home so I can monitor her and we can keep her safe while he hunts for Jacob Black. He agreed that it was the best option. I'll send Alice back for her clothes. Speaking of which, have you heard from Alice or Jasper? _

"No, not since I left them in the forest fighting Victoria," I hope they were not hurt because of my absence but I had had no choice but to leave them. They would understand and I know that I didn't need to worry about Alice too much because Jasper would never let any harm come to her.

_I will call Emmet and Rose and tell them to go find them._

I wrapped Bella in her quilt and cradled her in my arms. Charlie and Carlisle met me at the bottom of the stairs.

"I love you Bells," Charlie kissed the top of her head.

He walked us to Carlisle's car and held the door while I slid in with Bella still in my arms.

**Well another weekend has arrived so back to work for me. I will try to finish another chapter as soon as possible. I would like to know what you want to see happen. Should Charlie catch Jacob? Should Edward catch him? Should he show up at the Cullens and kidnap her? Oh what shall happen? We shall see.** **I am feeling a little demented at the moment so who knows9not me). Thanks for all the reviews.~pixdog~**


	12. Needs

**I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters. **

**Sorry this one took so long but I just couldn't stop writing it. It is longer than the rest of my chapters but I think that you will enjoy it just the same. Enjoy.**

**EPOV**

Esme was waiting on the porch when we arrived at our house. Her face was full of worry as she watched me take Bella from the car. She flitted to our side and stroked Bella's hair softly.

"Oh Bella," she sighed.

"Esme, I'm going to put Bella up in my room but first I have a favor to ask."

"Anything," she whispered, never taking her eyes off Bella's face.

"Could you help Bella with a bath? Maybe she will feel better if we get that dog's stench off of her," I asked.

Bella flinched slightly at the mention of the mongrel and I pulled her tighter to my chest.

"Of course," she agreed and flew into the house to start the water for Bella's bath.

I walked through the door slowly. I didn't want to any sudden movements to frighten Bella any more than she already was. She still had not moved or spoken, besides the flinch at the mention of the dog, and I only hoped that she felt safe now.

"Everything's going to be alright now love. I'm here and your safe now," I whispered to her, putting as much love and assurance in my voice as I could.

I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. I let out a sigh as once again she didn't respond to my kiss. How was I going to help her? What could I possibly do to make her better?

I walked at human pace upstairs to where Esme had the bath running for Bella. I stepped into the bathroom and Esme unwrapped Bella from the quilt that she was in and took her from my arms. Esme's motherly instincts took over and she hugged Bella closer to her stone chest, whispering soothing words in her ear.

"I am going to go and order a bed for her; hopefully we can get one delivered immediately. Did Alice call?" I still didn't know what had happened after I left them to fight Victoria.

"Yes, she called just before you arrived. She said not to worry; Victoria will not be bothering any one ever again. She also said that a bed is on the way and she is going shopping for some clothes for Bella," Esme smiled wryly.

I rolled my eyes; of course Alice wouldn't pass up an opportunity to go shopping for new clothes.

"Okay, I'll go and get my room ready while you tend to Bella," I turned and started for the door.

"Edward, did you hear that?" Esme whispered from behind me.

I stopped and turned again. Of course I had heard it. Bella's heart rate rose slightly, her breathing accelerated minutely.

"She knows you're here, she senses your presence," Esme gasped.

My heart felt like it would explode. I went to Bella's side and stroked her cheek.

"Bella? Bella I'm here love. Don't worry I'm not going far," I kissed her forehead.

Her heart rate returned to normal, as did her breathing but she never moved. I sighed and turned to leave again. Bella's heart reacted again and her breathing picked up.

"Edward, I think you should stay. She needs you to be near her. She feels you with her and apparently it stresses her when you start to leave. She needs to stay calm and I think that you being here helps keep her calm," Esme explained. I nodded and came closer to Bella and Esme.

"Okay Bella, I'm not going anywhere. I'll stay with you forever, don't worry," I soothed as I stroked her arm. She returned to her previous state and Esme nodded her approval.

I turned my back to them so Esme could undress her. I heard Esme lower her into the water and I blocked Esme's mind from mine as not to intrude on Bella's privacy any more than I already had. I heard water splashing as Esme washed Bella's body. She moved around the tub to wash Bella's hair and I heard a small knock on the door, I went to open it.

Alice stood there with a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt, Bella's favorite outfit to sleep in.

"How is she?" Alice asked, peering around me. I just shook my head and sighed.

Sadness consumed Alice's face.

"Is Jasper okay?" I asked.

"Well, Victoria tore a piece out of his arm as you know but we found it and Carlisle put it back and wrapped it up. He should be fine in a little while," she explained still angry that Jasper was injured. I nodded and turned to look at Esme, who had called my name.

"I think she fell asleep while I was washing her hair," she gave me a tiny smile.

"Good, she needs to rest. Alice?" I said turning to face her, "Can you help Esme with Bella? I need to get my room ready for her."

Alice nodded, "The bed is already in there."

I stepped around Alice and started for my room. Bella reacted to my leaving and strangely my heart soared. She could feel my presence even in her sleep. She does love me and it pained me to leave her even for a second but I knew that she was in good hands.

I continued to my room and smiled to myself as I entered. Alice had moved all of my furniture and a large bed took up most of the space now. I went and sat down in the chair that she had placed beside the bed. A minute later Alice brought Bella in and laid her gently on the bed.

I could hear her heart and breathing relax as soon as she was carried into the room with me. Alice pushed Bella's hair off of her face and kissed her on the cheek before leaving the room. I sat starring at my sleeping beauty for hours. She slept soundly for most of the night but at one point she started shivering so I got up and put another blanket on her, tucking it in snugly around her slight frame.

After a few minutes the shivering stopped and she curled into a ball on her side. I pulled one of her hands away from her body and intertwined it with mine. She grasped it tightly. Her breathing started to come out in gasps, her heart pounding in her chest. I thought that she was finally responding to my touch until she whimpered in her sleep. She winced and whimpered louder. She was dreaming, having a nightmare.

"Bella, Bella it's okay," I whispered, stroking her cheek with my fingertips.

Her next whimper was almost a scream. I couldn't let her continue to have this dream, it was causing her pain. It was excruciating for me to watch her suffer even in her sleep.

"Bella," I said louder, slightly shaking her shoulder.

She opened her eyes and moved them fractionally, looking straight into my eyes before closing them again. _She looked at me, she actually looked at me!_ The lights were dim but there was enough that I knew she saw me. My breathing hitched as I started to cry. She was improving. I knew that it wasn't much but I would take it. I placed a kiss on the palm of her hand and laid it back on the bed.

I walked to the door and whispered, "Carlisle."

He was in front of me in seconds.

I smiled at him, "She woke up for a second and looked right at me."

"Well that's a good sign but don't get your hopes up too high. This could be a long recovery," my smile faltered.

I knew that but why did he have to squash my high? I turned and repositioned myself behind Bella on the bed. I wrapped her in my arms and started humming her lullaby. She slept soundly for the rest of the night.

* * *

Alice came into the room at dawn and took my previous spot in the chair.

_I'm worried Edward, I still can't see her future. It's still just black, nothingness. I don't know if she will survive this, _she thought.

I winced, maybe a little too hard. Bella woke up and sighed. In Alice's mind I saw Bella look up at her.

"Hi Bella," Alice said with a smile.

Bella shifted her hand slightly, opening it to Alice. She placed her hand in Bella's. Bella pulled Alice to her, moving out of my arms. Alice raised her up and sat down on the bed beside her, wrapping her arms around Bella's shoulders.

"Oh Bella, what are we going to do with you?" Alice sighed, rocking Bella gently.

A rumbling sound came from Bella's stomach and Alice giggled.

"Are you hungry? Do you want some breakfast?" Bella nodded her head a fraction of an inch.

My heart just about started beating. She was responding to Alice's questions, responding to Alice. I stayed still as not to interrupt this moment. Alice had gotten her to answer a direct question.

"I think you need some human time before we get some food for you," Alice spoke and Bella nodded again.

I could literally leap for joy. Alice got her to answer again. Maybe this wouldn't take as long as we thought. I could barely contain my emotions. My heart was going to burst. My whole being was tingling with excitement. My Bella is coming back to me. But would she still want me? After everything, would she still want me in her life? Yes she still loved me but what about her pain, pain that was directly my fault? I had to bury these thoughts for now because my first priority is Bella.

Alice stood up helping Bella to her feet. Bella wrapped her arms tightly around Alice's waist and leaned her head into her shoulder. Alice started moving to leave the room and Bella's breathing became irregular.

"I'm coming Bella, don't worry," I assured her as I got up off of the bed to follow.

I walked to her side and started to reach for her cheek but she cringed away from me, burying her face in Alice's chest. Alice gave me a remorseful look and shook her head.

I dropped my hand and sighed. Was Bella actually afraid of me? Did she fear my touch? I would never harm her, she had to know that. I had to control my aching heart; I had to be strong for Bella.

"Come on Bella," Alice pulled her to the bathroom with me following close behind.

I stayed outside the door as Alice took Bella inside to take care of her human needs. I heard Bella use the toilet and then move to the sink and brush her teeth. It was quiet for a moment before I heard the sound of fabric rustling. Bella gasped and her breathing became heavy, her heart racing.

"Edward!" Alice almost shouted.

I rushed into the bathroom and saw Bella standing at the sink, her knuckles white, grasping the counter top. She was paler than pale as she looked in the mirror. Her shirt was lying on the floor next to her feet and Alice stood beside her with her mouth gaping open in shock.

Bella collapsed and I caught her before she hit the floor. I sat her gently on the tile and cradled her in my arms, "Shh, Bella it's okay."

I looked at Alice questioningly.

_I don't know what happened. She was fine until she took her shirt off and looked into the mirror._ Alice thought.

I looked down at Bella and her heaving chest was completely black on the left side. I looked back at Alice and nodded my head towards Bella's breast.

_Oh _Alice realized what had caused Bella's reaction.

"Bella, calm down, no one is going to hurt you. You are safe now," I told her, rocking her back and forth gently.

Alice leaned down beside us and took Bella's hand. Bella pulled herself from my arms and into Alice's. The pain in my chest was unbearable. I wanted to be the one to comfort my Bella, to make her feel safe, but she wanted Alice. I buried my face in my hands and my breathing hitched.

_Oh Edward, I'm so sorry. After what happened to her I think that she just feels more comfortable with a girl. I don't think that it's you; it's probably just because you are a male. She just doesn't trust men right now, not after what that bastard tried to do to her. Don't worry, she'll get past this, she'll be okay._

I just shook my head at her thoughts. She didn't know that, she couldn't. Bella's future was not visible to her.

Alice helped Bella get dressed for the day while I remained on the floor, suffering in my own personal hell. Bella had calmed down from her mild panic attack and had her arms wrapped tightly around Alice's waist again. Alice towed her to the door but Bella stopped, not willing to go any farther.

I looked up to see what had stopped her and she peeked over Alice's shoulder and looked deep into my eyes, silently asking me to get up and follow them. Even though she didn't feel comfortable with me touching her, she still needed me to be close to her. This made me feel better and I got up and followed them to the kitchen.

Esme was standing in front o the stove cooking eggs when we entered. She looked up at us with a timid smile. Alice sat Bella on a stool at the island in the middle of the kitchen. I walked to the other side, in front of Bella, so I could see her face. The hand print on her busted mouth was barely visible but still it made me cringe internally.

Alice took the stool beside her. Bella never letting her touch leave Alice. She let go of Alice's waist just long enough to take her hand. Esme put the eggs on a plate with a piece of toast.

"There you are Bella, dear," Esme smiled, placing the plate in front of Bella.

Bella looked over at Alice and Alice nodded her head reassuringly. Bella picked up the toast and started eating it slowly. I took a glass out of the cabinet and filled it with orange juice from the refrigerator. It was odd to actually use the food that we brought into the house for show. I placed the glass in front of Bella and she looked at me again before turning her gaze to the juice. She picked up the glass and started drinking it.

Just then Emmet burst through the kitchen door in his usual manner. Bella dropped the glass and it bounced off the counter before shattering on the floor. Bella shot off of her stool and ran around the island to me. She cowered behind me, burying her face in my back, gripping my shirt tightly in her hands. I could feel her shaking violently against me. I reached my arm behind me and placed my hand on her lower back. Alice, Esme and I just glared at Emmet.

"Oops, sorry," he muttered sheepishly and backed out of the room.

I felt Bella stiffen behind me. She let go of my shirt, turned and threw up what little bit of food she had eaten into the sink. Alice flitted to her side and held her hair away from her face. When Bella was done she wrapped herself around Alice again.

"Esme, could you take Bella? I think that I need to have a word with my dear brother," Alice growled.

Esme took Bella and Alice was out of the kitchen in an instant.

"Okay honey, lets go get you cleaned up," Esme softly stroked Bella's face. Bella wrapped herself around Esme the same as she had Alice. Esme took her to the bathroom and she brushed her teeth again. I hung back by the door, watching her and I heard Alice's shrill voice come from downstairs.

"Emmet you idiot! You scared the hell out of her! What were you thinking!? From now on, the only guy allowed in the same room with Bella is Edward. You got that? The rest of you stay away or I will kick your ass myself!" she shouted at him.

I laughed under my breath. I had never heard Alice curse like that, she really must be angry to let loose like that. I felt a surge of gratitude towards my little sister. I heard her stomp out of the room and come upstairs. Bella saw Alice and left Esme. She put her arms around Alice and pulled her to my room. They both sat down on the edge of the bed, I took my place in the chair.

"Bella, you need to eat something. You need to keep your strength up," Alice rubbed her hand up and down Bella's arm.

Bella shook her head but Alice wasn't going to take no for an answer. Oh how I loved that little pixie.

"I'll go get you some soup. Be back in a minute," she said, pulling out of Bella's grip.

Bella scooted up to the headboard, pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, and placing her cheek on her knees. She looked right at me, boring into my heart. The hurt and sadness in her eyes was too much for me to bear.

I placed my arms on the bed, my face pressed against the sheet. My breathing hitched as my heart broke again. I couldn't contain my emotions any longer. Everything I had been holding in washed over me and I sobbed out loud. The pain I felt was overwhelming. It tore through me like a raging river, ripping me apart.

How could I have let this happen to the love of my life, the reason that I exist? No one knew how much she meant to me, how much I loved this human, this goddess. I should have been here, should have protected her. I was crying so hard that the whole bed was shaking.

Suddenly I felt a warm trembling hand on mine. I looked up and Bella was on her knees in front of me, tears running down her face. I turned my palm up to hold her hand and she pulled me up on the bed. She pulled my head into her chest and laid her cheek against the top of my head. Her heart was beating fast, she was still scared.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled myself closer. She placed her hand on my arm, still shaking. _She_ was trying to comfort _me. _I felt her body start to shake as she cried into my hair. She needed this, _I _needed this. We both needed to release our pain.

Her crying turned into hysterical wails and I sat up pulling her into my cold chest. This was the first time that she had cried since Jacob had attacked her. She needed to let it go, to get it out.

I kissed the top of her head and whispered, "I love you Bella. I don't know what I was thinking when I left. I am so sorry. I should have been here. I should have protected you. You don't know how sorry I am that I didn't."

If possible, she sobbed even harder. I kissed the top of her head, her forehead, her cheeks many times, telling her that I loved her.

Alice appeared in my doorway and I shook my head. She understood and left, closing the door behind her.

Bella's crying slowed after a while and I pulled up her chin to look into her eyes. They were red and swollen from all the crying. I looked deep into her chocolate brown eyes, searching. The light in her eyes had still not returned but I thought that I saw a spark in them as they looked into mine.

"I love you," I told her as I kissed the last tears from her cheeks.

Her brow furrowed as she reached her trembling hand up to my face and ran her thumb across the dark circles under my eyes. I knew what she was asking even without her saying it out loud.

"Don't worry love, I'm fine. I'm not going to leave you," I gave her my crooked smile that I knew she loved.

Her forehead wrinkled more and she moved her hand down and caressed my throat.

"Don't worry about me. You just concentrate on getting yourself better," I told her as I ran my fingers down her cheek.

She frowned, running her hand down my throat again.

"Fine, I'll go hunting soon, I promise," I didn't want her to worry but I didn't want to leave her either.

The though t of being separated form her, even for a little while, was tearing me up inside. Inevitably I would have to hunt. The deplorable creature that I was demanded it and apparently so did Bella. I would keep my promise, I would not cause her anymore stress. Bella needed to get better and I was going to make sure that she got anything she needed to do that.

"Okay, now that that is settled, are you ready to go downstairs and get some food in you?" I asked softly.

I helped her off of the bed but instead of wrapping her arms around me as she had Alice and Esme; she took my hand and stepped behind me, gripping my shirt with the other.

"No one is going to hurt you love," I said, squeezing her hand.

She didn't move from behind me so I just let her go at her own pace and led her back downstairs to the kitchen.

* * *

**Well what do you think? Was it worth the wait? I will get right on the next chapter as soon as I can. I promised the readers of Payback that if I got 15 reviews i would write another chapter for them and guess what I got nuber 15 today, yay. So 'im going to do that first sorry but a promise is a promise.** **Please Review.~Pixdog~**

* * *


	13. Heaven or Hell

I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.

**Okay so this is the longest chapter that I have ever written. Just going to explain a few things here so no one gets confused and sends me flames ;). Bella sees her life like a movie and everything in Italics is her memories, sometimes it jumps from what she is feeling right now and what she is feeling in her memory. Hope this clears it up for you. Oh and by the way this chapter is from BPOV starting from when she blacked out when Jacob attacks her up until the same time as the last chapter. Now we are all caught up. Hope you enjoy it.**

**BPOV**

I was floating in a sea of darkness. My life was over. First Edward took my heart, my soul, my life away. Jacob finished off the rest, taking my body. I didn't care anymore. It didn't matter, nothing mattered.

Was this the afterlife? I turned my head and saw nothing but emptiness. I felt nothing physically but my insides were tingling, numb. Where was I? Was this my Hell? I don't remember doing anything bad enough to go to Hell but what else could this be?

I still felt the dull ache in my chest so this couldn't be Heaven. There wasn't supposed to be pain after death in Heaven right? So I must be in Hell.

My musings were interrupted by a flash of light I caught from the corner of my eye. I turned to look at it. It was so far away. I started moving my arms and legs in a swimming motion. This light was the only thing in this dark place and I felt a sudden pull towards it like it was my only way out. I swam as hard as I could. Slowly the light grew bigger, brighter. Finally after what seemed like hours I reached the source of the light.

It looked like a large TV screen and it was playing a familiar scene.

_I was standing in the woods looking at Edward. He was telling me that he didn't want me anymore and he was leaving._

Tears started running down my face. The TV flickered.

_I was in Jacobs's garage asking him if he knew anything about motorcycles. His bright smile, his happy face made me smile. He was warming my frozen dead heart. He was my Jacob, my sun. He made me feel less like a zombie and more like a partial human again. _

I realized that I was watching clips of my life through my own eyes except like it was a movie. This has got to be one of the strangest things I have ever experienced.

Flicker_. I was standing in a meadow, our meadow. Laurent was stalking towards me, ready to kill and drain the blood from my body. Yes I was scared but secretly I wished that he would end my lonely, pathetic excuse of a life. I didn't want to live anymore without Edward but then Jacob and his pack showed up and chased Laurent away_.

Flicker. _I was standing by my truck and Jacob was telling me that he couldn't be my friend anymore. He was my best friend, my only lifeline tethering me to this world. The hole in my chest ripped further._

Flicker. _I was at the beach telling Jacob that I had figured out what he was and we were talking about Victoria and Laurent. He took me to meet his pack and Paul lost control and transformed in front of me. I was scared to death that Jacob would get hurt._

My life was quite literally flashing before my eyes but not my whole life, mostly just the parts that were traumatic. Just the memories that caused me the most fear, pain and suffering were playing.

Flicker. _I was pinned against the wall with Jacob's hand roaming all over my body. _

I cringed and wrapped my arms around myself. How could my best friend turn on me so fast? How could he betray me? Tears started streaming down my face again as I watched this nightmare replay itself before my eyes.

_Jacob had me on the bed and was ripping my pants from my body._

I didn't want to see this but I couldn't force myself to look away.

_He was about to take the one part of me that was still intact, my virginity. My stomach rolled and my head began to swim. There was only one person in this world that I had ever wanted to give myself to this way but it was definitely not Jacob Black. But that would be impossible now because Jacob was about to take it forcibly. I watched as he moved his hand down to undo his pants._

That was the last thing that I remembered.

_A flash of color flew into Jacob with a loud roar. This sound terrified me and comforted me at the same time_.

Wait, I don't remember this. What was happening?

_I heard a loud crash somewhere beside me but I couldn't tell what it was. My eyes are open and I was still seeing and hearing even though I didn't recall any of it. Suddenly hands were gently touching my face. The most beautiful angel was staring into my eyes. _

The pain and hurt behind the angel's eyes broke my heart even more.

"_Bella," the soft musical voice spoke my name. _

The way his mouth wrapped so lovingly around my name made my heart swell with emotions.

_I didn't move, I didn't speak, I couldn't. I heard my father yell beside me but I couldn't see him. I don't know what he said. I was too engrossed in the face that was inches from mine. He could not hide the pain and suffering on his angelic face._

But why was he in pain? What would cause him to look this way? Certainty not me, he didn't care about me. He told me so himself. He told me that he would always love me "_in a way" _but he didn't want me.

_The hole in my chest ached but it was no longer a hole. I was still in pain but just his physical presence plugged the hole up. The feeling of loss was gone but the pain of rejection remained. He was here, he saved me from Jacob, and this was enough to satisfy me for now._

_The godlike face turned away from me and spoke. _

I couldn't bring myself to listen. I was taking in every inch of his flawless face, burning it to my memory, well the one that I knew that I remembered. I am so confused.

_Edward turned back to look at me and placed his forehead to mine._

"_I'm sorry," he whispered._

Sorry for what? Sorry for Jacob attacking me? Sorry for leaving me? Sorry for not loving me like I loved him? Sorry for what?

_He backed away from me as another hand touched my cheek. My father came into view and his expression sent chills up my spine._

_Concern, anger, pain, hurt. I had never seen my father emotional and I knew that it was because of me. He was concerned about me._

"_Bella are you okay?" he asked._

_I wanted to tell him not to worry but I just lay there not moving. _

_He turned his head to Edward, "What's wrong with her?" Edward shook his head._

I shouted at the TV, "Dad, Edward I'm here! I'm fine!" but they couldn't hear me. I wanted to take away their pain but it seemed impossible.

Flicker. _I was looking at my wall beside my bed. I saw Edwards face come down to be level with mine._

"_Bella, my love, come back to me. Please, please come back," he pleaded._

"I'm here, Edward, I'm here!" I shouted at the screen. He didn't hear me.

_I didn't understand why my body didn't move. This is what I had wanted; he is what I had wanted._

_He sighed and kissed my forehead. He pulled me into his arms._

_No, I want to see him, to look into his eyes._

"_I love you," he whispered in my ear._

What? Did I just hear that right?

_He whispered it over and over in my ear._

"Edward, I love you too!" I screamed.

Flicker. _I was cradled in Esme's arms and I could barely see Edward out of the corner of my vision. He was turning to leave._

_No, no, you can't leave me, not again. I couldn't lose him again. _

_He turned and rushed to my side like he heard my pleas. _

_Relief washed over me._

_He caressed my cheek, "Bella? Bella, I'm here love. Don't worry, I'm not going far," he kissed my forehead. He turned to leave again._

I screamed again, "Edward, don't go. I need you, I love you!"

_Esme said something to him but I drowned it out. If he left me again he would never come back. Why was my body not moving? Not trying to stop him?_

"Please don't leave me!" I wailed at the TV. It was like he heard my pleas.

_He walked back to me, "Okay Bella, I'm not going anywhere. I'll stay with you forever, don't worry."_

I breathed a sigh of relief. I smiled despite myself. He said that he would stay with me forever.

The TV flickered and went black.

**End of Flashbacks**

NO, NO, NO... What happened?

"Edward, where are you? I need you," I panicked.

I was floating in darkness once again, I was alone. I started crying hysterically. Edward was back and he said that he loved me but now he's gone again. I can't find him, can't reach him. Was I destined to be stuck in this void, alone, for all of eternity? I cringed at the thought.

"No, this cant be!" I shouted.

I saw another light flicker from the corner of my eye. I turned my head and it grew brighter. It came closer and closer, suddenly I felt like I was being sucked into it, drawn in.

I blinked my eyes and I felt someone shake me.

What? I felt something?

A cold stone hand gently shook me again.

"Bella," the golden voice spoke.

I opened my eyes, they stung and burned. Wait, was I actually feeling physical discomfort?

I saw a figure in front of me. The light was dim but I forced my eyes to move. They obeyed and I looked up into the dark eyes of the love of my life, my heart, my soul.

My eyes closed again. I fought with all my strength to force them open again but they refused. I was about to start panicking again when I felt a set of stone arms wrap gently around me. My body relaxed, I felt content.

I drifted off to sleep as I heard the sound of my lullaby hummed softly behind me. I slept soundly, dreamlessly in the arms of my one and only love.

I felt Edward stiffen behind me. I didn't want to wake up, what if I was just hallucinating? I mean with everything I saw, watching the TV of my life, I must be crazy, right?

I sighed and forced my eyes open, reveling in the simple fact that I could at least move.

I looked up and saw Alice's tiny little face smiling down at me.

"Hi Bella," she chimed.

I tried to respond but my mouth wouldn't form the words, my throat wouldn't make the sounds. My body refused to cooperate. It was like I forgot how to speak. Well if my mouth wasn't going to do what it was told, I was going to have to find another way to tell Alice what I wanted.

I concentrated my entire mind and forced my hand to reach out to her. This move was actually easier than I thought. Alice caught my motion and placed her hand in mine. I pulled her instinctively to me, out of Edward's arms.

No, I didn't _want_ to do that. I never wanted to leave Edwards embrace. My body was still doing what it wanted without my approval.

Alice lifted me into a sitting position and sat on the bed beside me, wrapping her arms around me a rocking me slowly.

Alice's rocking made me realize, _wow I really have to pee_. But how was I going to tell her this? My mouth still wouldn't let me speak. Thankfully my stomach growled at that exact moment.

"Are you hungry? Do you want breakfast?" Alice giggled.

Well yeah but I really _need_ to pee. I wanted to tell her but all I could do was force my head to nod slightly.

"I think that you need some human time before we get some food for you," thank god she remembered my human necessities. I was seriously about to wet myself.

Alice helped me to my feet and I instantly wrapped my arms around her tiny marble figure. I had to stay in contact with her or I was sure she would disappear. She started to lead me to the door and my heart started to race. I was not going anywhere without Edward.

"I'm coming Bella, don't worry," he spoke from behind me like he could read my mind.

He walked up beside me and Alice and reached his hand up to touch my face. My body cringed away from him and forced my face into Alice's chest.

_What the hell?_

I craved nothing more than Edwards touch but my body was betraying me. I heard him sigh.

I wanted to cry, I had hurt him and that was the last thing that I ever wanted to do but my body kept acting on its own without my permission.

"Come on Bella," Alice pulled me to the bathroom.

Edward waited outside the door which worried me but I really didn't want him in here when I was peeing. To comfort myself I made sure that Alice always had one of her tiny hands in contact with me.

I placed her hand on my shoulder while I pulled down the sweat pants that I didn't remember putting on. It was such a relief to finally be able to relieve some of the pressure on my bladder.

I moved to the sink to brush my teeth, Alice's hand on the small of my back. I looked into the large mirror and saw my face. My eyes were dark; I didn't see much life left in them.

My eyes moved down and I saw my busted lip, I expected this. What I didn't expect was the light shadow reaching from one side of my mouth to the other. It resembled a large hand. I growled internally at the memory that reminded me what had caused that.

I brushed my teeth and Alice pointed to a set of clothes that were lying on the counter top. I nodded and reached for the hem of my shirt. I pulled it up an over my head, feeling a throbbing pain on the left side of my chest as I did. I dropped the shirt on the floor beside me and looked in the mirror again.

I had to grab the counter for support. The entire left side of my body, around my bra, was a dark purple. My mind didn't want to comprehend what my eyes were seeing. My stomach churned as I flashed back in my mind and remembered Jacob squeezing my breast so hard that I thought it was going to explode.

I heard Alice call out to Edward and I couldn't feel my legs. My breathing was ragged, my heart racing. My head started to swim and I collapsed. Edward caught me before I hit the floor and sat me gently down.

He pulled me into his cold chest, "Shh... Bella, its okay."

He tried to comfort me. Yes I was slightly embarrassed that he was holding my nearly naked torso to his chest but fear ripped through me. He had saved me from Jacob but would he still want me after knowing that Jacob's hands were all over me?

Oh...My...God... A memory flashed into my mind.

_Jacob whispered in my ear,__"You don't know how long I've wanted to do this. The other day, on the couch, I didn't lose control, I knew exactly what I was doing. I heard him coming, running through the woods. I knew that he could hear us, I wanted him to. I wanted him to smell me, to know that I had more of you than he did. I knew he was listening to our conversation afterwards because I heard the female telling him that he couldn't come in and kill me. Ha, like he could. I wish he would have though. I'd love to do nothing more than to kill him, well except for maybe to do you,"_

Edward knew about that! Oh no, what would he think of me? I wanted to cry but no tears would come. My heart pounded painfully in my chest.

"Bell, calm down, no one is going to hurt you. You are safe here," he rocked me back and forth.

Yeah, no one was going to hurt me but I knew that I had hurt him.

Alice kneeled down in front of me and grasped my hand. I pulled myself into her arms. I yearned for Edwards touch but I didn't know how he felt about my near infidelity. I know that it is silly to think that because technically we weren't together anymore so I couldn't cheat on him. But I _had _cheated, not on him but on my own heart. How could I have ever attempted to fill the hole that he left with someone else?

Edward placed his head in his hands and I heard his breathing hitch. I wanted to fall back into his arms and comfort him but my body rejected that idea.

Edward remained on the floor while Alice helped me get dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. My heart and breathing had calmed and I wrapped myself tightly around Alice again.

Alice pulled me to the door but I willed myself to stop. I couldn't leave Edward sitting there on the bathroom floor. I couldn't stand to be separated from him.

Out of my own selfish needs I forced myself to peek over Alice's shoulder and look deep into his eyes, telling him to come with me. He made me feel safe, he made me fell whole, he made me _feel. _

He got up and followed us to the kitchen where Esme was making eggs for me. She smiled at us as Alice helped me onto a stool at the island. I let go of her waist and took her hand. Her cold gentle touch comforted me.

Edward moved around the island in front of me and stared at my face. I thought I saw him flinch. Was he repulsed by me? I wanted him so bad that it physically hurt me not to touch him.

Ugh, why was my body fighting against my brain, my heart?

"Here you are Bella, dear," Esme smiled as she put the plate of eggs and toast down in front of me.

How odd, when had they gotten food for me, had they ever actually cooked in this kitchen?

I looked at Alice and she simply nodded her head. I didn't understand what that was about but I let it go and picked up the piece of toast and started eating it slowly. My mouth was so dry that it was like eating carpet.

Edward turned and filled a glass with orange juice before placing it in front of me. How did he know, could he suddenly read my mind?

_Stupid _Bella, he just knows what humans usually have for breakfast. I picked up the glass and took a deep drink.

Someone burst through the kitchen door and I dropped the glass. I didn't look to see who it was but jumped off the stool and ran around the island behind Edward. I just knew that it was Jacob coming to finish what he had started.

I grabbed two handfuls of Edward's shirt and buried my face in his back. I felt his arm reach behind him and place his hand on my back. I felt my whole body shaking and suddenly my stomach tightened. I knew what was coming next.

I let go of Edward, turned and threw up my toast and juice into the sink. Alice rushed to my side and held my hair out of my face. When I was done, I wrapped my arms around Alice again. I was still scared even though it obviously wasn't Jacob coming after me.

"Esme, could you take Bella? I think that I need to have a talk with my dear brother," Alice growled.

She must be talking about Emmet. So it was _him_ that came busting through the door, I should have known.

"Okay honey, lets go get you cleaned up," Esme soothed as I wrapped my arms tightly around her.

She reminded me so much of a mother and I longed for mine. Edward hung back by the bathroom door as I brushed my teeth for the second time. I heard Alice's voice traveling up the stairwell but I couldn't make out what she was saying. I could have sworn that I heard Edward laugh under his breath.

I saw Alice appear next to Edward and I left Esme's side. I wrapped myself around Alice and pulled her towards Edward's room. My stomach didn't feel right yet and I wanted to lie down for a while.

Alice and I sat down on the edge of the bed and Edward dropped into the chair beside us.

"Bella you need to eat something. You need to keep your strength up," Alice said as she rubbed her cold hand up and down my arm.

I shook my head. If I ate right now, I would just throw up again.

Alice never did like being told no.

"I'll go get you some soup. Be back in a minute," she chirped pulling out of my arms.

I pushed myself up to the top of the bed and wrapped my arms around my legs. I didn't like not being able to touch one of them. I felt like they would all vanish again if I didn't have a hold on them.

I placed my cheek on my knees and looked at Edward. If I couldn't touch him at least I could drink in his beauty with my eyes.

The look of sadness on his face broke my heart. He looked into my eyes and I felt like he was staring straight through my soul. He leaned forward and put his arms on the bed, his face in the sheet. His breathing came out in gasps and his back was jumping with audible sobs.

Why was he crying? I could not take seeing him in pain. My heart shattered and tears started erupting from my eyes.

The whole bed started shaking from his violent cries. I couldn't let him suffer like this. I had to help, had to take away his pain. I focused all of my strength and forced my body to its knees in front of Edward. My body fought me every step of the way causing me to shake from the exertion.

I reached out and placed my trembling hand on top of his. He looked up at me and twisted his hand over to hold mine. God why wont my mouth work? I need to tell him that everything will be okay.

_Fine, stupid mouth_.

I pulled him up on the bed and cradled him to my chest, resting my cheek in his bronze hair. I felt a slight ache from my bruise but his cold skin soothed it quite nicely.

He put his arms around me and pulled me closer and I put my hand on his arm. I suddenly realized that his head was on my breast. I felt a flutter in the pit of my stomach and my heart was racing. What is wrong with me? These feelings shouldn't be coming out right now. I am one truly disturbed individual.

Edward deserved better than me. I was no where near good enough for him. I fell apart and started shaking. I couldn't let him go, not again. My sobs turned into hysterical wails at the thought. Edward sat up and pulled me to his marble chest.

He kissed the top of my head and whispered, "I love you Bella. I don't know what I was thinking when I left. I am so sorry. I should have been here. I should have protected you. You don't know how sorry I am that I didn't."

What? Could it be true? Did he still truly love me? Did he really regret leaving me? I cried harder but not from sadness. My heart was soaring filled with hope.

He kissed my forehead and the top of my head, telling me that he loved me over and over again.

After a while my body ran out of tears. Edward cupped my chin in his hand and pulled my face up to look into his eyes. I felt like he was searching for something but I didn't know what.

"I love you," he whispered as he kissed the last of my tears from my cheeks.

I noticed how dark his eyes were and the deep purple shadows under them.

_Ugh, why won't my mouth work? _

I pulled my eyebrows together, hopefully he would realize what I was about to convey, and reached up to run my thumb under his eye. He looked so thirsty.

"Don't worry love, I'm fine. I'm not going to leave you," he flashed me my favorite crooked smile.

The burn in his throat must be making him uncomfortable. I ran my hand down his throat.

"Don't worry about me. You just concentrate on getting better," he insisted and he ran his hand across my cheek.

I frowned, running my hand down his throat again. I didn't want him to be suffering because of me. Hadn't I caused enough pain?

"Fine, I'll go hunting soon, I promise," he conceded.

I felt a little better. I didn't like the idea of being away from him but I knew that he needed to hunt. I would not make him any more uncomfortable than he already was.

My heart was swelling, knowing that he had put his needs on hold to be with me. I know that he shouldn't waste his time on someone like me but it still made me feel good just the same.

"Okay, now that that is settled, are you ready to go downstairs and get some food in you?" he asked me softly.

He helped me up off the bed, fear ripped through me again at the thought of leaving my little safe haven. I grabbed his hand and stepped behind him, fisting my other hand in his shirt. I don't think I could face any more shocks today.

"No one is going to hurt you, love," he assured me but I didn't move and he didn't press the issue.

I was positive that if Emmet or Jasper or any of them just appeared out of thin air like they usually do I would probably have a heart attack.

He quietly led me down to the kitchen.

**Another explanation. The whole movie thing was my way of Bella facing her feelings that she was keeping bottled up inside. Now she can move past them. Well I hope you enjoyed it and didn't get too confused rummaging around inside Bella's delusional mind. Got to work the rest of the weekend so it will be next week before I can post the next chapter sorry. ~pixdog~**


	14. This is not good

I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.

**Okay, sorry it took me so long to update but I had a bout of writers block. This chapter is short I know but I just couldn't resist putting in a little something. Hope you like it and I will get to work on the rest of the story as soon as I can get to it. Enjoy and Review please.**

**EPOV**

Over the next week Bella improved somewhat. She still hadn't spoken a single word but she was finally starting to feel safe. She no longer hid behind me but she still had to have some kind of physical contact with either me, Alice, Esme, and to my utter astonishment, Rosalie. Rosalie's dislike towards Bella had ebbed due to her attack. Rosalie had suffered far worse when she was human but still she felt closer to Bella because of their similar experience. I didn't object because it seemed to help Bella to know that someone else had been trough something like her.

Bella would now sit in the living room with my entire family including my brothers. Emmet and Jasper would keep their distance, of course, but it was still a huge step for Bella to sit in the same room with them. I didn't know whether it was because they knew that she needed space or if they were just afraid of Alice.

The week had gone by mostly incident free. I had to keep my promise to her so on the third day of her stay I went hunting. It tore my heart to shreds when I had to leave her but I couldn't let her stress needlessly about my thirst. I didn't wan to leave but she had insisted, in her own way, for me to go. She had put up a good front until I left. She just smiled at me and pushed me to the door.

My brothers had chased a small herd of deer close to our house so I was only apart from her for about thirty minutes but this was apparently too much for Bella to handle. When I returned home I found Bella in a full blown panic attack. She was on the floor in the living room cradled in Alice's arms with Rosalie stroking her back, trying to calm her. I rushed to Bella's side, pulling her into my arms.

"What happened?" I quickly asked my sisters.

Alice shook her head morosely.

_Well, after you left, she just sort of fell apart. She seemed fine at first but suddenly she started gasping for air and she just collapsed. I caught her before she hit the floor but she just wouldn't calm down. Both Rose and I tried to comfort her by telling her that you would be back soon but there was nothing that we could do or say to calm her down._

Her thoughts were laced with sorrow as she showed me what happened in her mind.

I pulled Bella closer to my chest and looked into her eyes. Panic flowed through me as her eyes had that all too familiar not seeing glaze to them. I couldn't lose her again, not again.

"Bella ,love, I'm here now. I'm back, calm down," I tried to comfort her to no avail.

I kissed the top of her head, her forehead, her cheek but no response. Her heart was thundering in her chest, her breath still coming in gasps. I didn't know what to do; she had been doing so well. So I decided to do the one thing that I had refrained from doing since I had come back for her.

I kept my eyes locked on hers and leaned down, brushing her lips lightly with my own. She blinked twice and moved her eyes fractionally to look into mine. She pulled her hands up and entangled them in my hair, deepening the kiss and I let out a sigh of relief against her lips. I would never do this to her again.

I hesitantly pulled away from her lips. There was no place I would rather be but I needed her breathing to slow before she passed out and I knew form previous experience that our kissing only made her breathing more ragged.

My eyes never left hers as I pulled away and I saw her mouth pull down at the corners. She was just as disappointed as I was when our lips separated. This made my heart swell. I waited a few moments and her breathing started to slow and I smiled my crooked smile down at her.

"Feeling better?" I asked.

She dipped her head in embarrassment but I pulled her chin up so I could look her in the eye.

"Don't be embarrassed, love. I feel the exact same way when I have to leave you," I admitted freely.

"I think Bella could use a hot bath," Alice interrupted, _"it will help calm her down_." she finished the last part in her head.

"Would you like that?" I asked Bella and she nodded.

I moved to hand her off to Alice but Alice just put up her hands and shook her head.

"I can't, I'm going hunting," she gave me an evil grin and started shouting some obnoxious song by Brittany Spears in her head. I quirked my eyebrow at her

What did she have in that evil little mind of hers now?

"Rosalie?" I turned to my other sister.

"No, I'm going too," she said.

Her thoughts were actually on the hunt. She was feeling the burn in her throat more forcefully from being so close to Bella for so long. She wanted to hunt before things might get out of hand. I nodded my head to her; I understood her pain all too well.

Bella tried to get up so I helped her to her feet and she took my hand in hers. She led me upstairs and into the bathroom. She started the water in the large tub and reached for the bottom of her shirt. I quickly turned my back to her and gave her some privacy. I heard a frustrated huff escape her lips, a few moments later the water splashed as she got in.

The sound of her washing her body flooded my mind with impure thoughts and I shook my head to try and dissipate them. Thinking about her being in the water, naked, just inches from me was not helping with my thoughts and certainly not with the now growing bulge in my pants.

I heard a louder splash and suddenly the back of my shirt was soaked.

I reflexively spun around and said, "Hey!"

Bella had slumped down in the large tub, only her eyes peered over the edge looking at me. The smile in her eyes exhilarated me. It was a mixture of joy and mischief; she was starting to resemble the old Bella. I narrowed my eyes at her playfully and pulled my dripping shirt over my head, throwing it to the floor in front of her, and turned back around.

Another splash and the whole right side of my jeans were wet. I turned again to glare at her but her eyes were filled with mirth so I just smirked and kicked off both my shoes and socks.

I watched with satisfaction as Bella's eyes widened when I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans, sliding them off. I turned my back again and snickered to myself. I knew she was just playfully teasing me but I also knew that she was not prepared for me to be standing in front of her in just my boxers.

We had never gotten as far as being almost undressed in front of each other, well except for her in the bath. I had made her keep our touching and kissing PG-13 for fear of me losing control and hurting her. I was really starting to struggle with that rule.

After being apart though, I was sure that now I would not hurt her. I loved her too much to even think that I ever would. She was everything to me and my entire being would never allow any harm to come to her because of what I am.

I still couldn't allow us to go too far though, as disappointing as that sounds. I would love nothing more than to just take her to my bed and make love to her over and over again but my morals were stopping that from happening. We were both virgins and the way my human mother raised me, you remained that way until you married.

_Stupid morals._

I heard another splash but this time I moved.

"Enough, those aren't coming off," I pointed at my boxers. I couldn't help but smile at the innocent look in her eyes.

"Don't give me that look. Now stop making a mess and hurry up so we can get dressed," she just rolled her eyes and I turned around to let her get out.

She pulled the plug to let the water out. She stepped out and I heard the sound of the towel rubbing her skin and I imagined me rubbing that lovely skin.

_Stop it Edward, control yourself._

She wrapped the towel around her body and stepped closer to me.

She slipped her arms around me from behind and laid her cheek on my back. Her skin was deliciously warm against my cold body. The way her hands felt on my bare chest stirred up feelings inside of me that I had been trying to suppress since that day at the hospital.

_This is not good._

I felt my boxers getting tighter around me as my arousal became erect.

_This is not good._

She slid around me, trailing her fingers across my back, until we were facing each other. She placed both of her hands on my chest and slowly slid them down to my stomach where she stopped. She looked up at me through her long lashes and blood rushed to her cheeks. I knew that she seen the effect she was having on me.

_This is not good._

This is the first time that I had seen her blush since I had returned and it was because of me.

I reached my arms around her and pulled her closer to my body. She felt my erection press against her stomach and gasped. The feeling of her body pressed up against my throbbing member was heaven.

I leaned down and gently pressed my lips to hers.

_God how I've missed this._

She reached her hand down to the waistband of my boxers and I froze.

_This is not good._

I had never let myself be in this position, so tempting, so right, so wrong.

_This is not good._

I kept repeating to myself. I wanted Bella more than I had ever wanted anything, ever. But I shouldn't allow this, not now, not after what she had been through.

She slowly slid her hand down the front of my boxers.

_This is not good. This is not good. This is not good._

_Oh... My... God_..._this is great!_

She wrapped her delicate fingers around my shaft. It was the most amazing felling in the world.

I can't do this, not now. She was too important to me to allow her unstable emotions to get the better of her.

_Holy shit!_

She moved her hand up and down once, stroking me.

No, this is wrong. I can't do this. As much as my heart and my hard on want to, I can not. This is not the right time.

I heard a loud scream come from the other side of the door.

"Edward! No! You can't!" Alice screamed at me as she burst through the door.

* * *

**Well now what do you think Alice is talking about? Well stay tuned and find out(**_**evil grin). **_**Thanks for all the reviews and alerts. I do answer every review so please let me know how I am doing so far.~pixdog~**


	15. Stop it

I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.

**Well I just couldn't resist seeing what Bella was going through over the last week so here you go. Sorry to leave you on the edge of a cliff but what can I say. Please review and tell me what you think.**

**BPOV**

Over the last few days my life had improved to some extent. My body was almost cooperating with me but it still wouldn't allow me the freedom of speech. This was so odd. I figured out ways to communicate to everyone what I wanted or needed but it was extremely frustrating.

I finally felt safe enough to sit in the same room as Emmett and Jasper on occasion and thankfully they gave me plenty of space. It was frightening at first and I really didn't understand why except for the fact that Jasper did try to attack me on my birthday. Emmett never really did anything to upset me so I guess it was just his sheer size and aggressiveness that made me feel wary.

Luckily Rosalie and I had become a little closer over the last couple of days and I just assume that it was because we had more in common now due to our terrifying experiences with the people that we thought we knew. She had suffered far worse than me but still it brought us closer together.

My dad had come by to see me everyday and brought me my cell phone so that he could call me. Even though my mouth still wouldn't utter a single sound, we found a way to communicate, sort of. When he would call I would just tap my finger on the phone so that he knew that I was listening and understood. It felt nice to talk to him and hear his voice. He called almost every night to wish me a goodnight and I would just tap a couple of times on the phone and he knew that it meant for him to have a goodnight too.

I was happy to be where I was and felt safe for the most part. Jacob was still lurking in the back of my mind but I knew that none of my family of vampires would ever let him get close to me. They would protect me from him. Sometimes I thought that it might be a little too much though because they never even uttered his name around me. Everytime my dad came over one of them took me to the other room for a minute. I figured that he was giving them updates about where they were on finding Jacob or the lack of actually. They were trying to hide the facts from me and since my voice wouldn't work I really didn't have a way of asking them but if I really admitted it to myself, I really didn't want to know.

The main thing that had me concerned was Edward. He was suffering from his thirst so badly. I could see it in his eyes but he kept insisting that he was fine. He didn't want to leave me anymore than I wanted him to. I couldn't stand for him to suffer because of my stupid reaction whenever he was away from me. I know it was stupid and I tried to hide it from him but there was no way for him not to hear how my heart misbehaved when I couldn't see him. It always felt like I would lose him again if I didn't have him in my line of sight.

A few days after I got to the Cullen house I insisted, mutely, that he go hunting. I forced my face to remain unemotional as I pushed him to the door to make him take care of himself. He was reluctant to go but I just gave him a slight smile and pushed him again. He sighed and left the house. I held on for a few minutes before the insanity of my abandonment issue reared its ugly head.

My heart started pounding and I couldn't breath. It felt like my chest was being ripped apart from the inside out. I fell to the ground but Alice caught me before I hurt myself. My mind went blank and all I could see was the darkness that was my life without Edward. He was my light and with him gone there was nothing. I tried to regain control over myself but the feelings were too strong. I just knew that one day when he left that he would never come back. So is my luck, so is my life.

I had thought that I was improving and it seemed to be going so well until now. What is wrong with me? How many times has Edward told me that he loved me? That he was never going to leave me? Over the past few days it had to be hundreds. But then he also had told me all of this before and he ended up leaving then. What was going to stop him from doing it again?

He said that he loved me but why then did he just kiss me on my cheek or head. Why never my lips? He slept with me cuddled in his arms every night and told me how much he loved me but then why won't he kiss me? Was he disgusted with me for kissing Jacob? Did he consider me damaged goods? I had to know.

Suddenly I felt cold lips brush lightly on mine. I blinked twice, pulling myself out of my self induced delusion. I looked up to see Edwards's warm butterscotch eyes looking down at me. He was kissing me.

_God how I've missed this._

I reached my hands up and instantly wound them in his hair, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. He let out a sigh against my lips.

What did that mean? Was he sighing because he didn't want to kiss me?

But it seemed like he pulled away from me hesitantly. I frowned. I was confused; did he not want to end the kiss? Then why did he sigh? There was no place that I wanted to be other than having my lips touching his, well maybe touching his...

_Bella! Stop that_!

What the hell was I thinking?

I didn't know how he really felt but I was sure going to find out and soon.

"Feeling better," he asked with a smile.

I ducked my head in embarrassment. I had just had a complete melt down in front of his sisters and then I was thinking about putting my lips on his...

_Stop!_

He placed his hand under my chin and forced me to look at him.

"Don't be embarrassed, love. I feel the same way when I have to leave you," he admitted.

Well that was food for thought huh. But did he ever think about putting his lips on my...

_God what is wrong with me? Head out of the gutter Bella!_

"I think Bella could use a hot bath," Alice spoke up.

_Good but I think I need a cold shower actually._

"Would you like that?" Edward asked me.

I nodded my agreement. He moved to hand me off to Alice. I didn't want to leave his arms; they feel so good, so right to be in them. Luckily Alice put up her hands and told him that she was going hunting. He turned to Rosalie and she told him the same thing.

Well he was just going to pass me off to his sisters, I don't think so. I tried to get up off the floor and he helped me to my feet. I grabbed his hand and pulled him upstairs to the bathroom. I think that I found a way to see what his true feelings were. This was going to be tricky but if I could pull it off maybe it would lead to a better understanding of where Edward and I were.

I started the water and began the fist phase of my plan. I reached down and grabbed the hem of my shirt to take it off and Edward turned his back to me. I huffed in frustration. Well this was going to be a little harder than I thought. But I shouldn't expect anything less tough because when we were together before, he always had his rules.

_Stupid rules._

I hopped into the tub and started washing myself, contemplating my next move.

_Got it. _

I sunk down in the tub so that the only thing visible were my eyes peering over the edge. I pulled my hand across the top of the water and threw it towards Edwards back.

"Hey!" he fussed as he spun around and narrowed his eyes at me but not in a way that made me feel that he was angry with me. He pulled his wet shirt over his head and threw it on the floor in front of me before turning back around.

_Bingo._

Well that worked out well so I tried again. This time I splashed the water lower and soaked the right side of his pants.

He turned back to me again and I saw a hint of a glare before he quickly rearranged his face into a little smirk. He kicked off his shoes and socks. I was absolutely shocked when he slid his hand down and unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans before sliding them to the floor. I couldn't help but stare at his gorgeous body. He was perfect in every way, his smooth back, his muscular legs, and the curve of his ass under his boxers was almost enough to make me jump on him right now. I had one more article of clothing that I wanted to get wet. I wanted to see if he would take them off too. I heard him snicker and thought to myself, "_Yeah laugh while you can_."

I splashed again but this time he moved out of the way.

"Enough, Bella, those aren't coming off,"

_The jig is up._

I forced an innocent look upon my face and he smiled at me.

"Don't give me that look. Stop making a mess and hurry up so we can get dressed."

I just rolled my eyes. I didn't want him to get dressed; I wanted him to get undressed. My teenage hormones were starting to get the better of me but at this moment I really didn't care. I was going to see how far his rules would let me get before they stopped me. I had to know how he felt and if he rejected me...

_No I can think like that. He can't reject me, I can't take that._

I pulled the plug and let the water drain from the tub. I dried myself off and wrapped the towel around my naked body. I stepped closer to him and snaked my arms around his body and rested my cheek on his cold back. His skin cooled my overheated body but at the same time was heating it in a whole new way.

I trailed my fingers across his back as I walked around to face him. I rested both of my hands on his marble chest and took a chance. I slid both of my hands slowly down his chest to his stomach where I had to stop. I had been following the movement of my hands with my eyes but then something caught my attention. Edward was _hard. _Edward was hard because of _me._

_Oh... My... God_..._this is great!_

I felt blood rush to my cheeks for the first time in months. He reached his arms around me and pulled me tight against his body. I couldn't help but gasp when I felt his hard member pressed firmly against my stomach. It felt like heaven as a felt a flutter in the pit of my stomach. If this was heaven then what would it be when _that _was inside of me.

_Yum!_

He leaned down and crushed his lips to mine. This made me feel brave so I slid my hand into the waistband of his boxers. He froze but I wasn't going to let that deter me. I reached down and wrapped my fingers around his hard erection. I felt heat rush to between my legs. It felt like liquid courage and I started to move my hand up and down. He was so big I wondered how that would fit inside of me without tearing me in two. I really couldn't care less though, all I want is to have him in everyway and in every _position._

"Edward! No! You can't!" I heard a scream from the other side of the door.

_DAMN YOU ALICE!_

_**Well there you are. Hope you enjoyed it. Sorry it was so short but I am still fighting the block. Any idea yet on what Alice is talking about? ~**_**pixdog~**

**Okay so I've already gotten a review that didn't agree that Bella would be coming onto Edward so soon and I agree but I do have a plan if everyone will bear with me a little longer and you will understand. I cant give too much away ya know.  
**


	16. What am I supposed to do

**I am so sorry for taking so long but I am still working on the whole writers block thing that is why this chapter is so short. But anyhow, Bella is almost totally coming back out of her self imposed shelter of her own mind and will soon be back to almost normal so yay for her. **

**I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.**

Just as Alice burst through the door, Bella jerked her hand back and stepped away from me with a disgruntled look on her face. I turned on my sister and glared at her.

"What Alice?" I hissed. She looked at me pleadingly.

_I saw what was about to happen. She was going to drop her towel and you were going to stop her. You can't Edward, you can't reject her. It will crush her if you tell her 'no'. _

_Rosalie and I ran back as soon as I saw what would happen. She thinks that Bella needs to feel wanted. She needs to know that you still want her. That's why Rosalie didn't tell Emmett what happened to her when they first got together. She was afraid that he wouldn't want her anymore if she told him. _

_Bella probably feels the same way. We don't think that she let it get too far but if you would have stopped her, she would have gotten the wrong impression. That can't happen, Edward, we will lose her forever if it does._

I couldn't lose Bella again, not for something as stupid as her believing that I didn't want her. I have wanted her since the first day I saw her, even though I only wanted her blood at first but after that I fell in love with her. She is the only thing that I want from this forsaken life.

I spoke so fast and low that that Bella would have no chance to hear or understand my words.

"What am I supposed to do then? I know that it is too soon for any of this but if I can't tell her 'no'...yes is not the answer, I know that but how do I stop her without hurting her?" I asked frustrated.

_I don't know. Maybe just let her go and do what she feels comfortable doing. I think that she will stop once she realizes that you do still want her. I don't think that she will let it get __**that **__far but you can't tell her 'no' regardless._

"But if I let her do that...what if I can't control myself?"

What if I accidentally hurt her or worse kill her myself? I couldn't survive if I did. She was everything to me and the thought of her being killed by my hands was pure agony.

_You just have to Edward. This is about Bella not your urges so figure out a way to control them._

"Okay, I can do this. I will do this for Bella but if you see it going too far...if you see me losing control..."

_I'll come in and shove my foot right up your ass._ She smiled.

I nodded and turned back to Bella. She had her arms crossed over her chest and her jaw was tight. She apparently wasn't too pleased with mine and Alice's little conversation. I reached my hand up and cupped her cheek.

"Come on, let's go and get dressed," I smiled at her.

She rolled her eyes and pulled my hand from her cheek. This was going to be the hardest thing that I have ever had to do besides having to leave her. I love her with every fiber of my being and I would do anything for her but she is so fragile both physically and mentally, I had to do this carefully. If Alice and Rosalie are right about Bella needing to know that I still want her, I needed to figure out a way to convince her before things got out of hand. Even though my first instinct is to just lick every inch of her delicious body and make love to her every second of everyday, that is not what she was ready for just yet and to be completely honest, neither was I.

We walked back to my room and Bella's clothes were neatly sitting on the end of the bed, probably Alice's doing. I turned and closed the door while Bella walked to the bed and got dressed. When she was done she walked up behind me and snaked her arms around me, placing her cheek against my back again.

I took a deep breath and tried to steady myself before turning to face her. I leaned down and kissed her briefly on the lips.

"Okay, I need to get dressed now," I smiled down at her.

She shook her head no and led me to the bed.

_Oh shit._

She lay down on the bed and pulled me down beside her. She snuggled into my side and started running her soft fingers over my chest, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. It felt exquisite. She leaned in and placed a light kiss on my chest sending shivers down my spine.

I could feel the hardness growing in my boxers as she ran her hand down my stomach. My breathing started to accelerate as did hers. I reached my hand over my body and pulled her lips to mine while wrapping my other arm around her waist. Her lips molded to mine as she pulled herself even closer to my side. My eyes flashed open and my body went rigid as she draped her leg over my hips, directly on top of my throbbing member.

_Calm down Edward _I thought to myself as I forced my body to relax.

I had to remain in control of myself. I also had to go along with this as to not make Bella think that I didn't want this too. Oh how I wanted it but for Bella this was a little too soon. She may not realize it yet but she needed more time to heal from her attack. It would hurt her worse if she pushed herself too far too fast.

I placed my hand behind her neck and deepened the kiss. She moved her hands to my hair as she started to push her hips into the side of mine, causing her leg that was on top of me to move back and forth. The friction was excruciatingly pleasurable. I gasped against her mouth and she took that opportunity to slip her tiny tongue between my lips. I quickly pulled back from her as a reflex and her face fell.

_Shit._

"Love, you'll want to stay away from my teeth," I whispered as I moved my lips to her neck, licking and sucking lightly. I was having a hard enough time with her physical attack but if I tasted her too, I was a goner.

She gasped as I moved down to her collarbone bone and back up to the hollow behind her ear. This was killing me. Her body was calling out to mine and all I wanted to do was give in to our desires and let this happen but I know that I can't. She had to stop soon before I couldn't take any more. I didn't want to risk hurting her.

She pushed herself up and slid over top of me, straddling my hips.

_Oh... My... God... _

This was heaven and hell all rolled up into one. I could feel the heat radiating from her core and I was about to lose control. I placed my hands on her hips, about to lift her off of me. Luckily she leaned forward and kissed me, removing the pressure on my straining member. She started trailing kisses along my jaw and down my neck, slowly sliding her body back down. I couldn't take that again. I grabbed her waist and flipped us over.

I propped myself up on one elbow and held my weight off of her, her face fell again.

I looked at her lovingly and whispered, "Bella, words can't describe how much I love you or how beautiful you are to me. You are so hot and you are driving me crazy. I want nothing more than to make love to you right now but do you think that you are ready for that? If you think that you are ready then I am more than willing as I am sure you can tell but I don't want you to do anything that you are not one hundred percent sure about. I love you too much to let you do that."

She took a deep breath and her forehead creased. She had the look of deep concentration on her face. Her eyes squeezed tightly shut and her lips started to tremble.

"I love you too," she rasped.

"Oh Bella!" I gasped and leaned down to kiss her excitedly.

_Oh thank you gods above._

**So I know it sucked sorry.~pixdog~**


	17. I have to know

**Okay sorry again for taking so long but I just forced myself to sit down and write this one out. I hope the last chapter didn't disappoint you too bad and I hope this one doesn't either. Bella faces her final fear and now we move on.**

I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.

**BPOV**

Needless to say, I was pissed when Alice burst through the door. If she wasn't already dead I would have killed her. I pulled my hand out of Edwards boxers and felt a huge loss. Not just his size but from the physical loss. I wanted him more than anything I had ever wanted in my entire life.

My unruly hormones were getting the better of me and I had to try and figure _that_ out. I was still a virgin and so was Edward but if I had my way that problem would be rectified soon enough. Only one thing concerned me. Did he want to be with me in that way? After everything that had happened, did he still want to be with me? I _had_ to find out.

I stood back and watched in frustration as Edward and Alice had one of their infuriating private conversations. What the hell was going on? What were they hiding from me? Why did Alice say 'Edward, no, you can't'? Can't what? What was he going to do? Did it have to do with me or what we were doing or what?

Alice's eyes were sad and looked like she was pleading with Edward but his eyes were more filled with concern. What the hell is going on? I watched as Edwards lips moved so fast that it looked like they were trembling. He spoke so softly that I couldn't make out a damned word of the conversation, not that Alice was even speaking out loud.

Alice smiled at Edward and he nodded his head as she turned and left the room before he turned back to face me. I had my arms crossed over my chest and was grinding my teeth together as hard as I could, painfully. I was absolutely furious at the both of them for not telling me what was going on and for Alice interrupting my plan to see what Edward's reaction was going to be when I dropped my towel.

Edward gave me a sweet smile and put his hand on my cheek. I couldn't help but calm down at his touch; he was so heavenly in every way.

"Come on, let's go and get dressed," he smiled at me and I rolled my eyes at him and pulled his cold hand from my face.

Okay this was going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I mean how exactly you seduce your morally bound vampire boyfriend. I honestly don't think that I am ready to go all the way tonight but I did want to find out how far he was willing to go or if he wanted to go at all.

I unwillingly admit that I may be damaged goods in some people's eyes and maybe to some degree to myself as well. I just had to know if he felt the same way about me as I do him. I know he loves me but I also loved Jake at one time and really never felt the need or want to take it to the next level with him. The only reason that I did what I did with him was because I was trying to make him happy which turned out to be one of the worst mistakes of my life. He had hurt me almost as much as Edward had except in a totally different way.

Edward left me and broke my heart, tore it completely from my body. He came back though because he still loved me and he was suffering just as much as I was. Jake on the other hand had pretended to be someone or _something_ that he wasn't. He betrayed my trust and my friendship and broke my heart in a completely different way. No it wasn't as bad as the love of my life telling me that he didn't want me anymore but it was still painful nonetheless.

What I need now was reassurance that Edward did indeed still want me even after my indiscretions with Jacob. We didn't have sex but I did let him touch me in the way that only Edward had ever touched me. I still get sick to my stomach at the thought of that dogs hands on me.

One way or the other I was going to find out tonight if I was good enough for Edward in his eyes. I was no where near good enough for him in my own eyes but I guess that was up to him. I will do what I have to find out if he still loves me as much as I love him and if he says no then I guess that will mean that I will leave and not force him to be with me.

The thought of it turned my heart to ice and I knew that I wouldn't survive it if he rejected me but I would never let him see how much it hurt me. I would set him free and he could go on with his existence without me as a burden if that is what he wanted. I would not force myself on him or his family; I would leave them in peace.

So many things were running through my mind that I was getting a headache. Like, how was I going to tell if the still wanted me? How far was I willing to go to find out? What would I do if he pushed me away? Where would I go?

I wouldn't make them leave Forks because it was a good place for them to live without having to hide from the rest of the world. They could attend school and be out in public during most of the days. I would let them stay here and I would have to leave. But where would I go?

Go to my mom maybe but not for long. I wouldn't live the rest of my life without Edward; I just couldn't do it again. He was my love, my life and without him everything was meaningless. My contingency plan, as it were, was going to be hard for my family I knew that but they would survive. My mom and Charlie would grieve for me but eventually the pain would lessen. I would have to run as far and as fast as I could but only for a short while until I figured a way to end my own suffering.

Well first things first. I need to find out if Edward will still accept me the way I am then I would finish planning my future, no matter how short it will be.

I had led Edward back to his room while I contemplated my life from this point on. He stood by the door as I got dressed in the clothes that I was sure Alice had laid out for me. I took a deep breath and started on my mission. I walked over to where Edward was standing and wrapped my arms around him, laying my face against his cold back. He inhaled deeply. What did that mean?

He tuned and placed a chaste kiss on my lips.

"Okay, I need to get dressed now," he smiled down at me

I shook my head and led him to the bed. I climbed on the bed and pulled him in beside me. I didn't know what I was doing so I just went with my instincts. My hormones would take charge and lead the way for me. I snuggled into his side and trailed my fingers over his marble chest. I leaned my head in and placed a kiss on his chest. I felt him shiver slightly and I wondered if it was because he liked what I was doing or if he was repulsed. Well there was only one way to tell so I let my hand slide lower down to his stomach. I heard his breathing pick up as did mine and he reached his arms around me and pulled me into his stone embrace.

_This is a good sign_.

He crushed his lips to mine which I took as another positive sign and I pushed my body closer to his. I kept my eyes open to try and judge his facial expression; maybe I could decipher his true feelings. His eyes flashed open and his body went rigid when I lifted my leg and draped it over his hip. I gasped internally as I felt his hard member pressing against my inner thigh.

I thought for sure that he was going to push me away when I felt him stiffen but instead, he relaxed and put his hand on the back of my neck, deepening our kiss. I automatically ran my fingers through his hair. My hips suddenly started to move of their on free will and grinded against him causing my leg to involuntarily rub across his hard on.

I guess giving myself over to my hormones wasn't such a good idea. When my leg rubbed against him, he gasped and I took the opportunity to slip my tongue between his lips.

_God he tasted like heaven_.

He suddenly pulled away from me and my heart sank.

_Well there you go, there is your answer, he doesn't want you._

"Love, you'll want to stay away from my teeth," he whispered.

_Oh I hadn't thought of that. Hmm maybe I jumped the gun, oh well. _

He started running his tongue down my neck, kissing it every so often. I could feel the moisture building between my legs as he moved to my collarbone and back up to just behind my ear causing me to gasp.

_God how I wished I could moan. When is this stupid mute body going to listen to me?_

My hormones took over again and I lifted myself up to straddle him. I felt his hardness press against my heat and I almost lost it right there. I couldn't take the pressure caused buy my weight on his member. It was going to drive me further than I thought I should go. He placed his hands on my hips and I had to lean up. Even though I wanted to remain right where I was and just let myself be overcome by my raging teenage hormones, I knew I couldn't , I really wasn't ready.

I pushed myself forward and kissed him. My body screamed at me from the loss of contact on my core and suddenly I couldn't form a coherent thought as to why I had pulled off of him. I started trailing kisses down his neck and to his chest, slowly bringing my aching womanhood back down to where it wanted so badly to be. Apparently Edward didn't like that so he grabbed my hips and flipped us over until he was hovering over me.

_Well there we go again. Did he want me or didn't he? I am still confused. _

His eyes were filled with lust, so I thought, and his face gave me no indication of him not wanting this but then there was something that didn't fell right and I just couldn't put my finger on it until he spoke.

"Bella, words can't describe how much I love you or how beautiful you are to me. You are so hot and you are driving me crazy. I want nothing more than to make love to you right now but do you think that you are ready for that? If you think that you are ready then I am more than willing as I am sure you can tell but I don't want you to do anything that you are not one hundred percent sure about. I love you too much to let you do that." he whispered.

Oh my god, he does want me. He wants to make love to me but he is absolutely right, I didn't think that I was ready just yet. He knows that I am not ready and even though he wants to, he wants me to be completely sure before we take that step. He loves me almost as much as I love him and I can live with that. I can live now knowing that he loves me and wants me.

I need to tell him that I love him too; I have to show him how much he means to me. I took a deep breath and concentrated harder than I have ever concentrated before. The strain was immense and I took every ounce of love and adoration I had for him and demanded that my body listened to me. I squeezed my eyes shut and felt my lips start to tremble.

_God please let this work. I don't ask for much but please listen to me now._

"I love you too," I heard my voice croak.

Well I guess that would work, not very romantic sounding but I figure after the lack of use this was the best that I was going to get. It didn't matter though because even with this crackly voice, it was still a voice. My body finally started to work right again and now I can tell Edward how much I loved him.

"Oh Bella!" he gasped and he leaned down to kiss me enthusiastically.

I guess that he was just as ecstatic as I was about my final obstacle being conquered.

* * *

**Well there you have it. Bella has faced her fear of not being wanted and before anyone says anything, that is something that does happen. I know from personal experience so don't go off your rockers on me okay. Now I am not one of those writers who plan out a story in advance so I would like to know what you guys want to see next. Would you like it to move to the lemons or would you like to find out what happened to Jacob? I will leave it up to you. ~Pixdog~**


	18. Bella, Really

**Okay sorry again for taking so long but I just have life to deal with. Okay so the Lemon vote won out.**

**LEMON ALERT! LEMON ALERT!**

**You have been warned!**

**I do not own Twilight; I just play with the characters.**

**BPOV**

The next few days went by so fast, it was just a blur. My body was finally listening to me for the most part. My voice was working and I didn't let a moment go by without telling Edward that I loved him. The joy and love in his eyes took my breath away. I loved him and he loved me that was all that mattered in my life.

My father had wanted me to come back home but Edward was reluctant. Although I was starting to gain back some of my weight, my stomach still wouldn't let me eat too much. Carlisle said that my stomach was so used to expelling anything that was put into it that it was going to take time to get it back to normal. He gave me some medicine that was normally given to pregnant women with severe nausea but it only worked part of the time, probably because I didn't take them 'as directed'. I didn't like the way they made me feel. They would knock me out for about eight hours and I didn't want to sleep all day and night. I'd rather spend my time with Edward, eating or not.

I was still having nightmares and waking up sweating and out of breath but at least the screaming had stopped. Every time it happened Edward would tell me that everything was alright and that I was safe. I could see it in his eyes, it upset him terribly. I tried to alleviate some of his stress by telling him that it was just nightmares, no big deal, but he saw straight through me.

He kept asking me what they were about but I would just shrug my shoulders. I didn't want to tell him that they were about him leaving and not coming back and him not being there to stop Jacob from attacking me. I figured that he was stressed enough about Jacob still being on the loose.

Jacob had disappeared after my father had shot him and no one has seen him since. Everyone was still avoiding telling me anything that was going on with the investigation but I had pieced that together from all the cryptic conversations I heard. I was scared that he would come back but the more I thought about it, it seemed more likely that he was gone for good. He knew that he was going to face a prison sentence so I really doubted that he would return.

I couldn't let my fear interfere with my life. My father and my vampire family would protect me and I would not let Jacob stop me from moving forward with my life. I made my decision.

I needed to go back home with Charlie and start back to school. Spring break ended about a week and a half ago. If I didn't get back soon I wouldn't graduate. The only obstacle would be Edward and he was the other reason I needed to go home.

I was fast becoming a sexually frustrated teenager. Having Edward with me constantly was causing my body to become increasingly aroused. After that first night, he would let me remove his shirt but anything past that, he would just pull away and sigh. It was infuriating to say the least.

We were sitting on the couch in the living room and I was snuggled up against him with his arms wrapped around me. I let out a deep sigh as I tried to figure out a way to tell him that I needed to go home. Unfortunately he noticed, _of course he did._

"Bella what's wrong, love?" he asked as he looked down at me.

"Nothing," I lied, I didn't know why.

He lifted my chin up so that he could look into my eyes.

_God his eyes, I could just swim in those molten butterscotch eyes. _

I sighed again as I lost all train of thought.

"Bella, I can't read your mind but I can read your face, you are a terrible liar. Now, tell me what is bothering you and maybe I can help."

"Fine," I huffed, "Edward, we need to talk."

Before he could respond I got up, grasped his hand in mine and led him upstairs to his room. I shut the door behind us and pulled him to the bed.

"Sit," I instructed as I pointed to the bed.

He did as I asked with a worried look in his eyes. I looked away from his eyes and started pacing back and forth. If I was going to get through this I couldn't look him in the eye.

"Bella, what..." he started but I interrupted him.

"Edward, I'm going home tomorrow."

"No, that is out of the question," he said through his teeth.

"Look, I can't stay here for the rest of my life. I..."

"Why not?"

"Would you please just listen to me and not interrupt?" I glanced at him and he nodded.

"Okay, for starters Charlie needs me. I can just imagine the state our house is in and I am sure that he has been eating every meal at that stupid Diner. That can't be good for him. Then there's school. If I don't go back I'm not going to graduate. I'll fail and have to do senior year all over again. And I know what you're going to say 'It's too dangerous, Jacobs still out there'. Well I'm not going to let Jacob Black dictate my life for me. I refuse to live in fear of what might happen. Besides, he won't try anything at school and you and Alice will be there to keep me safe. You can take me to school and home afterward and stay until my dad gets there. Then, if you want to, you can sneak back into my room just like you used to. I'll be safe Edward, nothings going to happen to me, not with you there," I stopped pacing and looked at him.

He shook his head and ran his hand through his gorgeous hair, yumm...

_Focus Bella._

"I don't like this Bella, I don't like this one bit," he growled.

Hmm, that was a sexy sound.

_Focus._

"I know you're worried but I can't, no I won't hide for the rest of my life," I said with conviction.

He ran his fingers through his hair again and I could no longer resist touching him. I stepped over to him and climbed into his lap, straddling him. I cupped his face in my hands and looked into his eyes.

"I love you more than my own life and I know that you feel the same but I can't stay cooped up in this house any longer."

He sighed and nodded.

"Although being locked up _does_ have its advantages," I whispered as I leaned in and crushed my lips to his.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, deepening the kiss. I slowly slid my hands down his chest, across his stomach to the hem of his shirt, lifting it up. Lately he had allowed me to remove this one article of clothing but never anything else. We broke apart long enough to slip his shirt over his head and then our lips came together again.

I let my fingertips trace the muscles on his chest and I felt him shutter slightly, moaning on my lips. That was one of the sexiest sounds I have ever heard. My heart rate accelerated and I had to pull away to catch my breath. His breathing was just as ragged as mine and the look in his eyes was pure lust and desire. My feet were starting to fall asleep so I adjusted my position on his lap and accidentally, on purpose, ground myself into his extremely straining member. He grabbed my hips to stop my movement.

"Bella," he grunted.

_A better sexy sound._

"Hmm?" I mumbled as I leaned in and kissed his neck.

I kissed, licked and sucked my way up to his ear. I sucked his earlobe into my mouth and he growled.

_He actually growled._

That sound sent waves of heat down my body, straight between my legs. My body screamed for pressure, for some kind of friction. Instinctually my hips ground into him again. His grip tightened on my waist and stopped me. I growled in frustration.

"Bella, stop," he gasped.

"No," I whispered and bit down on his lobe.

He pulled away from me and I just glared at him.

"Really, Bella, stop!" he hissed.

My anger and frustration boiled over and I slapped his chest with both hands causing more pain for myself than him.

"FUCK EDWARD!" I was pissed.

"Bella!" he chastised.

He was shocked at my language and to be honest so was I. I wasn't one to say such things but right now I so didn't care.

I wish I was a god damned vampire so you wouldn't be afraid to fucking touch me!" I shouted, slapping his chest again.

"Bella, really," he huffed.

"Really, my ass. You don't have any idea what this is doing to me. I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin," I shook with anger.

"Oh you think so huh? You think that I don't know what that feels like? You have no idea how difficult it is to pull away from you when all I really want to do is make passionate love to you!" He said irately.

Now he was getting mad at me?

_Oh hell no!_

"Edward Cullen, you are so full of shit! If you were felling the same thing that I am felling right now you wouldn't push me away!"

"Bella, what has gotten into you!?"

"Well definitely not you!" I retorted.

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him as an angry tear rolled down my face. He tried to reach up and wipe it from my cheek but I slapped his hand away. He let out a long sigh and looked into my eyes. So many emotions were flashing across his face, I couldn't catch them all.

"Love, you know why I have to say no. It's not because I don't want to because believe me I do. It's just that I can feel myself starting to lose control when you...do certain things. If that happened, I could literally kill you and I could never forgive myself if that happened."

The pain in his eyes tore my heart to shreds. I took a deep calming breath and ran my fingertips down his cheek.

"Look, I'm sorry for losing it on you but I need you to understand how I am feeling. You know that I am a virgin and that was almost taken from me. I love you with all of my heart and I want to give it to you. Just in case," his brow furrowed in confusion, "Jake almost forcibly took it away from me and I just don't want to take any chances. I mean, I don't think that he will come back but if he ever did, I don't want him to have that part of me. I want_ you_ to have it. And no that's not the only reason," I could tell what he was thinking so I quickly continued.

"I love you and I know that I will never feel this way about anyone else. And I know that you're afraid that you will kill me but I'm not. You love me too much to ever hurt me. Plus you are forgetting about a certain little pixie that can see the future. Alice would see if something bad was going to happen and you know as well as I do that she would break down that door and rip your head off before anything happened," That's all I had and I hoped it convinced him, I _needed_ it to convince him.

I looked into his eyes and could see the internal battle waging behind them.

"I don't know Bella," he finally said.

"Do you trust me?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Do you love me?"

"You know that I do."

"Do you want me in _that _way?"

"Desperately!"

"That's all I needed to hear."

I leaned in and pressed my lips to his, trying to put all my trust and love into that one kiss. I could feel the tension in his jaw and I was sure that he was going to push me away but to my surprise, he reached his hand behind my head and deepened the kiss. After a moment I had to pull away to breath before I ruined this moment by passing out on him. His lips only left my skin for a moment, long enough for me to lift my shirt up and pull it over my head.

He stared at my bra clad breasts and I started to feel self-conscious until he dipped his head and kissed my collarbone. A moan escaped my mouth as his tongue traced a line up to the hollow behind my ear. My body felt like it was on fire as he licked and sucked his way up and down my neck. My body was craving more so I reached to my waist and grabbed his hands, pulling them up to my breasts. This elicited a moan from him as he gently squeezed them. I could feel my nipples getting hard from the temperature of his cold hands permeating the thin cotton of my bra. I reached behind me, unclasping my bra and sliding it off quickly.

He pulled back to look at my naked torso, "Bella, you are so beautiful," he whispered.

He ran his hands up my stomach, over my ribs and returned to my breasts, massaging them lightly. The feeling of his bare skin touching mine sent electric bolts through my system, coming to a rest at my core. The ache between my legs was becoming unbearable. I ground my hips on him again in an attempt to relieve some of the tension that was building. Edward growled deep within his chest, he must like that, so I did it again.

Before I could blink, I was on my back on the bed. Edward was hovering over me, propped up on his elbow to keep his weight off of me. He was panting as hard as I was and his eyes were dark with lust. Unfortunately his position left an inch of space between our lower bodies and I felt a huge sense of loss. This was all still new to me so I just let go of all my inhibitions and let my hormones take over. I leaned up and placed a kiss on his chest as I ran my hands down his body until I reached the hem of his jeans. I lingered there for a minute as I placed more kisses on his chest.

He shifted his weight to his right arm and started running his free hand up my side. I moaned as his hand slid over my breast, grazing my hardened peak. I moved my hands to the front of his jeans and unbuttoned them and slid the zipper down. He gasped and I saw something flash across his face.

Doubt.

"Bella," he breathed.

"Shh..." I whispered as I snaked my hand down into his boxers and wrapped my fingers around his shaft.

I watched his face intently as I did it, his eyelids fluttered and he let out a guttural moan. He crushed his lips to mine and I started to move my hand up and down. The movement was hampered by his clothes so I pulled my hand out and grabbed the sides of his pants and boxers, pushing them down as far as I could. I felt his manhood spring out of the confines of his boxers and bounce against my pubic bone. We both moaned at the same time into each others mouths.

I felt him slide his hand from my breast, down my stomach and popped open the button on my jeans and unzipped them. The anticipation was killing me and if this didn't move along my panties were going to be stuck to my body from all the moisture that was saturating them. I moved my hands to my own pants and pulled at the sides. He pulled away from me and replaced my hands with his and gently pulled my jeans off.

I looked down my body at him as he kicked his off too. I swallowed hard as I saw his now naked form in front of me. He was so perfect in every way. I still had my panties on and suddenly wished that I had worn something sexier than my purple Hanes Her Way underwear.

_Well too late now. _

I hooked my fingers in my panties and slowly slid them off. Edward was kneeling between my legs, staring at my body. I started to feel uncomfortable, exposed. I quickly sat up and wound my fingers in his hair, pulling him back down. He kissed me tenderly.

He shifted and I felt his tip at my entrance. I was suddenly worried. I knew that it was going to hurt but how much? I didn't want to worry Edward so I just hoped that it wouldn't be too bad and I could control my reaction enough that it wouldn't upset him. I felt him push his hips forward infinitesimally. His tip parted my folds but didn't enter me and he stopped.

_HE STOPPED!_

"Bell, I can't do this. I can't stand the thought of hurting you and this will cause you pain," he whispered anxiously.

"God Edward, it's supposed to be like that! It's only natural! Look, if you are so worried about hurting me then you lie down and I'll do it. That way you won't be the one hurting me, I'll be doing it myself and I can control the movement to minimize any discomfort."

He looked at me curiously and I pushed on his shoulder. He took my lead and rolled over onto his back. I moved over top of him, straddling his stomach. I leaned forward and pressed my chest to his.

I slowly inched my body down his and felt his tip hit me again. Unfortunately it was hitting the wrong spot so I reached one hand between us and moved him to my opening. I slid my body down more, pushing him into me slowly. It hurt more than I thought but it was bearable. After every subtle movement I would stop and let the coolness of his skin numb me a little. I looked at him and his face was contorted in concentration.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

He laughed at me and inadvertently pushed into me causing me to wince.

"Oh, Bella, I am so sorry," he gasped.

"Edward shut up and don't move," I said through my clenched teeth.

He did as I asked and after a moment the pain subsided enough for me to try something. I pushed myself forward a little, pulling him out of me slightly, and then I pushed back. The friction was starting to feel good so I kept moving back and forth. With each movement I slid down on him a little bit more until I hit a wall. I knew what it was so I pushed harder and gasped as it broke through. Edward was about to voice his concern but I shook my head to silence him. I repeated my movements back and forth and the pain became tolerable.

Suddenly I felt Edward stiffen. I looked at his face and his jaw was tight, eyes wide.

"Are you okay?" I asked again, "What's wrong?"

"Blood!" he hissed through his clenched teeth.

Oh I hadn't thought of that. _Uh oh..._

"Umm, what should I do?"

"Just give me a minute," he replied.

I froze my body and watched his face. He held his breath and closed his eyes tight. We stayed like that for a couple of minutes before he finally opened his eyes and gave me an apologetic smile.

I returned it and whispered, "I'm sorry."

He rolled his eyes at me and gently pushed his hips up causing me to squeak and I smile again. One good thing, while I was waiting for him to regain control, the pain had almost completely disappeared. I moved experimentally and the pain was replaced by the pleasurable friction. I picked up the pace and moaned in ecstasy. Edward relaxed under me and finally started to enjoy the experience.

"God, Bella, that feels amazing," he groaned.

"I know," I gasped.

I wanted to try something so I pushed up off of his chest and sat upright on him. It hurt a little but the sound that escaped his mouth was worth the pain. I placed my hands on his chest and moved my hips up and down on him. He reached his hands above his head and grabbed the metal railing of the headboard. I heard it bend under his firm grip. I stopped moving and looked at him questioningly.

"Edward?"

"It's okay love. It just feels so good. I have never felt anything like this," he grinned.

"Me either but can I ask one favor of you?"

He nodded.

"Can we switch? I'm starting to get a cramp in my leg," I smiled a little embarrassed.

He didn't answer me, instead he flipped us over and he was on top of me. He started pumping in and out of me and it felt so much better. I could revel in the feeling of his movement within me instead of concentrating on my motions. He leaned down and kissed me passionately. This new position was even better. His pubic bone was rubbing my bundle of nerves with every thrust. I felt a fluttering sensation in my lower abdomen and I bucked my hips up to meet his. I heard a rumble deep in his chest so I did it again. I wanted his pace to quicken but I didn't want to separate our lips so I pushed my hips up faster. He got the hint and sped up. It didn't take long after that before I felt my walls clench around him.

"Uh...uh...uh...Edwarrrd!" I had never heard that sound escape from me. Gasp, moan, groan, scream, whimper, I didn't know and I so didn't care at the moment. My toes curled and my body exploded. It was heavenly. Spasm after spasm hit my muscles, squeezing him tighter within me.

He growled loudly and buried his face in the bed above my shoulder. He thrust into me two more times and shuttered. I heard fabric tearing as I felt his cold seed spill deep inside me. I shivered as the last of my orgasm left me. We stayed like that until our breathing slowed. He rolled to the side and pulled me to his chest.

"Bella that was... Words can express... I love you," he kissed my forehead.

I couldn't help but giggle. He looked at me questioningly and a little hurt so I rushed d to explain.

"I'm sorry; I have never heard you at a loss for words before. I made you speechless," I giggled again and he rolled his eyes at me.

"But I agree there aren't words to describe how that felt. I am so glad that we did it and I love you so much," I whispered tiredly.

"I'm glad we did too and I am so glad that I didn't hurt you. I love you so much, more than anything else in this world. But you're tired and need your rest. Sleep now my love. I will be right here when you wake, my beautiful Bella," he whispered and kissed me softly.

I had to agree with him, I was exhausted and as soon as my eyes closed, I was out.

**Well what did you think of my attempt at a Lemon? Please review I don't really get too many. ~pixdog~**


	19. Shh

**Sorry for the delay but school started back and my son got Captain of one team and Co-Captain of another so life is hectic. this chapter is really just a Lemon because I tend to write what I fell so..well..umm..yeah...Enjoy.**

**I own nothing**.

I woke up the next morning with an uncomfortable ache between my legs and completely satisfied. Last night was the best experience I have ever had in my life. I have never shared anything like that with anyone and I was so glad that it was Edward. I couldn't imagine having that with anyone other than him. He was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I loved him with all of my being. I let out a contented sigh and felt a cold hand brush some stray hair from my face. Smiling, I opened my eyes and stared into the eyes of my love.

"Morning beautiful," Edward smiled back at me.

"Good morning," I replied.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked as he kissed my forehead.

I thought back to all the dreams that had ravaged my mind all night.

"Mmmm.... How was your night?" I mumbled.

"Heavenly," he whispered.

I cocked my eyebrow at him questioningly.

"I just sat here and watched an angel sleep," he smiled. I just rolled my eyes at him.

"Edward, you don't have to lie to me. You already got in my panties," I giggled.

Now it was his turn to roll his eyes at me.

"Bella, when are you going to listen to me? You are to most beautiful, loving, caring person I have ever met. I wish you could see that," he whispered against my lips and placed his hand on my lower stomach.

I jerked my hips back quickly and he froze.

"Sorry but I really have to pee and you just kind of squished my bladder," I said sheepishly, trying to alleviate his concern.

"Oops," he chuckled, removing the offending hand.

"By all means my fair beauty, go and take care of your human needs," he smirked.

I leaned up and placed a brief kiss on his lips before I turned over and started to get out of bed.

"OW!" I winced and sucked in a quick breath through my clenched teeth.

Edward was instantly kneeling on the floor in front of me.

"Bella, what wrong? Are you hurt?" concern lacing his words.

"No, I'm fine, just a little sore," I assured him.

He shook his head back and forth and I knew what he was thinking. He was blaming himself for my pain just like he always did. This was really starting to get on my last nerve. How could he not just understand that some things are naturally painful and it was not because of him or what he was?

_Idiot_.

"I am so sorry, Bella. I should have known better than to do this," he whispered.

He laid his head down against my leg and I started running my hands through his hair.

"Edward, don't be stupid. This is supposed to happen. You have nothing to apologize for. Last night was perfect and I wouldn't change any part of it. Well accept for maybe the cramp in my leg," I chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

He sighed and I knew that I wasn't getting through to him so I had to change tactics.

"Look at me."

He shook his head.

"Edward, look at me," I insisted.

Finally he looked up at me and my heart almost broke in half at the pain i saw in his eyes. i leaned down and kissed his lips.

"I love you," I whipspered against his lips. he didn't respond.

"God, don't start brooding over this now. I would really appreciate it if you didn't ruin this amazing experience with your self loathing. If I have to, I'll calm Emmett up here and have him slap you for me and then I will call Carlisle so he can explain to you that this is normal. You didn't break me" I grumbled.

Yes it was harsh but this was getting to be beyond ridiculous with him. He took everything on himself, all the blame, all the hurt, everything and I had had enough of it. Hopefully I wouldn't have to resort to my threats because honestly it was too embarrassing to bring his family into our private life that way. Luckily he seemed to understand. We spent a few hours getting my things and saying goodbye to everyone before he took me back to my house where my father was waiting for me excitedly.

* * *

My life was back to normal. Well as normal as can be expected considering my boyfriend was a vampire and I was attacked by a werewolf. This is normal I guess, for me. I was finally getting back on track with my school work with a lot of help from Edward and Alice. Everything was getting better. Jacob was still missing and this made Edward and my father nervous, making them extra cautious. I was never left alone for one second and it was kind of annoying but I understood their reason for doing it. Edward was by my side every minute of every day except for when he would have to leave to hunt. At these times usually Alice or my father would keep me in sight.

I could tell that all of this was taking a terrible toll on my father. He would come home late at night looking exhausted and fall asleep soon after he ate supper, sometimes dozing off at the kitchen table. I would shake him and help him to his bed where he would get little sleep before heading off to the station in the morning. I hated seeing him like this and kept wishing that this would all end soon whether it would be Jacob being caught or my vampire family getting to him first.

It was killing me seeing my father suffer because of me. I tried convincing him not to worry about me, that I was completely safe with Edward around but he wouldn't atop until Jacob was caught. I still didn't believe that Jacob would come back but no one else would even listen to me. It was infuriating to say the least. I know that they were just making sure that I was safe and I appreciated it loved them for it but that didn't make me like it.

Once again my father started falling asleep at the table so I helped him to his room where he plopped down on his bed, fully clothed and was asleep the second his head hit the mattress. I sighed to myself and pulled his shoes off before closing his door and headed back to the kitchen. I put the leftovers in the fridge and cleaned up the dishes before heading off to bed.

As always, Edward was waiting for me in my room. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face at the sight of him sitting on the edge of my bed. He opened his arms to me as I walked over to him. He wrapped them around my waist and buried his head in my chest. He let out a sigh as I ran my fingers through his hair.

"I missed you," he breathed.

"I was only downstairs for a couple of hours," I chuckled.

"I know but I couldn't see you," he sighed again.

"Your crazy," I laughed even though I felt the same way.

"Crazy in love. I still don't understand why your father insists on me leaving when he is here. I can't stand being away from you."

"Edward, we have already been through this. He is a cop and he thinks that he can protect me but he is also a dad and you are his only daughters' boyfriend. He doesn't think that it is proper for said daughters' boyfriend to stay the night with her. Of course that's never stopped you before," I giggled.

"I know, I know. Doesn't mean that I have to like it."

"Well, I'm here now so..." I trailed off, running my fingers through his hair again.

He looked up at me and I leaned down to press my lips to his. I could literally spend all of my time kissing Edward and never regret missing anything else. There was nothing else in this life but him. But even though kissing him was heaven, sex with him was euphoric and that was all I had on my mind at the moment.

I reached for the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head. He caught on quickly and in one swift motion, his shirt was on the floor with mine. I pushed on his shoulder lightly and knowing what I wanted, he leaned back and lay on the bed. I straddled his waist and started peppering his chest with kisses. I ran my tongue over the curves of his muscles causing him to hiss.

I smiled to myself, knowing what I was doing to him. I ground my hips down on his erection at the same time that I bit down on his chest. He growled, gripped my hips and flipped us over effortlessly. Suddenly his lips were on my neck, kissing and licking their way down, across my collarbone to the valley between my breasts. My breathing is coming out in gasps as he reaches his hand up and starts massaging my breast.

I heard a snap as his teeth came together on the fabric of my bra. I was going to have to go shopping soon if he kept doing that. I was quickly running out of undergarments. I felt his tongue dart out and swirl around my erect nipple, all coherent thought was lost to me. All I could do was feel. Feel his hands caress me, feel his tongue ravish me, feel his hardness pressing against my thigh but I needed more. I reached my hands down to remove my pants but he swatted them away.

I was about to protest until I felt the button on my jeans pop open and heard the clicking sound of my zipper. Edward slowly slid down my body, pulling my jeans off as he went. His hands wraped around my ankles as he gently forced them apart. I gasped as I felt his tongue trace along my ankle and up the side of my calf. The quiet moans escaping Edwards mouth were making my body quiver in anticipation. The pressure that was building between my legs was becoming unbearable. Without thinking of what I was doing, my hand slid down to the apex of my legs. Just as I was about to relieve some of the pressure, I felt Edwards fingers wrap around my wrist and pull my hand away. I huffed in frustration.

"That's my job love," he teased.

"Well hurry up then. I can't take much more of this," I growled.

"Patients is a virtue," he whispered as he pressed his lips to my inner thigh.

"You already took my virtue so just come on," I gasped as his tongue moved higher.

My heart was beating out of my chest with a mixture of desire and nerves. I knew what he was about to do but we had never explored each others bodies like this so I was kind of nervous about it. I let the desire overrule my nerves as I felt his fingers hook the sides of my panties, sliding them off before he settled between my legs. I heard him whisper 'beautiful' right before he placed a kiss on my heated core causing me to gasp. I felt jolts of pleasure shoot through my body as his tongue swept from the bottom of my folds to the top. I let out an involuntary yelp as his tongue flicked my bundle of nerves.

"Shh..." he whispered.

_Right...parental unit...gun...room 2..._

I shoved the side of my hand into my mouth, biting down on the fleshy part below my thumb to try and keep quiet. He continued his ministrations and I knew that I wouldn't be able to hold back much longer. I felt my body tighten in preparation.

Suddenly I felt his tongue enter me and wiggle. That was it, my body convulsed as my climax ripped through my entire body. My muscles tightened, lifting my upper body off of the bed as wave after wave consumed me. I felt Edwards tongue dipping in and out of me causing my orgasm to last past all the boundaries of sanity. My mind was blank, breathing labored, heart pounding as I fell back to earth from my heaven.

The bed shifted as Edward crawled up beside me, wrapping his arms around my body.

"That was..." I breathed. I couldn't find words to express what that was, they didn't exist.

"Wonderful," he whispered.

I looked up into his smoldering topaz eyes as he leaned in and crushed his lips to mine. I could taste myself on him and so many thoughts started assaulting my brain. Firstly, embarrassment, I just came on, in, whatever, his mouth with his tongue inside my most intimate parts.

Secondly, I wasn't a prude, I had heard people talking about such things and how wonderful it was, the taste. But _yuk_. It was bitter and had a hint of baking soda and salt mixed in. I don't know, maybe I was just delirious form my extreme release.

And thirdly, he hadn't had his yet.

Did he expect me to do that to him?

Was I supposed to?

How did you do it?

Can I do that?

Yes I can. If he can do it then so can I. We were both on a learning curve so I would just have to figure it out as I went. Sure he had the advantage of learning things from listening to other people's minds but honestly how hard could it be? I just hope he tastes better than I do.

_Well only one way to find out_.

I raised my self up and slid down beside his hips. With a little help from him, I slid both his pants and his boxers off his body, throwing them somewhere behind me.

A sudden thought crossed my mind making me smile to myself. I placed both of my hands on his ankles and coaxed them apart. I started licking and kissing my way up his leg just as he had done to me a few minutes before. He let out a groan and I smiled even more.

_Payback was so very sweet._

I worked my way up his calf, past his knee, and up his inner thigh until I was face to face with his glorious manhood.

"Bella, I didn't do that to get you to..."

"Edward, shut up," I interrupted.

I blew stream of warm air over his erection and he moaned.

"Shh..." I whispered, remembering him doing the same to me.

I stuck my tongue out and licked him from the base of his shaft to the tip, slowly circling my tongue around the head. He twitched underneath me. He must like that, so I did it again. I grabbed the base of him in my hand to help guide it in my mouth and also because I didn't think that I could fit all of him in there. I swirled one more time before opening my mouth as wide as it would go and sliding down on him. This elicited a moan from him which spurred me on.

Apparently I was doing this right so I started bobbing my head up and down on him, moving my hand on the part that wouldn't fit in my mouth. I glanced up at him through my lashes, his hands balled in fists, eyes closed, lips pursed in a tight line and his breathing was coming in gasps. I can't believe I could do that to him.

Plain, inexperienced, human Isabella Swan can make this glorious creature moan and writhe under her touch. This gave me a whole new surge of confidence. I reached my free hand up and started massaging his balls at the same time I pulled my lips back and grazed his length with my teeth. A hiss slipped between his lips that sounded strangely like my name.

I picked up my pace, moving faster. I wanted him to have his release and my jaw was starting to hurt from having my mouth open so wide for so long.

"Bella....I'm about to... So close..." he gasped as I felt his body tighten beneath me.

I mentally prepared myself, praying that he tasted better than I did. I really didn't want to gag and end up throwing up on him. I felt him quiver and I pushed my head down as far as I could. Suddenly I felt cold liquid hit the back of my throat in spurts. I swallowed quickly and _Oh My God, _I have never tasted anything so good. I should have known that _this _would taste good too. It was part of him and every inch of him tasted like ambrosia, Food of the Gods.

Edward grabbed my shoulders, pulling me effortlessly to his chest.

"God Bella, you are amazing," he whispered in my hair.

"So are you," I giggled, not believing what we just did.

My body felt like lead weights and my eyes fluttered shut. Before I could stop myself, I was asleep.

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**Thanks and love me and review please.~pixdog~**


	20. Steak and potatoes

**Sorry sorry sorry. Dont hate me for taking so long to post but this time I have a really good reason for it. My entire family tested positive for swine flu. I know right. Horrible shit that stuff is let em tell you. Especially when you are the mom and you have to take care of everyone else even though you are sick too. Any way I felt horrible for making all of you wait so long so I am posting two chapters today, yay for me.**

BPOV

I woke up the next morning feeling better than I had in a long time. Edward wasn't in the bed with me so I was pretty sure that my dad was awake. After my shower and morning rituals, I went downstairs to find my father sitting at the kitchen table drinking his coffee, staring off into space.

"Morning Dad. Did you eat yet or do you want me to cook something?" I asked.

"I'll just grab something on the way to the station," he yawned.

This was getting ridiculous.

"Dad, you need to take a break. You're killing yourself, I mean look at you. You leave for work first light, you don't get home until almost midnight, you don't eat right, and you fall asleep at the table. Look at your eyes, they are so purple, you look like you got into a fight with a heavyweight boxer. You need the day off. I am worried about you," I ranted.

"Don't worry about me Bells, I'll be fine," he sighed.

_Well that explains where I get that trait from._

"You are not fine. Look, I know that you are doing this for me. I know that you are trying to find Jacob so that he can't come back and hurt me but you really don't have to worry about that. Edward will keep me safe, he won't let anything happen to me, I promise. Please just take a break," I pleaded.

"Bella, seriously, I can handle this," he huffed.

Well I can see reason was not going to work, I hated to do it but I had no choice.

_Guilt trip._

"I'm so sorry Dad. This is all my fault, if I hadn't..." he stopped me before I could finish my sentence.

"Bella, none of this is your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. Don't ever blame yourself for this," he said sternly.

I could feel the crack forming in his armor. I bowed my head and gave a fake sniffle.

"Okay, if it will make you feel better, I will call the station and tell them that I won't be in today. I'll stay here all day with you okay?"

_Crack. Crumble. I am too good._

Just for extra emphasis, I nodded slowly and gave another fake sniff.

He got up and walked over to the phone when I realized something.

_Ugh... karma sucks._

This was a double edged sword. My dad was staying home and resting but my dad was staying home which meant no Edward.

_Ugh, ugh, ugh, not fair._

I hated my time apart from him. He was my heart, my life, I was nothing without him.

_God I sound so pathetic. _

I sighed and grabbed the phone to call Edward and give him the good/bad news. It only had time to ring once before I heard his velvet voice answer.

"Bella," the love in his voice was enough to make my heart skip a beat.

"I just called to tell you that my dad took the day off and he is going to stay with me today. So you know what that means," I sighed and heard the same response on the other end of the line.

"Well that's good, you need to spend more time with him," he tried to sound happy but I could hear the sadness in his tone. I knew exactly how he felt because I felt the same way.

"I'll see you tonight though right?" I knew I would but I couldn't help but check to make sure.

"Of course. I was going to go hunting but I will do that now so that I can stay with you all night."

"Okay, I'll miss you till then," I felt like a stupid teenager.

_Wait, I am a stupid teenager. Well that's okay I guess._

"No more than I you. I love you Bella," God how I loved to hear him say that.

"I love you too Edward, see you tonight," I sighed and hung up the phone.

The day went by faster than I thought it would. My dad lounged around watching TV all day while I got caught up on all the household chores that I had been neglecting. I spent a good hour on the bathroom itself, it was disgusting. I seriously need to her back into my cleaning routine.

I threw the last load of laundry in the washer and decided that it was time to start cooking dinner. I was going to make steak and potatoes, one of Charlie's favorites. I pulled out two steaks and placed them into a dish to marinate for a while.

I went to get some potatoes out of the potato bin and unfortunately it was empty. Apparently I had forgotten to pick some up when I went grocery shopping the other day.

"Dad, we need to run to the store for some potatoes," I called out. I didn't get an answer.

"Dad?" I tried again and still no response.

I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room where I found him snoring lightly in his old beat up recliner. He looked so peaceful sleeping. I didn't have the heart to wake him, he needed his rest now more than ever with the long shifts that he has been working but I needed to go to the store. I grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and threw it over him before turning back to the kitchen.

I knew Edward was out hunting but maybe one of the others were at home so I picked up the phone and dialed the number. I hung up after the sixth ring; the all must have gone hunting or shopping or whatever else vampires do in their spare time. I needed to go to the store but I didn't want to wake my dad and Edward wouldn't be back until later tonight.

Well the store is only five minutes away and if I hurried I would be back in fifteen minutes. I could be gone and back before my dad woke up, no one would know. Edward would be furious with me for doing something so 'reckless' as he would call it but I really don't think that being gone for a few minutes would matter.

I quickly scribbled down a note for Charlie just in case he woke up and looked for me. I grabbed my keys, phone and money and quietly hurried out the door to my truck. I got to the store a few minutes later and ran inside.

I went straight to the produce department and grabbed what I needed and headed to the check out lane. I let out an audible sigh when the old lady in front of me started counting out change very slowly. I swear if she moved any slower she would be going backwards.

When she finally paid for her groceries she turned and gave me an angry glare. I smiled apologetically at her because I _was_ being rude but I was in a hurry to get back before my dad woke up and found me gone. I paid quickly and rushed back to my truck.

I pulled open the door but before I could put my bag inside I heard a familiar husky voice behind me. Ice ran through my veins and my body froze on the spot.

"I knew he would leave you alone eventually," Jacob laughed.

My heart dropped into my stomach at his sinister tone. How could I have been so stupid? This is what everyone was afraid of, Jacob coming back, but I had convinced myself that he wouldn't. Why didn't I just listen? Why did I have to be so stubborn? All of everyone's work trying to keep me safe was just thrown out the window because of me.

I turned to look at him but before I could even move an inch I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head and the darkness swallowed me.

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**Well there is the first one and on to the second. Please if you forgive me and still want to read some more leave me some love and Review.~pixdog~**

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	21. Hunting

**Next chapter as promised.**

EPOV

If I had a soul it would be ripping form my body. When Bella is away from me I feel incomplete, like part of me is missing. I miss her smell, her touch, her laugh, her love. I miss _her_. She is all I can think about.

In all of my eighty years I never thought that I could feel this way for another being. I didn't think that my feelings for her would get stronger but they did. When I finally relented and made love to her for the first time, I thought I would explode with love and adoration for her.

The way her body moved with mine, the heat from her body, the sound of her speeding heart, the way she felt wrapped around my most intimate part_, so warm_, all of it was mind altering. Everything about that moment was like a black hole, sucking me in deeper and deeper in love with her.

My phone rang, pulling me from my internal musings. I glanced at the Caller ID and answered before it got to the second ring.

"Bella" I breathed.

_God how I loved this woman_.

"I just called to tell you that my dad took the day off and he is going to stay with me today. So you know what that means," she sighed and I couldn't help but sigh too.

I didn't want to be away from her longer but I knew how Charlie felt about me being there when he was. He thought that he could keep her safe and it did make me feel better that he was the chief of police and he knew how to use his gun. I didn't want Bella to feel bad about this so I tried to sound happy even though I was anything but.

"Well that's good, you need to spend more time with him," I hoped she didn't hear the sadness and longing in my voice.

"I'll see you tonight though right?" she asked. Like anything would keep me from her.

"Of course. I was going to go hunting but I will do that now so that I can stay with you all night." I assured her.

"Okay, I'll miss you till then," she breathed.

"No more than I you. I love you Bella," How true that statement was.

"I love you too Edward, see you tonight," she sighed and hung up the phone.

I sighed to myself. Now I wouldn't see Bella until later than expected the separation is agony. The only good thing is that I won't have to leave her tonight to go hunting.

"Alice," I sighed again. She was instantly at my door knowing what I wanted to ask.

"Yes, she will be fine while you are away," she smiled at me.

She knew how hard it was for me to leave Bella. I hated to be too far from her but unfortunately I could not deny myself the need to feed. It was a risk to be anywhere near Bella when I was thirsty not only because of my nature but because of the way she smelled so much better to me than any other human.

"Are you coming too?" I asked Alice.

"Yeah, I think we all are but we don't want to hunt around here. We have already hunted most of the game close by and you know Emmett, he doesn't like the easy game. We will have to go farther out this time because since we have been hunting so close to home lately things are a little thin now," she laughed.

"Alice, I don't think that is a good idea," I argued.

I didn't want to be any further away from Bella than I had to. What if she needed me and I wasn't there.

"Edward, I know what you are thinking and I already told you that she will be fine. We won't go that far, just far enough to get to some big game. Besides I think you could use a mountain lion or two, don't you?" she laughed.

"I guess you are right. I still don't want to be more than an hour away and I want you to keep an eye on Bella for me please," I gave in.

She nodded and left to tell the others of our plans. We all left the house and ran past our normal hunting range. Well normal as of late. We had been sticking closer to home because of the whole Jacob thing but Alice was right, we had already hunted most of the larger game in the area and we were impacting the environment more than we had wanted to.

We had been running for a while when we came across the scent of a lion. It was stalking a heard of deer so there was plenty of prey for everyone. I quickly took my stance and went after the lion. It wasn't hard for me to capture it and sink my teeth into its soft flesh. I felt the burn in my throat calm as I suck mouthful after mouthful of the animals' blood into me.

I could barely hear the rest of my family as they caught their meal and started to fill themselves until Alice's harsh screech caught my attention.

"Edward!" she screamed.

I dropped the lifeless body of the lion and ran as fast as I could to where the rest of my family stood, all crowded around Alice.

"Alice, what is it? What's wrong?" I asked as I got closer.

Normally I wouldn't have to ask but her mind was all over the place and I couldn't make out anything she was thinking. All I could get from her was sheer panic. I grabbed her around the shoulders and forced her to look into my eyes to try and get her to focus. The terror in her eyes was enough to almost bring me to my knees. I had only seen that look once before.

"Alice, tell me. Is it Bella? Is she hurt?" I pleaded.

"I don't know," she replied shakily.

"What do you mean you don't know?" I shook her shoulders trying to get some answers from her. I could feel myself losing control but I didn't care, I needed to know what was happening.

"I don't know. I saw Bella going to her truck and then she just disappeared. I can't see her anymore," she sobbed.

I didn't wait for any response from my family. I turned and ran as fast as I could back to Forks, back to Bella. I knew this had been a bad idea. I felt it in the pit of my stomach when Alice had mentioned it but I ignored it because she had said that Bella would be fine. Well now she isn't and I didn't know what is going on. I had a suspicion that it was Jacob because the only time this had happened before was when he was around Bella. Her future would disappear, we didn't know why.

I could hear my family following behind me but I was still faster than the rest of them so I would make it there before they would. I could hear all of them inside of my head pleading with me to slow down so we could stay together but I didn't listen. I had to get to Bella as fast as I could and if that meant that I would be alone then so be it.

When I finally got to her house I saw that her truck was missing. I ran to the door and wrenched it off the hinges before rushing in. Charlie looked like he had been sleeping in the living room when I had woken him with my abrupt entrance.

"Where is Bella?" I demanded.

He looked at me questioningly and yelled through the house for her. I knew she wasn't there so I asked again.

"She isn't here. Where is she?" I repeated.

"What do you mean she isn't here?" he asked.

This was getting me nowhere so I turned and used my nose to find her most recent trail. I followed her scent from the living room into the kitchen where I found a note to Charlie stuck on the refrigerator.

_Dad,_

_I had to go to the store for some potatoes. I hope you don't wake up but if you do I will be back in fifteen minutes. _

_Love Bella._

I didn't stop to explain what was going on to Charlie. I just turned and ran out of the house, pulling my cell phone out of my pocket and hitting Bella's number; it went straight to her voice mail.

"Bella call me as soon as you get this. I need to know where you are," I said to the recording.

When I was done I closed my phone and I was standing in the parking lot of the grocery store where Bella's truck was sitting with the door wide open. I stepped closer and saw a bag of potatoes broken on the pavement by the door. I could smell Bella's scent.

My heart sank as I caught the other smells around me. The first one I knew for sure what it was from the burn it caused in my nose but there was another that shook me to my core. Just under the dog stench was the burning sensation in my throat that could only be caused by human blood, Bella's blood_. _

_I will kill that dog_.

I turned and followed the scent around the side of the building as rage started boiling up inside me. I stopped dead in my tracks as I spotted blood on the ground at my feet. I smelled harder but the trail ended here. He had put her in a car and took her away from me. How was I going to find her now? I yelled as loud as I could, as loud as I ever had.

FUUUUCK!

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**Ok well there you have it. I will work on the next chapter and try to get it out as fast as I can. Again please review and make me feel a little better about not posting sooner.**

**Never done this before but I am going to recommend not just a story but an Author. Coldplaywhore is the greatest. All of her stories are worth reading and I know as soon as you read her stuff, you will stop reading mine because I am not even in the same ballpark as that crazy whore.**~pixdog~


	22. my stupidity knows no bounds

**I do not own Twilight SM does.**

**Forgot that the last time, oops. Anyway, yay, I got up another chapter so yay again.**

BPOV

My head was aching like someone had put it in a vice and was tightening it slowly and I felt nauseous. My mind was hazy making it hard to think. Unfamiliar smells reached my nose, mildew, sweat, rust? I don't know. The fog needed to clear so I could think straight. My eyelids were heavy and I couldn't seem to force them open. What was going on? Where am I and what the _hell_ is that smell?

_Ouch, thinking to hard hurts._

"Bella, you finally awake?" that voice, I know that voice.

Everything came rushing back to me. Potatoes, store, alone, Jacob.

_Oh shit. _

I tried to turn my head and felt a sharp sting on the back of it. I automatically placed my hand on the sore spot and felt something warm and wet. I pulled my hand back and forced my eyes open to look at it. I looked away quickly.

_Well that explains the rust smell. _

My hand was covered in blood and I could feel the wetness soaking into my shirt.

"Yeah, sorry about that, I didn't mean to hit you that hard but in my defense you are an easy bleeder," Jacob snickered beside me.

Getting over the initial shock of the blood and moving my hand out of my field of vision, I started to take in my surroundings. I was sitting in the passenger seat of an older model blue car. I looked out the window and didn't recognize where I was. Everything was green and it was raining lightly so I am probably still in Washington, I hope.

I turned slightly to look at Jacob. He looked terrible and if this had been a few months ago I would probably cry at his appearance but as it was all I felt for him was pure hatred. His hair was longer and full of pieces of leaves and whatever else might be in there. His clothes were torn and filthy, _he _was filthy.

_Oh that must be that smell. _

Good, he deserves it. After everything that he has put me through I'm glad he is suffering. We drove another couple of minutes in silence before he broke it again.

"There's a store up here. I am going in to get a few things; you will stay in the car,"

_Yeah right._

"I know that you will stay put but if you try and run, I wont chase you,"

_Wait what?_

"What I will do is go back to Forks and kill everyone you have ever told me about. All your friends, you teachers even the neighbor lady that chased her cat up a tree. Every person that you have ever mentioned will die. Do you understand me?" he asked menacingly.

I couldn't find my voice so I just nodded my head. I had to resist the vomit that was trying to creep up from my stomach. He had given me no choice but to stay. I would protect everyone I loved even if it meant that I had to sacrifice myself to keep them safe. I had no doubt in my mind that Jacob would carry out his threat and unfortunately, when we were best friends, I had told him all about school and even about the crazy cat lady next door. I wanted to get away but he gave me no choice but to stay and he knew it. He knew that I would rather die than have anyone else suffer in my place. My stupidity knows no bounds.

First I make friends with a psychopath and almost take it further. I shudder at the thought of what would have happened if I did take it to the next step. Then I don't listen and let said psychopath kidnap me. Why does my life have to be so difficult? After months of being a complete basket case, my life was starting to get better. I was finally happy again and now...

I felt the car start to slowdown and I looked up to see if I recognized where we were. We pulled into the parking lot of an old gas station. The sign above the door read 'Jackson's Mini-mart'. My heart sank a little because I had never heard of this place and I still had no clue as to where I was. Jacob turned in his seat as he shut off the car.

"Remember what I said?" I nodded again and he pulled the keys from the ignition and exited the car.

I watched a he entered the store and started walking through the isles. An older man was behind the counter and I wished that somehow I could relay a message to him.

_Yeah right, how was I going to do that, sign language?_

The old man turned to look at me or the car, I didn't know but when he did my stomach did a happy flip. He had his hand pressed up to his ear holding a cell phone. My heart started racing as I remembered my cell phone in my pocket. I trained my eyes on Jacob as I stealthily reached into my front pocket and pulled out my little silver lifeline.

I put my hands in my lap to keep what I was doing hidden and flipped open the phone. I turned it on and quickly silenced it. I looked up again and Jacob had his back to me, looking at the items on the shelf. I checked my phone and luckily it had a signal. I know that I can't call anyone because Jacob would probably hear me talking. What is it with everyone around me and super human hearing? I quickly typed a text to the one person that was constantly on my mind.

_**Jacob got me. Don't know where. Gas station Jacksons mini mart. I'm sorry. I love you. XB**_

A couple of seconds later my phone vibrated.

_**Bella I found blood. How bad are you hurt?**_

Hmm, that gave me an idea. I texted back.

_**Not bad. He hit me in the head.**_

I grabbed the handle for the window and rolled it down quickly. I ran my hand trough my blood soaked hair and slung it out the window, splattering the pavement with little drops of blood. Edward would know that he found the right place when he smelled my blood. I brushed my fingers on the outside of the door so that maybe he would be able to follow the scent. My phone vibrated again.

_**I am coming for you. I will find you.**_

I knew he would try but I had to do something just in case he couldn't find me or find me in time so I started typing.

_**Edward I am so sorry for letting this happen. You coming into my life was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I didn't know what living was until I met you.**_

I looked up to see where Jacob was. He was walking up to the counter with his arms full of stuff. I quickly started typing again to finish my goodbye to the love of my life.

_**Hes coming. I love you. Im sorry.**_

I hit send and turned my phone off, placing it back in my pocket. I didn't want to waste the battery just in case I could give him another clue. My heart was breaking and I had to hold back the tears that were threatening to escape my eyes.

Jacob slid back into the drivers' side and my heartache was replaced with pure rage. _He_ was the cause of this. _He_ took me away from my family, my friends, my Edward. I felt like I was about to explode as I watched Jacob searching through the bag that he brought from the store. He pulled out a bottle of Advil and thrust them towards me. I flinched back and he glared at me.

"Take them!" he ordered.

When I didn't move, he threw the bottle in my lap along with a bottle of water.

"Take them!" he repeated angrily.

Even though I was angry I was also afraid. I knew what he was capable of and I also knew that my best bet was to do as I was told. With shaky hands, I opened the bottle and popped two pills in my mouth, taking a sip of water to wash them down.

"Good girl," he smiled.

He reached in the bag again and threw a roll of paper towels at me.

"Put that on your head," he ordered.

I opened up the paper towels and wadded some up. I pressed the ball to the back o my head and winced at the sting. I pressed harder to try and stop the bleeding. He put the keys back in the ignition and my stomach turned. I couldn't let him take me form here yet. If we left it might make it impossible for me to be found. I had to try and stall him for as long as possible.

"Jake, why are you doing this?" I asked calmly even though I felt anything but calm at the moment.

"Because you are bleeding and I know that your head hurts," he replied gruffly.

"No, not this," I pointed to the bottle of pills in my lap.

"I mean why are you doing this, kidnapping me?"

"You know why. Because I love you and we were meant to be together," he turned to look at me.

The look in his eyes almost made me vomit. He looked at me like I was his world, like he really did love me. I shivered internally. How could he be so delusional?

"Jacob, we weren't meant to be together. I don't love you, I love Edward," I stopped when I saw his eyes darken with rage.

"You do love me! He has brainwashed you into believing that you love him. Some kind of vampire trick. You were just a plaything for him. Just a toy to be thrown away when he was done and that is what he did. Threw you away when you were no longer any fun. The only reason that he came back was because the bloodsucker that sees the future saw you with me. He wanted the challenge of taking you away from the one person that you were destined to be with,_ me_," he ranted.

_God he really was crazy._

"Jacob that is not true and you know it. He loves me, I am not a toy to him," I argued.

I could see his face contorting and his hands started shaking violently. I knew that I had to try to calm him down some but the argumentative teenager in me was resisting.

"Yes you are. Can't you see what he has done to you? Can't you see that he has manipulated you into believing all his lies? I guess not. I will make you see the truth. I will make you see that you love me and not him," he promised.

He turned the key and the car started loudly. I had no more time, we were headed away from the one place that Edward would come for sure. I didn't know where we were going now but I was more afraid than I had ever been.

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**Well show me some love pleeeease for putiing up another chapter so soon pleeease.~pixdog~**


	23. The Cabin

**Okay I am doing this one a little bit differently. There are both of their POV's in this one because I didn't really think that Edward driving in a car was too exciting so I hope you enjoy this Chapter anyway.**

**I do not own Twilight SM does.**

**EPOV**

**FUUUUCK!!!**

I dropped to my knees and started sobbing into my hands. Bella was gone _again_ and I had no way of finding her. I have lost her, lost her forever. I can't take losing her again. Without her I am nothing. An empty shell, destined to walk through life alone.

I felt a set of arms wrap around me and I knew that my family had finally caught up to me but I didn't have the strength to look at them.

"Don't worry, Edward, we'll find her," Esme whispered in my ear.

She didn't know that. No one could know if we would find my Bella. She was gone and I didn't know how to find her. We had been searching for Jacob and never found _him. _He was like a ghost, an expert at hiding so I knew deep down that it would be next to impossible to find them.

My phone started vibrating in my pocket but I couldn't force myself to get it. I felt a hand slide into my pocket and pulled it out.

"It's from Bella," Alice gasped.

I jumped to my feet and grabbed the phone from her hands.

_**Jacob got me. Don't know where. Gas station Jacksons mini mart. I'm sorry. I love you. XB**_

I knew it; I knew I smelled that dog. He had taken her away from me. How could I have let this happen? I was supposed to protect her and I have failed her once again. Jacksons mini-mart, I have never heard of it. Where is she? What has he done to her? I heard my family whispering behind me but I ignored them and texted her back.

_**Bella I found blood. How bad are you hurt?**_

I waited impatiently. I had to know if she was hurt. Of course she was hurt, there was blood. I can't seem to think straight.

_Get a hold of yourself, she needs you._

_**Not bad. He hit me in the head.**_

I will rip him into little pieces for harming her. He will suffer for putting her through so much pain and suffering.

"Edward, we know where she is. It's a small town about a hundred miles north," Alice explained. I nodded my understanding and texted Bella again. As I was typing in the letters my family and I were running back to our house to get the cars.

_**I am coming for you. I will find you.**_

I needed her to know that I was coming, that she would be found. I would not stop until I had her wrapped safely in my arms once again. My phone vibrated again and I stopped dead in my tracks as I read the incoming message.

_**Edward I am so sorry for letting this happen. You coming into my life was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I didn't know what living was until I met you.**_

_**Hes coming. I love you. Im sorry.**_

"What? What is it?" Jasper asked.

I looked up and saw that my whole family had stopped when I did. It took me a minute to realize that I was shaking. If I was human I would have been vomiting and crying hysterically but as it was, I wasn't. I pushed myself to explain what they wanted to know.

"Bella is giving up. She is saying goodbye," I whimpered.

"What, no!?" Alice screamed.

"We have to get to her before she really has to say goodbye," I mumbled.

My heart was breaking at the thought of how she felt. That she even needed to feel like she had to say goodbye to me. This is all my fault, I should have been there.

* * *

**BPOV**

We drove down the highway in relative silence. Once in a while Jacob would mumble something under his breath but it was to low for me to understand. It almost sounded like 'something's different' and then he would glance sideways at me. It looked like he was trying to figure something our but I didn't know what. At the time I really didn't care.

My mind was occupied with other thoughts, Edward. If this whole situation turned out badly, as in I didn't make it, I hope he can move on. There is so many things that I want to tell him and now I might not get the chance. No matter what happens to me, I hope that he can be happy again one day. I doubt it though.

I thought that I had lost him forever once and I know that I could never be truly happy without him. But I also know that my life was limited by me being human and I would eventually die, ending my suffering. He on the other hand had forever. He had a lot more time to get over me but that also meant more time to suffer. I am the lucky one in that situation. I held back a laugh at the thought of me being lucky.

The car slowed and turned onto a well hidden dirt road. I looked around to try and spot any kind of landmark just in case I could send Edward another clue but I didn't see anything but trees. Coming up in the distance was what looked like and old log cabin. As we pulled up in front of it my heart rate picked up considerably.

I had watched a few crime shows in my life and all of them seemed to come to the same conclusion. Once a kidnapper gets you to your final destination, it usually _is _your final destination. As in this is where I am going to spend the last little bit of my life.

Jacob interrupted my thoughts, "Excited?" he smirked.

Was he really interpreting my rapid heart rate as excitement? _Idiot._

I didn't respond and he got angry.

"Get out!" he barked.

I sighed and opened my door, stepping out of the car. Jacob came around my side and grabbed the top of my arm, pulling me to the cabin. As we walked through the door I looked around.

To my left was a tiny little outdated kitchen with barely enough counter space to make a sandwich. On my right was a small living room with and old ripped up couch against the wall and a little TV in front of it. Something about this room didn't seem right. The whole inside of the cabin had raw log walls except for one side of the living room and one side of a little hallway.

These walls were unfinished, poorly done drywall. Something about it made me uncomfortable. I pushed those feelings aside and kept looking. A little off of the kitchen was a door leading into a small bathroom. Past that was another door in the bad drywall. This one looked out of place. Just like the drywall, it was badly made and it didn't match the rest of the cabin. It was crooked and the gap between the floor and the bottom of the door was not level.

"That is your room, I made it just for when you finally got here," Jacob said proudly.

He had been watching me and noticed where my eyes had landed. Well that explains where he has been. He's been making my cell, my fucking prison. I guess he sucks at building anything besides cars because his handiwork looks like crap.

He pulled me to the door and unlocked the padlock on the front of it that I hadn't noticed. He pushed open the door and dragged me inside.

The room was small and had one window that looked out into the woods. On the floor in the corner was a single mattress with some dirty looking blankets thrown over it. I guess this is where I am supposed to sleep, lovely.

"Do you like it?" Jacob asked with an odd excitement in his voice.

I snorted in response and he tightened his grip on my arm painfully and jerked me around to face him.

"You know, you could show a little appreciation for all my hard work. I made this for us because I didn't think that you would like the loft upstairs," he growled.

What loft? I hadn't seen stairs or a loft when I came in. I also didn't miss the 'us' part when before he said that this was my room. This made me uncomfortable. Was he going to try what he had before? I didn't know and that thought scared me to death.

He shook me when he didn't get a response quick enough and I figured that I best play along for now so hopefully I could keep him from hurting me too badly. Edward needed time to find me if he could and I had to try and keep myself in one piece for him.

"Thank you Jake, its great," I tried to give him a week smile.

It seemed to work because I saw his lips curve up at the sides in a small smile. His eyes suddenly grew darker and he grabbed my other arm, pulling me hard against his chest. He crushed his lips to mine so hard that I felt my teeth cut the inside of my lip. His tongue forced my mouth open and started exploring. The urge to vomit was strong but I resisted. He tasted awful, like he hadn't had access to a toothbrush in months, which was probably the case. This is exactly what I had been afraid of.

I had to think and I had to think fast. I needed to get control of this situation but how? Somehow I was going to have to convince him that he is right, that I do love him.

_There's the vomit again. _

Maybe if I can do it then I can try and make him slow down.

_God Edward, please hurry and find me._

I closed my eyes and brought his face to the front of my mind. The way he looked, smelled, tasted and then I tried to imagine that it was him that was kissing me. It was difficult but I did it.

I started moving my mouth and tongue. I heard a moan escape Jacob's lips into my mouth when he felt me respond to his kiss. I just kept picturing Edward and imagining that I was kissing him and not Jacob. It wasn't easy.

I felt Jacob turn me and my back was against the wall. He pushed his body against mine and I had to resist the urge to be sick once again as I felt his all too evident erection on my stomach. He growled and pressed his hips harder against me. My back was aching with the force that he was using to pin me to the wall.

He pulled out of the kiss to breath, _thank god_. He was panting and my breathing was a little labored but for a completely different reason. He started kissing my jaw, down my neck to my shoulder. Slowly he drug his nose back up my throat, inhaling deeply. Suddenly I felt his body go rigid and his hands on my arms tightened so much that I whimpered from the pain.

In an instant his face was in front of mine. I could see the fury in his eyes and I didn't understand what I had done to enrage him all of a sudden.

"You fucking whore, you slut! You fucked him! You fucked a dead _thing_!" he screamed at me.

Uh oh. How did he know? Could he smell the difference? Is he going to kill me for it? This whole supernatural crap is getting out of hand.

He took my silence as conformation of his accusation. Before I knew what was going on I felt a deep pain across the front of my face. Darkness engulfed me once again. This is really starting to bug me.

_I was laying in the meadow with Edward. His face was just inches form mine. I could smell his sweet breath; I could taste it in my mouth. He slowly leaned in closer and pressed his lips to mine tenderly. I threaded my fingers in his silken hair and pulled him in to a deeper kiss. _

_I felt his hand sliding down my ribs and across my stomach to the hem of my pants. I gasped at the fire caused by his touch, the tingling sensation that ran a straight line to my womanhood. I pulled my lips from his to catch my breath and he moved his to my neck, kissing and sucking his way up and down._

_A moan escaped me as his hands slid down into my panties. He slowly spread my lower lips and slipped one finger inside and then another, moving them in and out. I was gasping for air as his very talented fingers did their magic._

_I pulled his mouth back to mine and started kissing him passionately. He pulled back after only a second and I groaned because I didn't like being separated from his glorious lips. He moved to the side of my face and ran his cold tongue over my cheek. His cold wet tongue slid over my skin, __**he was licking me**__? Umm, okay. Ouch, that hurts..._Ouch... OUCH!!

My eyes flashed open and Jacob was leaning over me. I tried to move away from him but my body screamed in protest, it hurt too much. He took a wet rag and ran it across my cheek causing me to wince from the sting. He gave me an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry I lost control, I didn't mean to hurt you."

_Yeah like that makes it all better._

"I know that it wasn't your fault, you would never cheat on me. He took advantage of you and made you do it. I know how manipulating he is. He used his vampire voo doo to force himself on you. I don't blame you, I know that you would never do that willingly," he smiled and brushed a strand of hair off my forehead.

God he has completely lost touch with reality. How could he possibly think that Edward would ever so something like that, unlike _him_. Maybe this could work to my advantage though.

_Edward please forgive my upcoming blasphemy._

I nodded my head meekly. He smiled in response.

"See, I knew that you wouldn't do that. I knew that you wanted me to be your first. Don't worry though; I will make him pay for hurting you."

He leaned over and kissed me roughly on the lips. Either he didn't know his own strength or he was a really bad kisser. Once again I forced myself to kiss him back. I felt him slide his body from a sitting position until he was parallel with mine. He placed his hand on my hip and ran his finger along the hem of my jeans. I grabbed his hand and pulled my face from his.

"Stop Jake," I gasped trying quickly to think of a reason for that.

I could see the anger building in his eyes so I quickly formulated a plan.

"I don't want our first time to be like this. I mean look at me, I'm filthy. My hair is caked with dried blood and I'm sure that I smell pretty ripe right about now. I want to look nice for you. Let me take a shower and get cleaned up, okay?" I softly whispered.

I placed my hand on his cheek and ran my thumb lightly over his lips. He leaned into my touch and smiled.

"Mmmm, your right, I'm sure that you would like a shower and some clean clothes. I'll get you some paper and a pen so you can make a list of what you need. I don't really have anything here that is for a girl," he jumped up and darted out the door, quickly returning with a pad of paper and a pen. I jotted down my shampoo and my soap preference and handed him the paper.

"Okay, I will be back in a few minutes with your stuff. The store is only a couple of minutes away so it wont take long," he smiled widely. It reminded me of the happy Jacob that I used to like.

He kissed my head and left the room. I heard the unmistakable click of the lock outside of my door. When I heard the car start and pull away from the house, I reached for my phone.

"Bella!" I finally heard the voice that I had been longing for.

"Edward, I am so sorry. I should have listened to you and waited for my dad to wake up but I didn't think it would hurt anything. I am so stupid," I wailed.

"Bella, Bella, it's okay. Where are you now? Where is Jacob?" he asked almost too fast for me to catch.

"I am at some kind of cabin. We left the gas station and turned left out of the parking lot. We went about ten minutes before we turned right onto a hidden dirt road. He went to the store down the road, he said that he would only be gone for a few minutes," I explained.

I felt sick for the reason behind Jacob's trip to the store. I had done things that I shouldn't have done. I felt like I had betrayed Edward and I had to tell him. What if I didn't survive this? What if I did? I couldn't live with the guilt.

"Love, we are about fifteen minutes from the store that you described. I promise that I will be there soon. I lo..." I interrupted his sentence because I didn't want to hear that he loved me when I had been unfaithful.

"Edward I have to tell you something. I had to kiss Jacob. He went to the store to get me some things so that I can clean myself up. I lead him to think that we were going to be together," I cried softly.

"Bella it will be okay. I know that you had to do it."

"No, you don't understand. He was trying to...you know...again. The only thing that I could think of was to tell him that I didn't want our first time to be like that. I told him that I wanted a shower and that I wanted to look nice for him. I am so sorry," I cried.

I heard him growl on the other side of the phone and my heart broke. He thought that I was being unfaithful, I was right. He wouldn't want me anymore after this, after what I had done.

"Love, you had to do it to stop him. I will kill him for making you do that, for making you feel like you had to so that he would stop. You have nothing to feel sorry for, you are just trying to keep him from hurting you. Do whatever you have to keep yourself safe. I will get there as soon as I can. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. You are smart and that is why you figured out a way to stop him," his voice was soothing.

"We just arrived at the gas station," I heard him exit the car, "Bella, I smell your blood again. Did he hurt you again?" he seethed.

"Well not there..."

"What!?" he seethed.

"Well when I was texitng you, I had an idea. I ran my hand through my hair and got some blood from it and flung it out the window so you could smell me easier," I explained.

"You are bleeding that much? How much blood have you lost, are you feeling dizzy? What did you mean by 'well not there'?" I almost laughed at how fast he talks when he is anxious.

"Head wounds bleed a lot but it has stopped now and no I don't feel dizzy. And to answer the second question..." I took a deep breath and confessed my other actions.

"Well when we got here, he pushed me up against the wall and started kissing me. He smelled me and started screaming. I guess he can smell the difference," I explained.

"Difference in what?"

"Between a virgin and ummm you know," I felt the blood creeping up my cheeks.

"Oh," he sounded slightly embarrassed which kind of made me feel better.

"Bella, we just caught a faint trace of your scent. We are coming, keep yourself safe for me. I will be there soon. I love you with all of my heart," he said excitedly.

"I love you too. Please hurry,"

"We will sa..."

_What the hell. _

My phone cut him off. I looked and the battery had gone dead. Great, perfect timing you stupid piece of crap.

* * *

**Well there you have it. Now I will work on the next chapter soon but it might take a little while. It will be the fight he he. I tend to be a violent person so it might last a while. Anyway I hope you enjoyed it. ~pixdog~**


	24. Think

**Again this took forever but my only excuse was I am lazy and this was harder to write than I thought it would be. Anyway I am sorry for procrastinating and thanks to ambernz sending me a PM and encouraging me I stopped fretting over this and just put it up.**

**I dont own Twilight SM does.**

The familiar panicky feeling engulfed me again as soon as I heard the rumble of a car engine approaching. I had no way of telling time but I didn't think that it had been long enough for Jacob to go to the store, get the stuff on the list and make it back already.

Something didn't feel right. Did he know that the Cullen's were coming? Did he smell them? Did he _see_ them?

My heart was thumping loudly as I heard car door close and heavy footsteps enter the house. I found myself holding my breath as the lock on the door clicked open. I started getting dizzy and released the breath that I was holding as Jacob walked through the door.

I hitched a fake smile on my face and noticed his empty hands.

"Wow, that was fast," I grinned.

"Yeah, well, I didn't get all the way to the store," he laughed. His laugh had and edge to it that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

"What about my shower? I really need one," I asked.

"Well, I thought about it and decided that it wasn't important. I don't care what you look like, you've always been beautiful to me and I don't want to wait any longer," he smiled.

_Uh oh, what now?_

Jake took a step closer to me and wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me into his chest.

Oh my god, what am I going to do now? I am running out of ideas to keep him off of me. I can't fight him off; he is a werewolf for fucks sake.

_Well there goes my language filter again. _

Anyway, he can snap me in half with his little finger so how am I going to get out of this now?

_Think, Bella, think, you can't give up now not with Edward so close to finding you._

Well what if he doesn't get here fast enough? What if Jacob finishes what he started in my bedroom? Edward wouldn't want me after that; I would be tainted, used.

_God, why am I having this argument with myself again? Think!_

Jacob crushed his lips to mine painfully. I felt his hands tangle in my hair, pulling the roots roughly as he forced my face into his. Instinctively, I raised my hands, placing them on his chest and tried to push him away. He released my hair and looked down at me. I could see the anger building in his eyes, I had to act quickly.

I brought my shaky hand up and placed it on his cheek.

"Jake, honey, you have to be careful with me. I'm not as strong as you are," I smiled at him sweetly, silently holding in my vomit.

He took a step back from me and had a strange look on his face, like he was trying to work something out in his head. His eyes roamed over me from head to toe and back up again. A small smile appeared on his face and he crossed his arms, grabbing the hem of his shirt, pulling it off.

Before I had time to blink both of his hands were on the collar of my shirt. He pulled them apart and my shirt ripped right down the middle, exposing my torso and white bra to him. I quickly tried to cover myself but he was faster. His hands grabbed my wrists and pushed them to my sides hard. He took the back of my shirt and ripped it the rest of the way off of me. The hand that was still holding my wrist jerked me to him.

I felt my skin burn from the heat of his bare chest on mine. He ducked his head down to my neck and started kissing, licking and sucking. I couldn't hold back my reaction this time and my gag reflex went off. Jacob was too involved in what he was doing to notice. I panicked when I felt his finger slip under my bra strap.

"Jake, wait, wait," I gasped.

He pulled back and glared at me, "Bella," he growled angrily.

"I just want to slow down. I want to take our time and enjoy being together for the first time," I breathed heavily.

"No, I've waited long enough. We will take our time later but now I am going to mark you as mine!" he snarled.

He grabbed the hem of my jeans and using his super human strength, ripped them from my body. I screamed in pain as the fabric burned and tore my skin. Panic shot through my body, I would not let him take me. I had to fight but how do you fight the supernatural when you are just a weak human? Suddenly I had an idea. Weak human or not, super natural or not, all males had one major weak spot.

I put what I hoped was a seductive grin on my face and placed both of my hands on his bare chest. I looked him in the eye as I slowly ran my hands down to his stomach. His breathing hitched as I reached the top of his sweatpants. I lightly ran my fingertips over the distinctive bulge causing him to hiss. I glanced up to his face and watched as his eyes rolled back into his head and slowly drifted closed.

I shifted my feet slightly in preparation for my next move. My hand finally reached to his most vulnerable spot. Grabbing one in each hand, I crushed his testicles with all of my strength. He crumpled to the floor yowling in pain.

Without hesitation, I turned on the balls of my feet and ran for the door. Before I was able to take more than a couple of steps a hot hand caught my ankle with such force I actually heard the bones crunch. I fell to the floor, smacking my face on the hard surface, smashing my nose. Pain surged through me from my ankle to my face.

Blood was gushing from my nose making it hard for me to breath. I felt my injured leg jerk to one side, hearing a sickening crack before quickly being thrown the other way. My body lifted off the ground and I was flying backwards. My back hit the door jam and I felt a pop just below my shoulder blades. Relief and panic ran through me simultaneously.

I could no longer feel the pain from my crushed ankle or the broken leg that I figured I had from the loud crack and surging pain from before. I couldn't feel anything past my arms and shoulders and realized that the pop I heard was my back being broken. Tears were streaming down my cheeks from the pain in my face and the terrifying thought of being paralyzed for the rest of my life.

I had always been the one to take care of others and now I was going to have to face life being the one that needed to be cared for. Edward deserved better than that. How could I burden him with that? The answer was I couldn't, I wouldn't. The only solution was for me to leave this world and I had the perfect weapon slowly getting to his feet in front of me.

**I know it is short and a cliffy but please don't throw things at me *ducks*.**

**~pixdog~**


	25. Edward

**Okay I switched it up again and have Both POVs in this chapter. Gotta love it.**

**I don't own Twilight SM does and I am not her.**

**BPOV**

So much has happened to me since I moved to Forks. I had found love, lost it and found it again. I had been betrayed and brutally attacked by my best friend. I had gone crazy and had been brought back from the brink of insanity. I had been kidnapped and physically broken.

Other people would ask 'Why me' but not me. I look back and only feel grateful, Grateful for the time that I was with Edward. His cold skin on my warm skin, his stone lips on my soft ones, I am grateful for our time together. My only regret was that it wasn't long enough, even if I lived forever, it wouldn't be long enough but now my time was soon to be up. I had to muster all of my strength and resolve to do what had to be done. I just hope that it won't take too long or hurt too much.

"You fucking bitch!" Jake growled still in obvious pain.

Well I guess now is as good a time as any to implement my plan.

"Well I just wanted to see if you were packing as much heat as Edward and I am sorry to say that you are severely lacking in that department," I laughed.

"I'll show you 'lacking'" he roared.

The part of my body that I could still feel shifted. I was lying flat on my back with Jacob towering over me, slightly hunched over. I just needed to make him angry enough to transform. All of the stories that I had been told had shown me that if you make them mad enough to change that it was extremely dangerous to be too close. People usually got hurt or even killed and that was my goal, to piss him off. And one sure fire way to piss off a male is to make him feel inadequate. And a sure fire way to piss off a werewolf was to make him feel inferior to a vampire.

"I seriously doubt it," I quipped.

The sound that escaped him would have been terrifying if not for the fact that I wanted him to loose control. I braced myself as I saw his leg draw back and snap forward. My body slid across the floor before coming to an abrupt stop against the wall. I opened my eyes that I hadn't realized that I had closed and found myself looking at the top of my knees. He had kicked me in the stomach and my body had curled around the impact. I was silently thankful for the numbness of my lower half. I could just imagine the damage a kick like that had inflicted on my soft insides.

"Is that all you got?" I taunted.

The look on his face was one of disbelief. He probably expected me to be screaming in agony but all I did was laugh. His eyes were dark with rage, lips pressed in a tight line as he stood over me dumbfounded. Well I couldn't just let him stand there; he had a job to finish.

"So, Jacob, tell me something, how does it feel to be beaten by a vampire? You know, I didn't let Edward take my virginity, I gave it to him willingly over and over and over," I moaned.

He growled and pounced on me, "I'll make you forget all about that bloodsucker. I'll show you what a real man is like," he hissed as he grabbed my now limp body.

"Wow, do you have a real man hidden upstairs or something because I don't see one," I asked.

He brought the back of his hand sharply across my cheek.

_Okay, I felt that...OW. _

I didn't want to show him weakness so I just laughed maniacally.

"You won't be laughing in a minute. What you will be doing is moaning my name as I make you feel pleasure like you have never felt before," he growled.

"Sorry to disappoint but like I said before, Edwards packing a lot more in his jeans than you. It's sad really, I bet I wont even feel a thing," which of course was true but apparently Jacob still didn't realize that I couldn't feel anything below my shoulder blades.

He could take my body but at least I wouldn't feel it. If I closed my eyes I wouldn't even know if he did. It was kind of funny really.

_Wait, no it isn't._

Hmm... My brain feels kinda fuzzy, like my thoughts aren't able to connect. I'm starting to get lightheaded.

I heard a rustling of fabric and darted my eyes down. Jacob was wrestling with his pants finally succeeding in getting them off. He settled himself on top of me.

"Are you ready for me bab..." his head whipped to the side and he growled. Not like the growl I heard earlier but a feral wolfy growl, animalistic. I turned my head and followed his line of sight. He jumped off of me just as the wall of the cabin came crashing in. There in the falling rubble of the destroyed structure was the most beautiful creature.

"Edward," I sighed.

**EPOV**

My family and I were running down the road. It was easier to follow the slight scent of Bella's blood this way. It was fading fast if the misting rain that was falling so we had to hurry. My mind kept flashing back to my love telling me goodbye in her text. I had to get to her in time. I couldn't stand it if he hurt her or worse killed her. I couldn't live any longer if she was not on this earth. She was my life, the reason my dead heart warmed. She had changed me in ways that I thought impossible. In my almost hundred years I never thought that I could feel this strongly for another.

I would do anything for her, she was my saving grace. She made me a better person, a better brother, a better son, she just made me better. I wish that I could take her place right now and protect her from that monster. But I am a monster too; I brought her into this world of monsters. It is because of what I am that she is always in danger. First James and then Victoria and because of us the werewolves came into existence again. All of this because I couldn't turn away from the beautiful girl in my biology class with the alluring scent. If I would have been stronger and able to stay away from her then she wouldn't be in this situation. But at the same time, I couldn't imagine my life without her being in it. The time that we had spent together was amazing_, she _was amazing.

The wind shifted and I caught a concentrated whiff of her blood, fresher than before. She was bleeding right now and the thought made me boil with rage. My family caught the scent right then too and there thoughts were the same as mine, except for one.

Jasper was losing control with the smell of fresh human blood in the air. His bloodlust was taking over his thoughts and I couldn't handle fighting with him and the wolf at the same time.

"Emmett, you Rosalie and Esme need to stay here and keep Jasper away from Bella. He can't be around her blood. He's not in control right now," I looked over my shoulder.

Without hesitation, Emmett wrapped his big arms around Jasper in a vice like grip. Jasper struggled, snarling and snapping his jaws. He was lost to his basic instincts. Rosalie placed her hands on his shoulders just out of reach of his teeth as Esme started speaking softly to him, trying to bring him back from his haze.

Carlisle, Alice and I continued to follow the blood drifting in the air. About twenty seconds later I heard it.

_Fucking bitch just crushed my boys. She will pay for that._

I had to snicker at the thought of Bella exacting her revenge. Even as a week human she had found a way to hurt a werewolf. She was extraordinary.

He stood over her and her face was covered in blood and I could distinctly see that it was coming from a broken nose.

"_Well I just wanted to see if you were packing as much heat as Edward and I am sorry to say that you are severely lacking in that department," she laughed. _I couldn't help but laugh too, my brave Bella.

I growled as I looked through his eyes and saw him kick her in the stomach so hard that she flew across the floor before smacking into the wall behind her. Bastard was going to pay for that. But why... Why is she laughing? She should be in pain from the blow.

"_Is that all you got?" she taunted._

Why is she taunting him? Doesn't she know what happens to people when they anger werewolves and are in close proximity when the lose control?

"_So, Jacob, tell me something, how does it feel to be beaten by a vampire? You know, I didn't let Edward take my virginity, I gave it to him willingly over and over and over," she moaned._

Bella stop, what are you doing?

"_I'll make you forget all about that bloodsucker. I'll show you what a real man is like," Jacob hissed as he grabbed her body._

The thoughts running through his mind were despicable. The things that he was imagining doing to her was making my stomach lurch. How could someone think such things that are just plain evil? Well I guess you can't expect much coming from a dog. But if he even touches her _there_ he will regret it because I will not kill him swiftly but drag it out and make him suffer for everything that he was even thinking about doing to my precious Bella.

My musing was interrupted as I saw his hand flash down and strike her across her soft cheek.

"_You won't be laughing in a minute. What you will be doing is moaning my name as I make you feel pleasure like you have never felt before," Jacob growled._

"_Sorry to disappoint but like I said before, Edwards packing a lot more in his jeans than you. It's sad really; I bet I won't even feel a thing," _

Something flashed in her eyes as she said that. She was a terrible liar and she looked like she actually meant that she wouldn't feel it. What did that mean? _Oh. God. No._

"We have to hurry, Bella's hurt and I think that it is bad," my voice cracked as I told the only two family members that were with me.

Suddenly I heard two distinct heartbeats. I ignored one as I knew that it was the dogs. I had become so accustomed to Bella's sound that I zeroed in on it. Something wasn't right, it was beating fast but sounded weak. I followed the sound and saw the trees thinning up ahead.

"Carlisle, you and Alice take care of Bella. She seems to be hurt worse than I thought, her heartbeat is weakening. I will deal with the wolf," I heard both agree to the plan in their minds.

I followed the heartbeat into a clearing with a rustic looking cabin. I traced the sound to the side of the building and using my vampire strength, I crashed through the outside wall. There on the floor was my angel, half naked, battered and bruised with the devil looming over her. If my heart was beating it would have stopped in this moment.

Even looking the way she did, she was still beautiful to me and my heart soared because I had finally found her. She looked at me and so many emotions flickered across her face before resting on relief.

"Edward," she sighed.

**So there you guys go. I hope you liked it. I am going to be working more for the Thanksgiving holiday so it might take a little bit longer before I can post again. And of course I procrastinate. Please don't be mad at me ****J****. ~pixdog~**


	26. I hope this is what you want

**Okay I switched it up again and have Both POVs in this chapter. Gotta love it. Anyway onto the fight enjoy. Oh yeah I don't own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

Even as the inevitability of my actions slowly crept into my mind, all I could think was 'at least I would see him one last time before my short human life ended'. I would get to look into his beautiful eyes one last time, smell his intoxicating scent; his glorious face would be the last thing that I would see in this life. The thought of this loosened the tightness in my chest considerably.

If I would have blinked my eyes, I would have missed the movement in front of me ,as it was, though with week human eyes, I saw Edward lunge and knock Jacob out of my line of sight. I heard snarling, snapping teeth and growling near me but I had no way of seeing what was happening.

Suddenly I felt the familiar cold touch of Edwards' family, my family. Alice and Carlisle had entered through the hole in the wall left by Edward and were crouching over my battered and bruised body.

"Oh Bella, what did that dog do to you!?" Alice gasped.

The fuzziness of my brain was slowly getting worse and all I could say in response was, "Hey Alice."

I felt a sharp pain in my nose as Carlisle pinched it to try and stop the steady steam of blood that was still flowing from it. I winced as he started cleaning the blood off of my face with a damp cloth.

_Hmmm, wonder where he got that from?_

"I'm sorry Bella, I know it's uncomfortable but I need to clean you off so I can see what your injuries are. Can you tell me where it hurts?" he asked in a calm voice.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that my nose is broken as you can tell. He broke my ankle and I think he broke my leg but I can't tell," I replied.

"What do you mean 'you can't tell'?" he asked.

"Well, I can't feel anything below my arms so I think he broke my back so I cant tell if my leg is broken or not but I heard what sounded like my bone breaking so I assume that it is."

"No!" Alice gasped clamping her hand over her mouth in shock.

I heard a crash and the floor shuddered under me. More snarls and growls broke through the air.

"Edward, is he okay? What's happening? Where's Jake?" I asked quickly.

"Bells, don't worry about Edward, he will be fine. We need to worry about you right now," Carlisle said in his clinical doctor voice.

How could I not worry about him? He was everything to me, my love, life, soul, the other half of me. Without him, I was nothing. I couldn't worry about me; my life was soon to end but not Edwards', it couldn't end for him. My mind was racing but it seemed cloudy, like a fog rolling in and blanketing any coherent thought.

I felt Carlisles' hand pressing and poking around my head, neck and arms. He pulled me close to his body as he tilted me forward. I felt him pressing his fingers along my shoulders and down my spine, and then I felt it no more. I heard him release a breath as he rolled me gently back over.

"Bella, I think that you are right about your back but I am more concerned about the bruising on your abdomen. Tell me what happened." Alice sobbed next to me and I saw Carlisle give her a stern look before I answered him.

"He kicked me," I said matter of factly.

I heard a gut wrenching roar but before I could ask, Carlisle and Alice were crouched in front of me defensively. Snarls ripped trough the air as I looked through Carlisle's legs and saw a large russet wolf, Jacob.

_.NO_.

If Jacob is here, where is Edward? I started gasping for air, I couldn't breath, the pain is too much, I can't bear it.

I thought that the worst pain that I had ever had to endure was Edward leaving me but this, this was beyond mere pain. This was excruciating. Now I truly understand how Juliet felt. If I was physically able to, I would end my life right now.

My only comfort was that I would be dead soon and I would surely see him in my Heaven, but not soon enough. Heaven or Hell, it didn't matter as long as it hurried the fuck up. How much more suffering was I destined to endure?

The room started spinning wildly, darkness creeping into my vision. Death was surely coming and I welcomed him with open arms.

"I'm coming my love," I whispered as my eyes closed. The black sea surrounded me as the last vestiges of my consciousness registered a sharp yelp.

**EPOV**

Seeing my Bella lying, broken on the floor snapped something inside of me. I had never felt anger or pure unadulterated hatred of this magnitude before. Venom flowed like a river in my mouth, my eyes glazed over causing everything to have a crimson glow around it. My muscles coiled of their own accord and my natural instinct to defend my mate washed over me. My lips curled over my teeth and I lunged at the bastard that hurt my love.

My shoulder slammed into his stomach with such force that we crashed through the opposite wall. We were still in midair when I felt Jacob's body quake and explode into a snarling, snapping ball of fur. I still had him around the midsection as his back paw kicked forward. His steel claws tore down my chest, shredding my shirt. I shoved him from me and we both landed in the soft ground outside the cabin. Jacobs' claws dug deep furrows into the earth as he skidded across it. He growled and snapped his jaws at me like a rabid dog as I snarled in response.

He charged me and I stepped sideways at the same time that my left forearm made contact with the side of his enormous chest. I heard air whoosh out of him as he landed on his side. He quickly scrambled back to his paws. I had to end this fast, Bella needed me. I had to know how badly she was injured, how much damage this animal had caused her. I took the offensive and I launched myself at him. I whipped around him and grabbed his back legs. I spun around and flung him through the air but instead of him crashing into the tree that I had aimed him at, he flipped in midair and his paws hit the tree.

He pushed off of the tree and slammed into me, shoving me hard into the side of the cabin. I snarled out of frustration, this was taking too long. Jacob growled, his muzzle curled, showing his razor sharp teeth. I pushed off the cabin and we started circling each other. He lunged at me a few times but I dodged his attacks and got in a punch here and there but I had underestimated his fighting abilities. I had always relied on my ability to read the minds of others and could usually see what their next move would be but Jacob had somehow figured out a way to block me. I couldn't see what he was going to do next so I had to concentrate harder on what Jasper had taught me over the years.

I was momentarily distracted, being so close to the cabin, as I saw into Carlisle's and Alice's minds. My entire being shattered, Bella was dying. My distraction was enough to give Jacob time to attack. His mouth clamped down on my side and he jerked his head to the left, throwing me through the air. I felt excruciating pain as part of my torso was ripped from my body. As I was sailing through the air I saw Jacob jump through the hole in the side of the cabin. A sound escaped me that I had never heard before.

As soon as my feet found purchase on the ground I sped back to the cabin. Carlisle and Alice were crouched defensively, protecting my Bella. Her breathing was labored, heartbeat weakening. I had to end this now or I was going to lose her for sure. The thought almost caused my knees to buckle. I pushed that to the back of my mind and jumped onto Jacobs' broad back.

I wrapped my arms around his chest and squeezed. He yelped as I felt his ribs breaking under my strength. I twisted to the side and angled my head. My teeth tore through his soft flesh as I ripped out his throat, silencing him forever. I felt his warm blood in my mouth and I jerked my head to the side, spitting it out along with the flesh from his neck, I didn't want any part of that vile creature inside me.

I wiped my face with my shredded shirt and darted over to Bella, dropping to my knees beside her. I cradled her face in my hands noticing that her skin was so pale, almost matching the color of mine.

"Bella, open your eyes, open your eyes love," I pleaded.

I felt a hand on my shoulder but didn't acknowledge it.

"Son, I'm sorry, the internal damage is too extensive, she's not going to make it," Carlisle's voice was laced with sorrow.

I could hear Alice's broken sobs but I couldn't really register the sound. My world was falling apart around me. I couldn't lose my Angel, not like this. I had just found her and I had not had enough time with her. In almost a hundred years I hadn't realized that I had been searching, searching for the other half of myself but when I found her, I was whole. I couldn't bear it; the pain was something that I had never experienced before. When Carlisle changed me the fire was excruciating but compared to the pain that I feel now it was like a paper cut. My body shook with my tearless sobs.

I buried my face in her neck and breathed in her scent. Her blood was weakening, her heart slowing.

"No, Bella, you can't leave me. I love you, I can't exist without you," I gasped in her hair.

"Edward, change her!" Alice cried.

I shook my head, "I can't," I whispered.

"Why not!? Just do it Edward!" she wailed.

"No, I won't damn her to this life!"

"It's what she wants," she argued and I shook my head again.

"Damn you and your fucking selfishness! All you think about is how much you despise what you are but you never take into consideration what other people want or need. Bella wants to be one of us, she wants to be with you forever, cant you see that!? You are not the only one that loves her. She is like my sister and I will not let her die because you are so self-righteous. If you won't change her then I will. I will not lose her because of you, not again!" she yelled.

"Alice, this is Edwards' decisi..." Carlisle began but was quickly cut short.

"No it isn't. The universe does not revolve around Edward; he is not the only one this affects. So, _Edward, _if you don't have the balls to do it then get out of my way and don't try to stop me because I will call Jasper and Emmett to keep you busy long enough for me to do it," Alice's words were dripping with venom.

I know she meant every word of what she said but what if Bella didn't want this life? How could I know for sure? She was still unconscious so I couldn't ask her if this is what she wants but on the other hand, an eternity with her without having to constantly be on guard, that would be heaven to my hell. To be able to love her freely without the worry of hurting her, of killing her, that would be so...so...liberating. But again, what if?

"Alice, what if this is not what Bella wants?" I whispered, running my thumb over Bellas' pale cheek.

"It is what she wants, I know it, I've seen it but if she wakes up and says that this is not what she wants then I will kill her myself," I winced as she mumbled that last part.

"Edward, you have to decide now. She won't last much longer," Carlisle insisted.

I took a deep breath and sighed, nodding my head. Please let this turn out okay.

Carlisle instructed me on what to do. He informed me that her back was broken and that I should bite her in as many places as possible to spread the venom faster.

I started at her ankles and worked my way up her body, straightening her broken leg as I went. I tried to force as much venom into each puncture as I could before closing it up with a lick of my tongue. Her blood intoxicated me but I fought the urge to drink. I took extra time on her abdomen, hoping that the venom acted fast enough to heal her bleeding insides. I worked my way up both of her arms, finally settling at the junction of her neck and shoulder.

"I hope this is what you want," I whispered before sinking my teeth into her neck.

* * *

**Well there you have it (claps). I hope I didn't disappoint anyone and before I delve into another story I **_**will**_** find a beta first because doing it myself is so annoying. Any way tell me what you think. I was thinking about making this the last chapter but I decided that I wouldn't do that to you and I kinda want another lemon for when she is rough and tumble.;)****~pixdog~**


	27. The Burn

**A/N IMPORTANT:**

**Okay, so here is the deal. A few of my favorite stories has been pulled from FF. And it really pisses me off. I guess that they violated the TOS with the smut and I guess that I am guilty of this also(obviously). Anyway, I was thinking about not even finishing this story because of the way I feel about what is happening but I decided to go ahead and not let you guys down. Now that being said, I will pull this story and my other one 'Payback' from this site if I have to. I don't want to but if I get called out on my smut then I will have no other choice. I WILL find another place to post them though so no worries. Also there is a petition going around for FF to have a new rating of NC-17 so please if you want to keep our right to smut then please sign it and maybe, just maybe they will listen if there are enough of us to suggest it. Okay back to ABH. Sorry this is such a short chapter but with my ongoing debate of whether or no to finish it , I kinda can't get my head back into the story so I am pushing this one so sorry if it sucks. ~pixdog~**

**I don't own Twilight. I do however have a teenage son that keeps taking the internet to play games, blah.**

**BPOV**

I was floating in a sea of darkness once again. It was an all too familiar feeling. Am I dead? Did I go crazy again? What is happening? My mind was a jumbled mess. All these thoughts were running rampant through my mind and I couldn't make sense of any of it.

I couldn't understand what was happening to me. I couldn't seem to open my eyes and my voice wouldn't work which was unsettling. I was reminded of my short bout with craziness, depression or whatever it was and it scared me. I tried to think but it was difficult because there seemed to be so much inside my head at the moment and an odd burning sensation was raging throughout my entire body.

The last thing that I remember was Jacob coming back into the cabin. Oh God NO! Edward, what had happened to him? Is he okay or is he hurt or...? No it can't be that, I couldn't live knowing that he was not there. But I had been dying, hadn't I? I should be dead from my injuries that Jacob inflicted on me. But you're not supposed to feel pain in the afterlife, right? What the hell is that burning anyway? It just keeps getting worse.

I can sense my breathing picking up and my heartbeat accelerating but it sounds off somehow. Not as strong as it used to be maybe. I don't know, I am so confused. Why is my brain going a hundred miles an hour? Why can't it just shut down for a second and let me think?

I felt a cool hand press against my cheek and someone whispered into my ear but my mind was so boggled that I couldn't register what it said or who it belonged to. God, I hope it is not Jacob, not again. But it can't be because I do register the temperature of the hand, it is too cold to be Jacobs. So vampire then but who?

I thought that I felt a slight tingling from the touch but I can't be sure because of the burning is intensifying to a great extent. What is it? Why won't it stop? The pain is getting unbearable and my heart is flying out of my chest causing its own pain which is sort of distracting from the other pain. Maybe it is true when they tell a guy to bite a girl when he is going to pop her...never mind. Why am I thinking of such things at a time like this?

Maybe a distraction? Hmmmm..... I kind of like it. Just remembering the way Edward could make me go weak in the knees from just kissing me. His hands running down the length of my torso when he caresses my skin ever so lightly, bringing goose bumps all over my body and sending fire right to the pit of my stomach. Wow, that does help but the burning is still there.

My heart is banging against my ribcage, painfully hard and fast. My hearing is starting to clear but all I can make out is the hard thumping of my heart and my deep breaths. I tried to move my hand to clutch at my pounding chest but the pain is too much. A little whimper escapes my lips and I hear a deep intake of breath beside me. Who is that?

Time passes by and I have no idea how long I have been in this state of pain. It seems like an eternity. Is this hell? Am I burning for my sins? What sins have I committed that would cause this kind of punishment to be bestowed upon me? I mean the only sin that I remember doing was sex before marriage. Is that even a sin or just a little faux pa? Regardless, I don't think that it would be bad enough for this kind of torture. Would it?

My mind is all around the place, worrying, wondering, thinking of Edward, thinking of the pain, wondering if this is the way it will be for the rest of eternity. Will it change? Wait.

Change...change...change?

Oh my god, I am being changed! It's all coming to me now. It is the same burning that I felt when James bit me except not to this extent. This is so much worse but what does that mean? I remember last time that Edward sucked the venom from my blood before it could affect me too much and turn me so this time it was really happening. God how long is this going to take? How long has it been now?

I hear my heart start to accelerate and the burning intensifies to the point that my body convulses. I can't control it as I listen to the sounds of my dying heart making its last futile efforts to survive.

BEAT...BEAT...BE..AT...Beat...beat...be...

And then nothing but silence.

* * *

**Thanks for the support in my story and please review because I do enjoy reading what you have to say and I do reply to all of them. I will try to put a link to the petition on my profile so if any of you are interested in signing it then keep an eye out. Later my little pixies. ~pixdog~**


	28. The Change

**I dont own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

After I finished condemning the love of life to this awful existence, I sat back on my feet and sobbed. I couldn't shake the feeling of sorrow over what I had just done to her. She was going to be just like me and I just prayed to the powers that be that she didn't hate me for doing it to her. I hope Alice is right and that Bella does not despise me for forcing her into this life.

What am I going to do if she didn't want this? Could I let Alice keep her word? Would I let Alice destroy Bella if she didn't want this? I just don't know. The thought alone breaks me. My whole body shudders with the realization that this could very well be what happens.

I feel a consoling hand on my shoulder but it doesn't help.

"Edward, we need to take her back to our house. This is not a place for her change to happen, it is not secure," Carlisle whispers. He moves to pick her up and a low mincing growl escapes my throat.

"Don't touch her!" I hiss.

I don't want anyone to touch her. If one of my family hurts her in her weakened state I don't know what I will do.

"Edward, we need to move her. She can't stay here in this filthy hobble. We need to get her home where we can watch her and she will be safe." he said in a comforting but firm tone.

"Ok but I will do it," I agreed.

He was right and I knew it. We needed to be on familiar territory when she changed so that we could keep her safe and the people that might come across her. In her newborn state she might do something that she will hate herself for and I just won't let that happen.

I ever so gently picked her up and cradled her to my chest. Her body was so frail and she was covered in dirt and blood. The sight of her like this made me sick. Why couldn't I have protected her? Why wasn't I with her? I know why, because it was my despicable nature to hunt, to kill and drink blood. That is why she was alone. That is why I wasn't there to save her. And now I have forced the same life upon her. What have I done?

I slid carefully into Carlisle's car and held her close to my chest. Her breathing was erratic and her heart was pumping my venom throughout her body. The thought made me sick to the core. She was so pure and didn't deserve the evil that was our kind.

Carlisle and Alice slid into the front seat and we headed down the dirt driveway to the road. I was so distracted with the fear and loathing that was taking over my whole body that I didn't notice when we pulled up to our house.

Carlisle opened my door so that I could get out without jarring Bella anymore than necessary.

"Take her up to my office, Edward. I called ahead and the rest of the family got the room ready for her." I could only nod my head.

I carried her limp form up to his office and noticed that someone had put a hospital type bed in it. I gently placed her on the bed and brushed some hair off of her face. Her head lulled to the side and I felt another pain in my chest at how vulnerable she was. I heard movement behind me and a low growl escaped my chest. My urge to protect her was stronger than ever. I whipped around and began to crouch defensively. I would kill anyone who dared to come near her and hurt her.

Alice threw her hands up in the air trying to show me that she meant no harm but my mind was only on the defensive so I didn't rise up out of my stance.

"Edward, I'm not going to hurt her, we just need to clean her up so that Carlisle can look at her more thoroughly," she explained.

I looked at her and noticed that she had brought in a bowl of water and some washcloths. I slowly stood from my crouch but kept a close eye on her as she entered further into the room, closer to my Bella. My chest rumbled again in warning.

"Edward, I am just going to wash her off. She is covered in blood and dirt, she needs to be clean so that Carlisle can see how badly she is hurt and if she will survi..." she cut off at the sound that escaped me.

I know what she was saying but I couldn't hear the words that were about to come from her mouth. Bella had to survive the change no matter what I couldn't stand it if she didn't but if she did and didn't want this life then what? What would I do? It was all my fault. All of it was my fault. I grabbed the bowl and a washcloth. This was my responsibility not hers. I would clean Bella and take care of her until she changed. I would not leave her side for one second until I could look into her beautiful eyes once again.

I placed my hand on her cheek and leaned down. I could smell a slight difference in her scent and it made me sob. She was changing and I knew what pain it would be causing her.

"I am so sorry Bella, I love you," I whispered in her ear.

I took the cloth and dipped it into the warm water in the bowl. I started with her face and lightly rubbed the dirt and blood from her angelic features. I carefully washed her arms and moved to her torso and caught an unlikely scent. I thought I smelled her getting aroused. No that can't be, I must be losing my mind. She is in excruciating pain and I remember what it is like so it must be my on imagination going off the deep end along the the rest of me. Except she is not screaming, she is not even moving. Was I too late? Is the change not working? Am I going to lose her anyway?

I heard a change in her heartbeat and suddenly she whimpered. I gasped as I realized that she must be feeling it and it was like the pain hit me all over again. I was making her suffer; I was hurting her, something that I had promised to never do again.

I was lost in my own thoughts when Carlisle came in to check on Bella. It took everything inside of me not to jump up and keep him from her. I knew however that he needed to check on her progress and make sure that the change was going well. I watched as he listened to her heart and checked her pulse. He looked over her wounds and nodded his head.

"She is doing great Edward. It won't be too much longer before the change is complete. See," he pointed to her legs where they had been injured, from what I didn't know, "these are almost completely healed." He left as soon as he checked her over. Left me to watch my love die slowly from the venom that I had forced into her, forcing her into this life without her consent.

It seemed like an eternity before I finally heard the pitiful sound of her heart making its last attempt at life. Her body starts to shake violently and panic strikes me.

"Carlisle!" I screamed even though I know that he could here me perfectly well but the fear inside of me blocks my ability to think straight.

He is by my side in a split second with a smile spread across his face. How can he be smiling when my whole world is coming to an end? She couldn't possibly want this so she will hate me forever now. She will never forgive me for this, I just know it. She will leave me and I have no one to blame but myself.

I listen carefully to her failing heart. BEAT...BEAT...BE..AT...Beat...beat...be...

And then silence. She is not moving, not breathing. What is wrong? What happened? I looked to Carlisle and he is still smiling. What does that mean? I wish he would just say something.

I catch movement out of the corner of my eye and I notice that the rest of my family is standing behind us. No one says anything, we all just stare at my Bella, my love.

The eerie silence is broken by a deep but feminine growl. It is a growl of warning and we all flinch back.

Suddenly Bella is off of the bed and crouched in front of me, ready to attack. I look at her pleadingly. Does she hate me already? Does she even know what has happened? My heart falls, she must hate me, I would hate me if I was her.

"Bella, love, everything is alright. We aren't going to hurt you," I tried to comfort her.

She tilted her head to the side like she was trying to understand my words and then she launched herself at me. Before I could react, she was on me and we crashed to the floor.

* * *

I know short again so sue me :p. Thanks for sticking with me you know that I love all my little pixies. This is soon coming to an end and it has been real fun to do. I do have another story rumbling around in my head right now so I will be working on it next. My story Payback has been posted on my blogspot and on TWC so if it is taken down then that is where you will find it. If this one goes I will put it on there as well.~pixdog~


	29. Leave Now

Sorry this took so long but life sucks. Anyway enjoy.

BPOV

I sensed movement around me and a warning growl erupted for my chest before I could stop it. My mind was still hazy from all of the things trying to go through it. None of which seemed to grasp one thing alone. I was disoriented and didn't understand what it all meant. More movement caught my attention and before I could even form a thought, I felt my body contract and my feet hit the cold hard floor.

I glanced around the room and with my improved eyesight I could see everything. I saw little dust particles floating on the nonexistent breeze, floating along on their merry way without a care in the world. I took a shallow breath and I smelled something familiar but I couldn't place it. It was warm and inviting and gave me a tingling sensation deep inside my stomach. I scanned the room and found the source of the smell.

Edward was standing on the other side of a bed in front of me. My mind turned into even more chaos. Edward was alive; he was here with me safe and sound. He didn't look injured or anything. I saw his mouth move and heard sounds coming from him but my mind couldn't focus. I tilted my head to the side and tried to understand what he was saying but all I could do was think, "He was alive, he is alive!" Before I could control myself, I launched at him and tackled him to the floor.

I crashed my lips to his in a desperate attempt to make sure that this was not a dream, that it was a reality. I felt hands grab onto my arms. They were trying to pull me away from my Edward. My eyes saw red and a hiss erupted from my throat as I swung my arm backward and collided with something large. I heard a crash against wood as the hands left my arm. I turned and crouched over Edward and gave a warning growl.

No one was going to take him away from me again. I wouldn't allow it. We would never be separated. I would fight anyone who dared to try to force us apart. I may not win but I was sure going to try. I quickly scanned the room looking for the one who tried to take me away from him but I didn't see any danger. All I saw was my vampire family standing there looking at me. Except Emmett who was getting to his feet. He was surrounded by splintered wood and papers. He had a scowl on his face, not looking to happy about something.

I felt something pushing at my mind, trying to calm me and I knew instantly that it was Jasper. I shook my head and tried to block the feelings. I looked around until I met Jaspers eyes. His brow was furrowed in concentration. I could tell that he was fighting to control my mood and I was fighting just as hard not to let him. I don't know why but I didn't want to be controlled by him or anyone else.

"Bella, love they aren't going to hurt you," I heard from underneath me.

I looked down and realized that I was still crouched overtop of Edward. I looked at his face for a moment, taking in his perfect face. I could see it better with my newfound eyes and he was even more spectacular than I thought. I felt a fire burn deep within my stomach and I couldn't help myself. I turned and found myself lying on top of him.

My lips found his once more and I couldn't stop my hips from grinding into his. Everything in this new body felt a hundred times better, more powerful. His lips, his touch radiated throughout my body sending it into a frenzy of want and need. My senses were so much more powerful. I could feel everything, could smell everything, could taste everything. Without warning I thrust my tongue in Edwards mouth and started to massage his with mine. This was the first time that we had been able to kiss like this and I was in heaven. I could taste the sweetness of his mouth and it was intoxicating.

He groaned into my mouth and I could feel the effect that I was having on him. I pressed down my hips and I could feel his hardness against my sensitive mound. Someone beside us cleared their throat loudly and I growled in response.

"Edward she needs to feed. I am sure that her thirst is very painful at the moment," Carlisle interrupted.

I growled again and noticed the burn that was radiating from my throat. I hadn't noticed it until he had mentioned it but it was there in the back of my mind. In the front of my mind however was a greater need. A need that I had to fulfill before I combusted.

"Bella, he is right. I don't want you to be in pain," Edward mumbled in my mouth that still hadn't left his.

I shook my head infinitesimally. I was not doing anything until I had what I needed from Edward. It wasn't just physical need even though that was a very potent part. I needed to feel him on me, in me, to make sure that he was actually there. I had to know that he was alive and with me. I had thought that he was dead or hurt at the very least and I needed the closeness to ease my mind. I needed to know that he was real and that he was fine so that I could finally relax.

I couldn't wait any longer. My hands grabbed onto his shirt and ripped it from his body instantly. I placed my hands on his chest and started to reacquaint myself with his perfect torso. His hands slid around my waist and I felt him trying to pull me away. I resisted of course because even he wasn't going to pull me from him. I was stronger than he was, for the moment at least.

I opened my eyes and glared into his black pools. Why were they black? Had he not fed recently? His eyes gave me a pleading look and then shifted slightly to the left, signaling me to look. I glanced to where he was looking and saw his family staring at us. Most faces were laced with concern but I did notice that Alice had a huge grin across her face and Emmett was trying to hide a snicker behind his hand. I got Edwards hint; he wanted me to remember that we had an audience. Well this just won't do.

"Leave," I hissed. I wasn't trying to be rude and I didn't want to hurt their feelings but I needed some alone time with Edward, like now.

"Bella, you..." Carlisle started but I quickly cut him off.

"Get. Out. Now," I snarled. Concern flashed across his face but he nodded and ushered the rest of the family out of the room before shutting the door behind them.

I listened to make sure that they were gone before I turned back to the God under me. His eyes were darker and his breathing was faster. I felt his hands ghosting up the sides of my ribs softly, too softly. He was still being too careful with me even though he didn't have to anymore. I guess old habits die hard. Well time to teach him some new ones.

I growled again but not in warning but in frustration. He still didn't realize that I could take whatever he did to me. I needed him to let go and not treat me like spun glass anymore but how do I show him what I needed? Hmmm.

I lifted up my hips even though I didn't want to lose the contact between our groins. I slipped my hands down to the waistband of his pants and lightly worked my fingers inside them. I gripped hard and ripped them from his body. Fabric was flying everywhere and I slammed my hips back down onto his. He winced a little. Oops, I guess I need to be a little more careful with him huh.

I growled at him again because he still wasn't getting the point. I placed both of my hands on his shoulders and pushed him hard. I heard the wood beneath him crack and splinter. He growled back at me and realization sparked in his dark eyes. Finally!

He reached for the top of my shirt and tore it from my body. A wide grin spread across my face and without hesitation I ripped my own pants from me along with my panties. This whole thing seemed to take too long for me. I needed him now. Apparently he felt the same way because in the next second he had me slammed up against the wall beside the door.

I moaned loudly when his mouth connected with my throat and he began to kiss and lick my now silent pulse point. The feeling was amazing but I wanted more. I snaked my hand between our bodies and grabbed his hard member causing a lovely growl to come from him. I hitched my leg up over his hip and pushed myself on him.

Oh. My. God.

I never imagined that it could get any better than this. The feeling of Edward inside of me before was heavenly but this was so much more. This was...this was... There aren't even words to describe the feeling.

Edward seemed to agree with me because he was making sounds that I had never heard come from him before. He started moving his hips and thrusting into me with so much force that the wall was giving in behind me. I threw my other leg up and wrapped both of them around him securely. I started matching his pace as best as I could in my position and oh oh oh.

We were so enthralled that words couldn't even escape us. All that we seemed to be doing was grunting and moaning. The sounds of our love were reverberating around the room. Not the normal slapping sounds of our skin that we had before but almost like to boulders smashing together with such force as to shatter them or was that the wall behind me.

Oh crap.

The wall gave way behind me but Edward was quicker. He grabbed my waist and I found myself on the floor, never losing the intimate contact between our bodies. I matched him thrust for thrust and felt the all too familiar tightening of my stomach. I shifted my hips a little and Holy Shit! I came and I came hard. I don't think that I ever... Ever.....

My mind is mush, I can't think. Edward was riding out my high with me, making it last as long as it could which seemed like forever. As I started to come down from my orgasm induced euphoria, Edward let out a loud "Fuck" and filled me with his love causing me to climax again along with him. If this is how this life is going to be then I don't think that I will ever get dressed again.

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Well I hope you liked it. I think that there will be one more chapter and then I am done. Thanks to all that reviewed. ~pixdog~


	30. Epilogue

Hello my pixies, long time no see. Sorry this took so long but my life is in shambles. any way this is the last installment of A Broken Heart. It is short and sweet but I hope it is an okay ending to my little story here. I did have a lot of fun writing this and I hope that you had fun reading it. This will probably be the last story I post on this site because of all the rules about content but if you want to see if I am up to anything then you can find me on the writers coffee shop. I am in love with all that followed this story and reviewed it. you guys are the best.

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I was settling into my new life quite nicely. Everything was the same but better. Smells, sights, touches, everything was enhanced. And I mean everything. Edward and I had been exploring every avenue of my new found immortality. My strength, my speed, my insatiable libido. I had to laugh at that one. After that first day of my new indestructibility, and endless harassment by Emmett, Edward and I had been inseparable. He never left my side and I never even dreamed of leaving his.

We were like the same being. Two souls who shared a body. When he moved so did I and even though it annoyed some people (Alice) we wouldn't, couldn't be separated. It was like we would stop existing if the other one was not there.

In all of my dreams I never imagined that I would have everything that I do now. The love and adoration of a god. The complete devotion of another family and immortality was mind boggling, even with all the extra space in said mind.

After everything that I had went through in my short eighteen years of life I felt that it was time that I had something good. I had my new life but I also had my old. My Dad didn't know everything but he knew enough to keep him in the loop. He didn't like how things turned out but he also didn't question too much. He liked life to be simple and didn't want to get to into the supernatural aspect of the world anymore than he had to.

As I sit and stare out the window overlooking the river beside my new home with the Cullen's, I think that life could get no better than this. My heart was full of love and there was no doubt that the vampire that just wrapped his arms around me felt the same.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Edward whispered in my ear.

"Hmm?" I murmured.

"Just wondering what is giving you that look of contentment," he said as he kissed my neck.

"Oh nothing, Just realizing what a lucky girl I am." I sighed.

"No, I am the lucky one. I have you and that is all I would ever ask for," he kissed me again.

"I feel the same but I also have so much more. I have the love of a man that I can't believe wanted me of all people. It's like a dream that I hope to never wake up from."

"You still don't see yourself like everyone else does do you? You are smart, beautiful, caring, and the best lover I ever had," he snickered.

I turned and smacked him playfully on his chest. "I better be the only lover you have," I growled.

He laughed and kissed me hard. As our kiss deepened I couldn't help but think of all the things that this man has done and suffered for me.

He fought against the urge to kill me when we first met and even though my blood caused him pain he still found the strength to want to be around me. Most people shy away for anything that causes them pain but I guess the pain of not being with me was too much to bear. I know how he feels because I could never be without him. I lost him once and I will never let that happen again.

He has given me so much in our short time together. He has saved me on numerous occasions, putting his own life in jeopardy to do so but that is just Edward. He has rescued me more times than I can count but what the one thing that matters most is that he repaired a broken heart.

THE END

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Goodbye all my lovelies see ya round the bend. ~pixdog~


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